Sometimes it isn't the big things in life that trip you up, but the little things. Today seemed to be walking wounded day at SFTS. A little virus of some kind has spread like wildfire in the 2nd and 3rd year class, so many in our community were out sick, or wishing they could be. Our first year group looked exhausted, and some who are newer to ministry (and life) were registering panic and dread at the prospect of tomorrow's "interview" with our supervisors - an experience which will lay the groundwork for the assessment interview next week. I remember vividly being a "20-30 something" and experiencing abject dread every time any type of assessment/evaluation/performance review was done. There is grace in ageing - now I just smile and don't worry about it - been there, done that, hundreds of times. Perspective also has another plus - I can compare this program (which is gentle and empowering) with other training programs I've been in (which were like boot camp from hell) - no worries here. This is a good place to learn and grow, with an excellent training model.
I was aware of my age many times today, but especially at lunch when the topic of my younger colleagues turned to how much they loved and found meaning in the TV series "Sex in the City." I remember having this conversation with another twenty-something (who shall remain nameless), and feeling so old. We laughed about it at lunch today when I shared that the first time I saw the show I thought it was all satire and metaphor. Clearly a generation gap. I look at them - with all the years of ministry yet ahead of them and all the angst that goes with this stage of the journey (and all its discomforts and unknowns) and I hold them gently in my heart...but wouldn't trade places with them for a million dollars!
Today I'm enjoying my greying hair, my love of metaphor and satire, and the playfulness I feel being in this program. All feels very light and free - no call to discern, no angst about what the process holds or trying to figure out what God wants me to do - just dancing lessons to the music of the Spirit. Although I often envy the strength, mobility, talent and health of my younger comrades, each age in life holds both challenges and wonderful opportunities. It pays to celebrate and appreciate wherever we are. I'm loving being in my 50's today, and being comfortable in my life! There are still ample opportunities and challenges to keep things interesting, but not the uncertainty about the core things that matter. The core holds, and that feels good.
Tonight was the reception at the home of the SFTS President, but instead limping over to the party, I took myself to Cafe Gratitude and had an "I am Luscious" (hazelnut milk, fig, date, raw cacao and vanilla bean smoothie) with my "I am Extraordinary" (which is a BLT made with maple coconut bacon and tons of greens). It is such a hoot when they bring your meal to you and announce to the world: "You are luscious and extraordinary!" Next time I want to try either "I am Transformed" or "I am Warm-Hearted" - with a side of "I am Vibrant." (I'm sipping an "I am Effervescent" even as I write...). Who would of thought food could be this much fun?!?
As I said before, it is often the little things that trip us up, and today my banana peel was not the virus going around campus but instead was the sharp edge of a chair that was jammed into the back of my knee. The world was a planetarium for at least a full minute as I saw stars that I've never seen before. Walking tonight is difficult at best, so your prayers for healing and strength are appreciated. If I could go from the airport on Saturday to the Elks rehab pool, I would. In the meantime, I am trying to be gentle and non-hostile to my non-cooperating joints while celebrating the stage in life that lets me lean deeply into the mystery and rejoice.
Wherever you are in the journey of life, may you find something luscious and extraordinary to celebrate, so you can hear the music of the Spirit, and dance until you are warm-hearted, vibrant and effervescent! That, my friends, is transformation!
Limping with joy,
Kim
No comments:
Post a Comment