"If a tree falls in a Facebook post, does it make a sound?"

Just as classism, sexism, and racism provide ideological undergirdings for the oppression of people on the basis of class, gender, and race, so the destruction of the ecosystem is undergirded by the ideology of naturism.  Naturism is a way of thinking and dwelling that places the human species at the top of a hierarchy in which other species are relegated to the status of objects to be exploited.  In the hierarchy of being, the human being is at the top of the holy order and other objects are assigned meaning only as they serve the purposes of human beings.  Naturism is the ideology that undergirds our genocidal acts against nature.

- Eleazar S. Fernandez, Reimagining the Human:  Theological Anthropology in 

Response To Systemic Evil  - (a must read for anyone trying to understand how God,

humanity, classism, sexism, racism, and ecocide are interconnected.  Not an

easy read, but a necessary read all who feel called to a justice ministry and a just life)

It is funny how the simplest of concepts can unlock profound revelations.  The past two weeks we have been engaged in substantive discussions round the role of nature in Christian theology and life - is it just the stage on which God and humanity act (merely a backdrop), or is the relationship less mechanistic and more vital?  Instead of seeing ourselves as separate from nature, can we accept that we are nature - we share a common creation story and the same basic building blocks of life with trees and butterflies and elephant seals and roses and algae - we are part of the web of life, not the master of it.  Can we give up our anthropocentric (and androcentric) illusion in favor of a different approach to understanding our place in the cosmos?

I left early this morning to get to Muir Woods before the crowds descended in tour buses.  I arrived before the Park Attendants opened up the ticket booth, and looked forward to some silence and stillness in what is left of a beautiful, old growth forest.  Ample benches dotted the trail, so I had many places from which to sit and meditate on the beauty of the forest.  I noticed that at first the forest seemed to absorb the noise of the visitors (clearly the idea of communing with nature in silence was only on my agenda today).  It was hard work, but for the first 45 minutes the forest managed to absorb the onslaught of shouting, talking on cell phones, endless conversations about all manner of thing - all while people engaged in behaviors such as checking emails (while walking on the trail), power-walking on the trail (heads down, watching what was right in front of them), and loudly debating where to go for brunch after getting the trail "done" as quickly as possible.  Some people stopped and read the trail instructive signs - some people read them out loud.  The one sign that was almost uniformly missed was the one asking people to be quiet in Cathedral Grove - where I was sitting.  Lots of people took photographs - some posted them on Facebook immediately and others in their group watched their phones to see when they would "get" the picture of the tree that was right in front of them.  I found myself with a mixture of emotions including incredulity, annoyance, some frustration, curiosity, some pleasure (it is nice to see people happy together), hope (when people would stop long enough to notice the trees) but sadness (as they looked at their pictures of the trees on Facebook instead of actually looking at the trees).  

There came a time (around 8:45 am) when the forest could no longer absorb the presence of the people, and it was like a loud speaker was turned on full volume.  When I got to the parking lot and saw the row of tour buses, I understood why - our ecosystem can only absorb so much...an important lesson to remember.

The drive from Muir Woods to Stinson Beach gives breathtaking views of the ocean.  The bad-good news is that you dare not look too long lest you mow down a cyclist (very narrow roads).  The good news is that I think I saw more cyclists today than motorists - nice to see folks doing their part for the environment, even if they sometimes show contempt for motorists and gesture in ways that I haven't seen since high school.  Maybe one day I can join them and ride the roads on a bike - I've now had the refresher course for conversing with motorists through sign language.

The beach was lovely and warm - I prefer Drake's Beach (where I was yesterday), but Stinson was ok.  The roar of the ocean was the dominant sound for the first hour - and then the human population swelled and out-roared the sea.  I found myself torn between watching the surf (which was enchanting) and watching adults with their back turned to the sea as they watched things on their cell phones.  Beach blanket, cooler, ipad.  Children playing in the sand, parents on their iphones - not talking, but looking at data.  People walking along the beach with a phone in their hand and their eyes glued to it - again and again and again.  Wow.  Again, a mixture of emotions - joy over the beauty of creation and pleasure at seeing adults plbut deep curiosity over what was on those silly phones that was more beautiful than the Pacific Ocean on a beautiful sunny day?

Once the sea was out-roared by the humans, I headed for the car and drove towards Pt. Reyes - only to be surprised by a "haul out" of elephant seals in a nondescript shallow area of a estuary.  I pulled off the road, rolled down the window and sat for about 30 minutes watching the seal pups through my binoculars.  They were incredible!  Cars and cyclists whizzed by as I sat and watched these beautiful creatures.  Then I found my way to Sir Francis Drake Blvd. which is the road back to San Anselmo.  A few miles along is Samuel P Taylor State Park, which is almost always quiet.  I paid my fee and drove as far in as I could and parked by a stand of tall trees.  No one else was around.  I sat in silence with the trees around me, the sound of the Lagunitas Creek passing by, and the ever present sound of cars from the road.  But the trees were able to absorb the sound - it was lovely.  A moth/butterfly caught my eye - it was fun to watch.  After about a half hour, I said goodbye to my tree friends and headed back to read some more of Eleazar's challenging book.

What does it mean to be part of the web of life, instead of being the center of it?  Can we humans accept that the universe does not revolve around us, and that we have a calling to embrace our true place in the cosmos?  If we see ourselves as nature (instead of seeing nature as something we visit and photograph and post pictures of on Facebook) does that free us to work creatively and cooperatively with nature - with creation - with God who is embodied in nature?   We treat the "other" (be it the poor, people of color, women, nature) with a level of proprietary ambivalence - if the "other" meets my needs and serves me, it is useful; otherwise, it is useless.  This thinking says that trees are useful for what they can do for me - be it paper products or entertainment, or absorbing the excess CO2 my lifestyle emits.  They serve me by giving me more oxygen.  Can I grow to the point that I see the intrinsic value in trees simply because they are trees?  

The linking Fernandez does of classism, sexism, racism and naturism makes a bold proclamation - it is all of one piece.  Each impacts the other - no "ism" exists in isolation.  The good news is that the theory of simultaneity states that acting in one area also impacts the others - a thought that brings hope.  But before we can act to address the "isms," we must understand our role in perpetuating them.

The sun has set, and I have yet to pull the shades on the window that looks out at the big trees, and the hillside that is a grazing place for the deer visitors who one day were my lunch buddies.  They came back today - late afternoon.  But only four.  I stopped what I was doing (reading Fernandez) to be with them.  To notice them; to respect them.  What if I treated the created world (including all humans) with the same respect?  

The common story also helps us understand that though we may be different, as others are different, we are also intrinsically related and interdependent.  Individuality (particularity) is an important feature of this common story, but we are also connected to the whole.  We are not "self-made being," but we belong to the web of life.  We cannot totally separate ourselves from the world of nature, and we do so only at our own peril.  What happens to the world, happens to us, for the elements that are in the cosmos and the air that we breathe are connected with the elements of our bodies.  (Fernandez, 

Reimagining the Human, p 172).

To think these thoughts, to see these things and not change and grow would be sin.  God, save me from the sin of indifference and from believing the lie that claims that the actions of one person are insufficient to bring about change.

And all the trees and deer and moths and mosquitoes, and one woman sitting at her computer join voices and say, "Amen."

Thinking of a few small changes,

Kim

"...because inside human beings is where God learns."

The middle of Week Two brings a course shift from "Systems and Structures" to "Race, Class and Gender."  That means we have Sam back (a favorite lecturer for all of us in the program).  Jazz is playing when we arrive in class, his quirky sense of humor, very soft heart and deep well of compassion shine through as we explore painful topics.  Couple this with his passionate love of justice and the Mystery and you have the right facilitator to lead discussions addressing very difficult material.  And he has by far the best quotations worked into his handouts!  This week's standouts are as follows:

I want to put a warning sign on a Bible just like tobacco companies put them on their cigarette packs.   The label should say that without guidance, this book can lead to various side effects, such as mental illness, cancer, rape, genocide, murder and a slavery system.  - Hyun Kyung Chung
(context:  discussion of how the Bible has been used to support racism, classism, sexism and naturism)

The body broken (in Eucharist) by hostilities has become a symbol of hospitality.  Hostility is transformed into hospitality when we provide a space for others to find their voice, to sing their own songs, and articulate their narratives among us.  Hostility is transformed into hospitality when we experience liberation from our preoccupation with ourselves, our security and comfort, and our idolatry expressed in classism, sexism, racism, and naturism.  - Eleazar S. Fernandez
(needing a word of hope as we touched on the pervasiveness of all the "isms)

And the quote that reframed hours spent in the classroom:

To me the classroom continues to be a place where paradise can be realized, a place of passion and possibility; a place where spirit matters, where all that we learn and all that we know leads us into greater connection, into greater understanding of life lived in community.  - bell hooks
(a shout out to all teachers reading this - it is worth it!)

It has been a hard week of formation - some of the hardest work I've done in awhile (both in the classroom/small group sessions and within my self)  But it has been worth every second.  Near the closure of our Systems and Structures class, Dr. Liebert shared a poem that has stayed with me all week - an affirmation of all those who are doing hard work and trying to see it through.  If you have some heavy lifting of your own to do, take heart in these words by Rainer Maria Rilke:

Just as the winged energy of delight
Carried you over many chasms early
   on,
Now raise the daringly imagined arch
Holding up the astounding bridges.

Miracle doesn't lie only in the
     amazing
Living through and defeat of danger;
Miracles become miracles in the clear
Achievement that is earned.

To work with things is not hubris
When building the association
     beyond words;
Denser and denser the pattern
     becomes -
Being carried along is not enough.

Take your well-disciplined strengths
And stretch them between two
Opposing poles.  Because inside
   human beings
Is where God learns.

Wow.  And Amen.  And back to work (after a much needed Sabbath)  -
Kim

Tears and Deer Reprise, Year 2

Like most of us, I am a product of a lifetime of conditioning.  Some of my default responses are life-giving; some are not.  I struggle to assess what I need, name that need, and then take steps to see that the need is met - definitely not a default response.  Instead I'm hard wired to meet needs other than my own and only consider my needs when the lack of meeting them trips me up.

Last night I hit my wall - trying desperately to be all things to all people once again left me short- changing myself.  The remedy was to let go of a few things and focus - and the letting go was hard, as all things are when habitual patterns are broken.  

It was in that spirit of fresh rawness that I went to Chapel this morning for prayer.  In the midst of worship the pianist played a prelude that came right from my heart - joy and sorrow co-mingled - hope and pain dancing together.  I thanked him after worship - and he gave me the copy he played from of this precious Prelude he had written.  I look forward to playing it when I get home - my heart already knows the melody.

In class we completed our "Structures and Systems" work, and I celebrated and grieved for the beloved system I had studied.  There is a way that we are "with" each other here - a tender, respectful way we give space for the work each of us is doing, while being close enough to support and witness/affirm the learning (and grieving) that is part of this journey.  Dr. Liebert has a wise way of marking transitions - of upholding endings and beginnings.  Sophia lives here, weaving laughter and tears together into a stunning tapestry of possibility and hope.

In our small praxis group we had our final "practice" session and took time to honor the bonds of trust that were built in this crucible of vulnerability and respectful risk-taking.  We went around the circle and took turns honoring each person with a few words describing how we had experienced them during our time together.  Then our group leader, who is a true Grandmother (in the wisdom tradition sense of the word), had us close our eyes and gave each of us two gifts - a small piece of chocolate and a rainbow candle.  Some cried, and we hugged, and celebrated work done well.  Then we went to Dr. Liebert's class and had our ending - honoring the work we had done, offering it back to God, and tying a ribbon to the net of prayer that symbolized the system we had been laboring over for days - more tears.  

As the light dimmed and we settled into Chapel, we sang a Taize chant that quiets my heart:  "Nothing can trouble, nothing can frighten.  Those who seek God shall never go wanting.  Nothing can trouble.  Nothing can frighten.  God alone fills us."  Then communion, more hugs, and home for the night.

And the deer?  Well - I could barely believe my eyes...I came home at lunch time to do the last church work before signing off from email until my time here concludes.  As I finished the last email I looked up, and outside my window were a small herd of deer coming down the hill - stopping equal to my window, and grazing.  A lunch date!  I pushed the computer to one side, slowly raised the blinds on the windows, went and got my lunch, and sat down in front of the window and ate with my companions.  And my heart filled with peace - and I felt affirmed in my decision to focus and care for myself during this intensive time of study - and I enjoyed the mealtime companionship of five old friends.  Last year the deer were an invitation to freedom as they climbed those stairs into the unknown, and today they were an invitation into deeper self care and acceptance, as they dined with me (vegan one and all) and brought me another kind of community - and a powerful symbol of God's abiding presence in my life.

And my heart sang:  "As a dear for flowing water longs, so my soul, O God longs for you."  God touched my longing, and soothed my soul.

Amen.

...like only a two-year-old can!

There were no more than twenty people in St. Nicholas Orthodox Church tonight for Vespers.  Most were in the choir; two were clergy leading the service, but two families were there, each with a little girl who was probably no more than two-years-old.  I watched as the little ones first saw each other, and ran toward each other into great big full body hugs (as only two-year-olds can).  They held hands and moved between the standing adults - weaving back and forth between their families.  The air was thick with incense and the pace and intensity of the choir was increasing.  As the crescendo of worship continued to build, so did their excitement...until they started to dance (the way only two-year- olds can).  And could they dance!  Then they grabbed hands and started spinning in a circle, all while the music carried them towards heaven.  Finally they dropped to the ground and laid on their backs looking up at the beautiful icon on the ceiling, as the choir sang praise to God and the phrase "treasure of heaven."  Ah - to see the treasure of heaven in our midst!  Such beauty - such joy - no wonder Jesus said we must come to God's realm like a child!

It was a wonderful week, filled with great intensity and gentleness, academic stretching (I never thought I'd be reading Calvin and Rahner again), wonderful more contemporary authors to read and thought-provoking lectures to attend (with the occasional longing for a nap), and small group sessions that uncover our every gift and flaw.  Each flaw uncovered is an opportunity for learning, and held gently and lovingly by the surrounding community.  When approached with such love, it is possible to be vulnerable.  And possible to grow in deep and unexpected ways.  Community makes such a difference!

Chapel has been amazing, and is always my favorite part of being here.  We are reading Mark 6: 32-50 - one verse at a time.  Yes, one verse at a time.  We hear the verse in the morning and have 10 minutes of silence to contemplate the verse, then it lives on in us throughout the day.  We come back to chapel in the evening and hear it again, with a few words of reflection by our Chaplain.  Then we sit with it in silence again.   During the day the verse stretches and grows, and sometimes it dances and spins.  Even when I think the verse has nothing to say to me, it will catch me by surprise in an unexpected moment of clarity and insight - Lectio Divina at its finest!  And what we are hearing in chapel ties into our course work, with at least a half dozen of my colleagues saying to me: "I can't believe how worship and our course work is tying into the issues I brought from my parish - the things that are stirring in my heart.  How did they know?"  And all the issues are different, as are all my colleagues, and yet...somehow...we are all being fed.  There is more than enough here in this lonely, deserted place where we came away from the busyness of vocation to have some time alone with God.  And even with the demands of the "intensive," we are all being fed by the "hunger that feeds us."

 I stand awed by the Mystery, and dance in my heart like only a two-year-old can!

With love and deep gratitude,
Kim

"Bird Time" and crock pot soup

I had forgotten how clear the night sky was in San Anselmo.  Tonight after community dinner I sat on that bench under the wise old trees and saw the stars fill the sky - when filtered through the limbs they looked like Christmas lights on the branches.  There was a faint hint of wood smoke in the very crisp air.  The rains of Saturday had given way to a clearer and drier Sunday.  My bones and joints rejoiced!

It is good to be back.  The travel here was uneventful (a direct flight!) and the apartment is basic but comfortable.  A migraine yesterday made day 1 less than fun, but with Bill's help, I did the necessary shopping and unpacking, and started to find my feet.  My one disappointment yesterday was a distinct lack of bird jazz in the Whole Foods parking lot.  My favorite ensemble was gone - sigh!

Today we finished some errands (sans migraine) before taking Bill to the airport, including the purchase of a brilliantly cheap but functional crock pot.  I spent New Year's Day carefully measuring out all manner of herbs and spices for slow cooker soups and stews so I could stay on my program while here.   The local "big box store" had one for less than the cost of yesterday's lunch, so I was most pleased with this simple purchase.  And...yon BBS is near Whole Foods, so I thought I might drop in just one more time to see if my winged troubadours were there...

...and they were!  I could hear them in the near distance, up in a tree several lots over.  But I knew that song, and took a deep breath and relaxed.  In the midst of change, old friends were here to greet me - in their own sweet time - bird time!

This year the reading list is longer, and the texts are more challenging.  In Discernment: Systems and Structures and Nature I will not only be looking how God is working in systems and structures (in a macro way), but specifically how God is at work in my system/role of Senior Pastor/Head of Staff/CEO - and how my awareness of this and better understanding of systems theory viz my role can help to empower my community.  The interface with nature feeds my soul - and makes this the only program that looks theologically at the role of the natural world in ministry.  In the Contemporary Issues class we will be looking at how "dynamics of culture, context and social location influence our ability to notice (or not notice) the Spirit's movement - looking specifically at issues of race and racism, class and classism, gender and sexism, as well as assumptions about our relationships to the more-than-human creation" (I love that phrase - "more-than-human creation" and have had my first taste of the writings of Erazim Kohak - nice)!  Big topics - challenging topics.  I can't wait!  Sadly, our class has shrunk by almost half; but it was good to see familiar faces tonight, and to pick up some conversations where we left them a year ago.

I will probably post less to the blog this year given my reading list and work load, and because I have a 5:30 am date every day at the YMCA of Marin so I can keep swimming.  Swimming and crock pot soups, coupled with stimulating academics, supportive community, and silence and prayer, create truly powerful medicine.

Game On!
With love and anticipation,
Kim

PS - the first Crock Pot Soup was "Lentil and Pea" - a great success!