Presence not Performance - Sabbath Revisited

I am preparing to observe my fourth Sabbath - I have managed to maintain a 24ish hour period of Sabbath for the past four weeks.  It has surprised me in many ways, not the least of which is how hard it can be to shift into a time of deep "be-ing."

The first Sabbath a month ago was aided by a migraine - taking a 24 hr time out with rest, prayer, and gentle reading felt like a gift.  And my head hurt enough that competing possibilities were not attractive.

I upped the challenge with the second Sabbath by unplugging - no computer/emails etc for the 24 hrs.  Much to my surprise, I felt like an addict going through withdrawal.  That experience provided interesting (and unsettling) data.  The truth may set you free, but it isn't always pretty to view.

Sabbath III felt less like detox and more like refreshment.  Prayer and rest felt more natural - and I had proof that the zillion of tasks that I thought required immediate attention would wait for another day.  I felt myself slowing down, and recalibrating - and was less defensive about what I was not doing.  Nice.

I must have been in elementary school when I first heard about the Sabbath (we were required to memorize the Ten Commandments).  "Remember the Sabbath day to keep it holy" involved going to Sunday School and Church, while avoiding work, shopping or secular entertainment.  I remember asking about homework - thinking that it surely would fall under the heading of "work." My Sunday School teacher explained that an exception was made for homework and chores (if we had been unable to finish those things on Saturday).  I was not impressed.

Nor did I fully understand what observing the Sabbath meant.  To my young mind, it seemed like yet another list of rules to be followed to please the god of rules and regulations - heaven as a police state that monitored our compliance with the rules.  And of course, no one can keep all the rules - it was a set up for failure that reinforced the notion of our "fallen nature" - yuk.

What if I had instead been introduced to Sabbath as an invitation to play with God - to relax with God - to rest in God's loving presence - to be myself in the presence of a loving God, instead of trying to please a judgmental god through my compliant behavior (or disappoint that judgmental god through my failures).  Perhaps I would have been less scandalized when later in life I encountered the writings of  William McNamara and his invitation to Holy Leisure - to generously "waste" large amounts of time with God - to believe that God delighted in my presence and did not need my compliant performance.  Perhaps I would have spent less time in self judgment and condemnation, and more easily viewed life through a lens of acceptance and grace.

Play - relax - rest - be - Sabbath as something to be anticipated with joy.  And my time for Sabbath is now (literally).

What does Sabbath mean to you?  How do you observe it?

Unplugging - and getting ready to rest and play with God,
Kim

Rip Currents, a Goldfinch, and Body Talk

A goldfinch visited me this afternoon - he perched on a top branch like an angel on a Christmas tree.  I just happened to be looking out the window when he landed; I watched and listened as he sang his heart out - and I allowed my heart to sing with his!  My song started out heavy and confused, but lightened as it joined his song.  What a lovely and unexpected gift!

It has been hard to write, mostly because I find this experience of "groundlessness" to be simultaneously rich and terrifying.  I do like my structure - knowing what is going to happen next - and appreciate the experience of the unknown best in the abstract.  This is not abstract.

I have chosen to stay with the uncertainty and groundlessness of this experience - to not get out of the water even with the shifting sands and their accompanying rip currents.  The key to surviving a rip is to not panic and fight them (so they say) - swim parallel to the shore (relax and go with the flow) until you break free.  I got caught in an emotional/spiritual rip today and found the advice to be helpful.  Not fighting and working with the energy was ultimately better than pushing against it.  I eventually made it back to shore.  Phew!

Along with these emotional/spiritual swimming lessons, a new avenue of discernment has been prominent this past week.  Although I had read that our bodies contain wisdom and speak to us of what is/is not helpful/healing for us, I have never test driven this discernment method.  I brought my awareness to my body and have been paying attention to the truth it is speaking, and have been amazed at the wisdom that is held by the body - incarnational wisdom.  I listen with surprise, and awe, and no small amount of gratitude.  Perhaps in time I can act on what I hear.

Shamans say the presence of a goldfinch indicates the willingness to be open to learning from unlikely and unusual sources.  May my heart remain open to wisdom in all her many forms.

How are you encountering the voice of wisdom in your life?

Singing with the goldfinch,
Kim