Tonight brings me to Winnemucca, where I am staying at the "Model T Casino, Hotel and RV - Home of the Fill'er Up Diner" (suffice it to say that when you book this place by phone or online, you book through Quality Inn. The rest is a surprise upon arrival).
I drove here by starlight, having reached Reno just as dusk settled. With clear skies and a favorable weather forecast, one last push made good sense - especially with a sky full of stars and one beautiful bright "traveling star" staying in my field of vision through the passenger side window. That being said, I want to give a shout out to the kind truckers who, during the unexpected snowstorm and white outs about 47 miles W of Winnemucca, let me slip my little car into the "rocking chair" until the road conditions improved. The kindness of strangers is always a sweet gift.
The drive was otherwise uneventful. I left a little after 1 pm, thanks to a 2nd year classmate who helped me load my car - what a blessing! Traffic was moderate to Sacramento, and then heavy almost until Auburn. It snowed over Donner, but nothing was sticking to the road. The trees looked enchanted - it was beautiful. And before I knew it, I was driving through Reno. I think I stopped wiping my eyes around Auburn. Until then, it was an intermittent flow of tears of joy and sadness.
I have seen some amazing things during this past three weeks - witnessed the movement of the Spirit in ways I never dreamed possible. There were times when I wanted to remove my shoes, for it felt like I was standing on holy ground. More often than not, I was indeed standing in a "thin place."
Three years ago, eight of us began this three year Intensive cohort. By year two, two had resigned, and one had joined us. We are an amazingly diverse group in every way possible, but through the intensity of the program coupled with our praying together, we formed a bond that is indescribable. We experienced love in a new way - a powerful way - because this love helped each of us to more fully become our true selves. We experienced church/community in such a clear and true form - both within our group, and within the larger community that held sacred space for us. I am amazed and awed by the growth that has happened in all of us.
Saying goodbye was heartbreaking - it was like leaving members of my family. Four of our group will remain in the Bay Area (for now), and three of us have further travel to get to our other homes and families. I have no doubt that each of us cherishes what we have experienced and witnessed.
What God has done in our lives through the mystery and miracle of community is incredible! How God has ministered to each one of us through another takes my breath away. We were blessed with a Master Teacher and Preacher (and theologian, and Pastor, and Prophet) for our last course, and his words were manna from heaven - and strong medicine. He embodied a lifetime of faithful witness and service - his level of integrity and credibility was second to none. I never left a lecture without having heard the words I needed for life - God working through one person to minister to many. I suspect his words will continue ringing in my heart for a long time to come (both the strong medicine and loving affirmation).
Thursday night at Chapel I met a sister UCC minister and retired professor from Emory; again, she embodied the grace and compassion of a life of loving service. I will use her profound words on Sunday for the Communion Service that celebrates Black History Month. I will never forget the depth and tenderness in her eyes. She walks with a cane, and does so with grace and dignity (without any of the judgment that plagues me). At one point during the evening, she wrapped her arms around me to give me a hug, and I instantly knew that it was God hugging me through her. I felt the most amazing peace and loving tenderness envelop me - sacred space - God working through the life and love of one person to minister to another. I lost all sense of time - I only knew that I was loved, and that was enough!
Lives changed - hard truths spoken - challenges met - fears faced - love given and received - boxes of tissue emptied - laughter shared (our cohort is know for our quirky sense of humor - we make videos to bring a lighter side to the serious work we do, and these videos have taken on a life of their own)! All of this within the container - the crucible - the safe space - the gift - of community.
I am transformed because of what I have seen and experienced. I honor God's gift when I share this experience with others - helping to create community where transformation happens for all who accept its invitation.
Tomorrow, it is back to Boise, and goodbye to the good people of Winnemucca (who are, by far, the friendliest people I have ever met). This visit's "friendliest minimum wage worker award" goes to the drive-through cashier at the Burger King - if her enthusiasm and kindness could be bottled and shared, the world would be unrecognizable!
And Sunday it is back to my duties at the church. If I can bring a small part of what I have experienced these three years in Intensive into my ministry at Boise First, I will not only honor the keepers of the sacred space - people who have taught me so much - but I will give my congregation a precious gift.
Oh - what I have witnessed! What I have seen, and heard - and known to be true!
Awed by God's grace,
Kim
Friday, January 31, 2014
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Slow Books
January Intensive is almost over - how did that happen?!? It seems like it was only yesterday that I was driving into the Bay Area in the dark and at rush hour on a Friday night, feeling the shock of no longer being in the vast unpopulated expanses of Idaho and Nevada. And then before I could catch my breath, Course 1 of the Intensive was underway, and I was buried alive in books. The first course was truly quantity over quality - a ridiculous amount of material had to be covered in an extremely short period of time, so we read (and read and read). What was actually integrated remains to be seen!
I was relieved to see that the books for Course 2 were in paperback and looked much smaller. And with a master teacher at the helm, the pace (although very intense), felt less manic. Noticing that we only had two small books assigned for this weekend past, I thought for sure I would find time to go to the coast and enjoy this beautiful sunshine...
...but it was not to be. And I am not complaining, because one book was written by Howard Thurman, and the other by Abraham Joshua Heschel. With my plans effectively shelved, I curled up on the sofa and enjoyed a weekend of reading slow books - books that are meant to be savored and read word by word, line by line. What a treat!
It is hard to believe that I will be leaving here on Friday to make the drive back to Boise. There is much I will miss, and I already look forward to my first DMin summer course! But although there is much to miss, there is more that I will carry with me into my life and ministry. Without a doubt, these three Intensives have been the most valuable experiences since Seminary. I cherish what they have taught me about ministry, and look forward to honoring this work by faithfully putting it into practice. Slowly - intentionally - deliberately - tenderly -
- and joyfully!
Kim
I was relieved to see that the books for Course 2 were in paperback and looked much smaller. And with a master teacher at the helm, the pace (although very intense), felt less manic. Noticing that we only had two small books assigned for this weekend past, I thought for sure I would find time to go to the coast and enjoy this beautiful sunshine...
...but it was not to be. And I am not complaining, because one book was written by Howard Thurman, and the other by Abraham Joshua Heschel. With my plans effectively shelved, I curled up on the sofa and enjoyed a weekend of reading slow books - books that are meant to be savored and read word by word, line by line. What a treat!
It is hard to believe that I will be leaving here on Friday to make the drive back to Boise. There is much I will miss, and I already look forward to my first DMin summer course! But although there is much to miss, there is more that I will carry with me into my life and ministry. Without a doubt, these three Intensives have been the most valuable experiences since Seminary. I cherish what they have taught me about ministry, and look forward to honoring this work by faithfully putting it into practice. Slowly - intentionally - deliberately - tenderly -
- and joyfully!
Kim
Friday, January 17, 2014
Peace, Love & Community - A Healthy Church
Each weekday of Intensive begins and ends with Chapel, and at 5:15 pm Chapel we share in Communion. Once the words of Institution and prayers are said and the bread broken and wine (juice) poured, we form a circle to receive communion. After communion is received, we join hands and sing one closing song before greeting each other with the Peace of Christ. Tonight we sang: "Let us live in justice, love in mercy, dwell in God with a humble heart." Each time the humble chorus is repeated, the intensity, power, and volume seems to build until I half expect the chapel roof to split open! And I always (always) cry - tears of joy, tears for the beauty of community, tears of hope that what we experience here can somehow be nurtured in our parishes - that this incredible power can bring transformation to our world.
The beauty and power of community is unbelievable. I watch, utterly amazed, at how in this crucible of worship, study and practice we quickly form community. This community is shaped by a covenant of conduct, shared expectations and commitments - and shared experiences. We pray and worship together, we share some meals together, we learn, struggle and are stretched (almost to the breaking point) together. We laugh together (often), and support one another without trying to fix, enable, or manage one another. Sometimes we disagree (strongly), but use our mutual respect and community covenant to help us express big feelings in a constructive way. Although we come from extremely diverse backgrounds, cultures and theologies, we find a bond of unity that is strong and life-giving.
We become the Body of Christ.
The power of this experience sometimes takes my breath away. I am awed by it - and wonder about what will happen as each of us try to bring some of this back to our churches and communities.
What does it take to facilitate the formation of deep community in our local congregations? What type of crucible helps to form this kind of community within a local church? I think this is the missing element in so many church experiences today - not a clash over technology in worship vs. no technology in worship, or contemporary vs traditional worship experiences, but a strong experience of community vs. a weak or no experience of community. And with no sense of community, there is no desire for further involvement or investment. Church becomes just another organization that does good things, and has pretty meetings on Sunday morning.
We come to Chapel each day during Intensive not only to worship God, but to be there for our sisters and brothers - to be community. The same is true for shared meals, supporting one another in lecture or small group, or just being the best listener we can be - we bring this for one another, because we are the Body of Christ in this place, and try bring Christ to each other.
What does it take to invite the experience of community that transforms lives and churches?
I expect to ponder that question for the rest of my time here at SFTS.
*****
An quick aside - since moments of humor are absolutely necessary when attending an Intensive and living with big questions -
Best Business Name in San Anselmo: Peace, Love & Grilled Cheeses - A Hair Salon
(gotta love California)!
Pondering all of this - while being held in community, and remembering to laugh,
Kim
The beauty and power of community is unbelievable. I watch, utterly amazed, at how in this crucible of worship, study and practice we quickly form community. This community is shaped by a covenant of conduct, shared expectations and commitments - and shared experiences. We pray and worship together, we share some meals together, we learn, struggle and are stretched (almost to the breaking point) together. We laugh together (often), and support one another without trying to fix, enable, or manage one another. Sometimes we disagree (strongly), but use our mutual respect and community covenant to help us express big feelings in a constructive way. Although we come from extremely diverse backgrounds, cultures and theologies, we find a bond of unity that is strong and life-giving.
We become the Body of Christ.
The power of this experience sometimes takes my breath away. I am awed by it - and wonder about what will happen as each of us try to bring some of this back to our churches and communities.
What does it take to facilitate the formation of deep community in our local congregations? What type of crucible helps to form this kind of community within a local church? I think this is the missing element in so many church experiences today - not a clash over technology in worship vs. no technology in worship, or contemporary vs traditional worship experiences, but a strong experience of community vs. a weak or no experience of community. And with no sense of community, there is no desire for further involvement or investment. Church becomes just another organization that does good things, and has pretty meetings on Sunday morning.
We come to Chapel each day during Intensive not only to worship God, but to be there for our sisters and brothers - to be community. The same is true for shared meals, supporting one another in lecture or small group, or just being the best listener we can be - we bring this for one another, because we are the Body of Christ in this place, and try bring Christ to each other.
What does it take to invite the experience of community that transforms lives and churches?
I expect to ponder that question for the rest of my time here at SFTS.
*****
An quick aside - since moments of humor are absolutely necessary when attending an Intensive and living with big questions -
Best Business Name in San Anselmo: Peace, Love & Grilled Cheeses - A Hair Salon
(gotta love California)!
Pondering all of this - while being held in community, and remembering to laugh,
Kim
Saturday, January 11, 2014
Bell Talk - and Church Growth
The bell inviting the faithful to worship was just beginning to sound as I got out of my car. I wonder how the neighbors of this residential neighborhood respond to the bells from St Nicholas Parish...certainly the one bell calling the faithful would be easy to miss, but when the entire chorus of bells celebrates the beginning of the liturgy - oh my! The sound is so - incredible - that it resonates through everything (including me).
I quietly slip into the nave - the church is dark, except for a few candles. The choir is gathering, and last minute preparations are under way. I sit on a bench against the back wall. Two people enter who I've seen during my visits here the past two years. They nod in recognition. An elderly lady sits next to me - we share a smile. She either doesn't speak English, or doesn't speak English in this setting. But smiling is a universal language.
And then the bells start to sing - all of them - it is an amazing sound! I notice my eyes welling up with tears as every cell in my body resonates with the peal of the bells. And then before the bells finish, the church is full of people - my how this congregation has grown! Children and elders, teens and thirty-somethings. Plenty of gray haired saints, and children sleeping in their parent's arms. It is so full that I cannot even see the iconostasis from where I am sitting - all I can see are people! What a blessing for this parish!
But then I look up and see a beautiful icon of Christ the Teacher right at the center of the ceiling - presiding over the experience as if looking down from heaven - I have something to gaze upon after all! Worship begins. The choir is glorious - the air thick with a lovely incense - more candles are lit as we move in the liturgy from darkness to light. I find myself singing some of the chants - amazed that the words and melody stay recorded in my body from year to year...amazed at how my body follows the rhythm of the liturgy as I am swept up in the beauty of the experience. Glory.
As incredible as the experience is, what I find to be truly amazing is how all these individuals in this growing parish manage to come together to form a cohesive worshipping body, without the assistance of printed bulletins, hymnals, projectors and screens. The church growth gurus would say this is impossible, given what we know about church behaviors that invite growth.
And yet, the sanctuary was full tonight - double the people who were here last year at this time. No separate program for the children - no printed music or bulletin to follow - everyone united in their desire to create something of beauty and meaning together.
Together.
I observed their creation, and also was blessed to be part of it. And although, for theological reasons, I am quite happy serving the UCC, I wonder if, perhaps, we might learn a thing or two from our sisters and brothers who approach worship and community in ways different from our own.
Beauty - transcendence - whole body worship practices - intergenerational participation - glory!
I can still hear the bells ringing in my heart, as they call me into joy!
Tomorrow at 6 pm marks the beginning of my last Intensive here at SFTS. Let the experience begin!
With joy,
Kim
I quietly slip into the nave - the church is dark, except for a few candles. The choir is gathering, and last minute preparations are under way. I sit on a bench against the back wall. Two people enter who I've seen during my visits here the past two years. They nod in recognition. An elderly lady sits next to me - we share a smile. She either doesn't speak English, or doesn't speak English in this setting. But smiling is a universal language.
And then the bells start to sing - all of them - it is an amazing sound! I notice my eyes welling up with tears as every cell in my body resonates with the peal of the bells. And then before the bells finish, the church is full of people - my how this congregation has grown! Children and elders, teens and thirty-somethings. Plenty of gray haired saints, and children sleeping in their parent's arms. It is so full that I cannot even see the iconostasis from where I am sitting - all I can see are people! What a blessing for this parish!
But then I look up and see a beautiful icon of Christ the Teacher right at the center of the ceiling - presiding over the experience as if looking down from heaven - I have something to gaze upon after all! Worship begins. The choir is glorious - the air thick with a lovely incense - more candles are lit as we move in the liturgy from darkness to light. I find myself singing some of the chants - amazed that the words and melody stay recorded in my body from year to year...amazed at how my body follows the rhythm of the liturgy as I am swept up in the beauty of the experience. Glory.
As incredible as the experience is, what I find to be truly amazing is how all these individuals in this growing parish manage to come together to form a cohesive worshipping body, without the assistance of printed bulletins, hymnals, projectors and screens. The church growth gurus would say this is impossible, given what we know about church behaviors that invite growth.
And yet, the sanctuary was full tonight - double the people who were here last year at this time. No separate program for the children - no printed music or bulletin to follow - everyone united in their desire to create something of beauty and meaning together.
Together.
I observed their creation, and also was blessed to be part of it. And although, for theological reasons, I am quite happy serving the UCC, I wonder if, perhaps, we might learn a thing or two from our sisters and brothers who approach worship and community in ways different from our own.
Beauty - transcendence - whole body worship practices - intergenerational participation - glory!
I can still hear the bells ringing in my heart, as they call me into joy!
Tomorrow at 6 pm marks the beginning of my last Intensive here at SFTS. Let the experience begin!
With joy,
Kim
Friday, January 10, 2014
Pop!
There is always a good reason for not coming to do the next course for my DMin. And the Festive Season and New Year brought reasons in spades. Earlier this week I sat trying to figure out the logistics of attending this last January Intensive, and the more I tried to reason my way through it, the deeper in "stuck" I got. Soon I was waist deep in stuck and sinking fast - and almost ready to throw in the towel. Drastic situations call for drastic measures - so being unable to think my way through how to make this work, I instead stopped thinking about it and just got in my car and drove to California.
Pop!
Given the fact that I've lost my love of winter driving (despite being born and raised in Buffalo, NY), do not drive a snow plow or big truck, and have heard horror stories of the drive from Boise to the Bay Area in the wintertime, I cannot believe that I did this. But here I am, in a Travelodge in San Raphael - safe, breathing deeply, and thoroughly unstuck.
The drive was glorious, and exactly the medicine I needed! I was born to live in the West (sorry, Buffalo). Give me wide open spaces, sage brush and mountains, and I am a happy camper. And there were moments when I was the only one on the road (bliss). Nevada was the best - loved it! It brought back memories from my teens of when I ditched whichever family members I was with in Vegas and took the rental car and drove towards the mountains! I couldn't understand why anyone would waste their time in a casino when you had mountains to explore. In fact, it was as I was crossing from Oregon to Nevada that I heard that signature loud popping sound (you know the sound...like when you have a jar of jam and cannot open the lid, and you use the sharp end of a bottle opener to lift the edge of the lid until you hear the loud pop indicating that the seal is broken and the lid can be easily unscrewed). With that "pop" came a deep breath, and the realization that I was no longer stuck!
Best Road Sign: Chicken Dinner Road (outside of Marsing in Idaho)
Most Ridiculous Speed Limit: Oregon (Really? 55 mph going through the Jordan Valley? Why? Even the livestock laugh at the cars rolling past in slow motion)!
Most Civilized Speed Limit: Nevada and parts of Idaho (anything less than 75 mph in the middle of nowhere is just plain silly)
Important Lesson Learned: There is minimal FM radio from Jordan Valley to Winnemucca. Bring more CDs
Most Outrageous Radio Evangelist: The guy who tried to explain how Joseph (in the Hebrew Scriptures) is actually a pre-figuring of Jesus, and that Joseph's management of the famine in Egypt (by taking the livestock, land, and enslaving the people) is meant to show how Jesus wants us to hand over all our stuff and our lives to him. Wait a minute...might this be a next year's stewardship campaign...
Friendliest Person: Cashier at the Sawtooth Gas Station and Mart just before Winnemucca
This is close to the most impulsive thing I have ever done. I confess that this sense of unstuckness - this sense of freedom - leaves me almost giddy. My sore knee keeps me from dancing, but I am happy dancing inside. I was even happy dancing in the car - there were times when I would get pop radio stations, and so happy dancing got me through all the verses of "American Pie" (twice), the endless fascination one station had with Janet Jackson (Nasty Station), and even found a way to accompany a pop song by Anna Nalick.
Deep breath - big sky - miles of wild - horses, cattle, calves, and goats - stretches of time with no signs of civilization except for the road beneath me. There were places where there were no power lines or fences - just wide open spaces. And peace. Good medicine. Good prayer time.
Just breathe - thank you, Anna. But I have to disagree - we can jump the tracks - we are not cars on a cable.
Sometimes, when you can't reason you way through a situation, and what you normally do isn't working, you just have to trust your heart, jump the tracks, and see what happens.
Unstuck is what happened here.
Happy Dancing in San Raphael,
Kim
Pop!
Given the fact that I've lost my love of winter driving (despite being born and raised in Buffalo, NY), do not drive a snow plow or big truck, and have heard horror stories of the drive from Boise to the Bay Area in the wintertime, I cannot believe that I did this. But here I am, in a Travelodge in San Raphael - safe, breathing deeply, and thoroughly unstuck.
The drive was glorious, and exactly the medicine I needed! I was born to live in the West (sorry, Buffalo). Give me wide open spaces, sage brush and mountains, and I am a happy camper. And there were moments when I was the only one on the road (bliss). Nevada was the best - loved it! It brought back memories from my teens of when I ditched whichever family members I was with in Vegas and took the rental car and drove towards the mountains! I couldn't understand why anyone would waste their time in a casino when you had mountains to explore. In fact, it was as I was crossing from Oregon to Nevada that I heard that signature loud popping sound (you know the sound...like when you have a jar of jam and cannot open the lid, and you use the sharp end of a bottle opener to lift the edge of the lid until you hear the loud pop indicating that the seal is broken and the lid can be easily unscrewed). With that "pop" came a deep breath, and the realization that I was no longer stuck!
Best Road Sign: Chicken Dinner Road (outside of Marsing in Idaho)
Most Ridiculous Speed Limit: Oregon (Really? 55 mph going through the Jordan Valley? Why? Even the livestock laugh at the cars rolling past in slow motion)!
Most Civilized Speed Limit: Nevada and parts of Idaho (anything less than 75 mph in the middle of nowhere is just plain silly)
Important Lesson Learned: There is minimal FM radio from Jordan Valley to Winnemucca. Bring more CDs
Most Outrageous Radio Evangelist: The guy who tried to explain how Joseph (in the Hebrew Scriptures) is actually a pre-figuring of Jesus, and that Joseph's management of the famine in Egypt (by taking the livestock, land, and enslaving the people) is meant to show how Jesus wants us to hand over all our stuff and our lives to him. Wait a minute...might this be a next year's stewardship campaign...
Friendliest Person: Cashier at the Sawtooth Gas Station and Mart just before Winnemucca
This is close to the most impulsive thing I have ever done. I confess that this sense of unstuckness - this sense of freedom - leaves me almost giddy. My sore knee keeps me from dancing, but I am happy dancing inside. I was even happy dancing in the car - there were times when I would get pop radio stations, and so happy dancing got me through all the verses of "American Pie" (twice), the endless fascination one station had with Janet Jackson (Nasty Station), and even found a way to accompany a pop song by Anna Nalick.
Deep breath - big sky - miles of wild - horses, cattle, calves, and goats - stretches of time with no signs of civilization except for the road beneath me. There were places where there were no power lines or fences - just wide open spaces. And peace. Good medicine. Good prayer time.
Just breathe - thank you, Anna. But I have to disagree - we can jump the tracks - we are not cars on a cable.
Sometimes, when you can't reason you way through a situation, and what you normally do isn't working, you just have to trust your heart, jump the tracks, and see what happens.
Unstuck is what happened here.
Happy Dancing in San Raphael,
Kim
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