The hawk returned this Advent to hunt the birds that feed and shelter in my backyard. She is a year older - no longer the awkward 'tween of last year who still hadn't mastered her landings. The first telltale sign of her presence was a pile of quail feathers by the deck (now covered in snow). Snow covers everything in my backyard today - it will be a white Christmas for sure. White snow covering the feathers...white sky all the way to the horizon...white snow falling from the sky. It is a peaceful scene - yet there she sits on a tree branch as still as can be - waiting for the smallest flap of a wing to show her the way to her next meal. Death and beauty sitting outside my window - together.
This is a complicated world. She is so beautiful. As are the birds she hunts. I root for the quail and the mourning doves and the little spurdies she feasts on. And yet I confess that she has a place in my heart, too. Those beautiful words from Isaiah that speak of the peaceable kingdom express my longings this Advent - O that the hawk and the quail would graze on seed together...O that those who are sharply divided in our nation would come together on common ground and throw a party where people laugh and tell stories and forget that they are enemies. O that the never-ending-ever-evolving-always-present mess in the geopolitical area surrounding the cave where animals sheltered the newborn Jesus would know peace. O that the families facing heartbreaking circumstances would experience healing and joy. O...O...O...
...O how I long for the peaceable kingdom!
This Advent has been an interesting journey - a departure, in so many ways, from my decades old routine. I began Advent "early" on November 15th, choosing to be French - or Celtic - or Orthodox in my observance of a forty day period before Christmas. Part of that choice was for self preservation - 2016 has been wickedly difficult in so many ways!!!!! Since Advent is my favorite season, more seemed better. I even hauled out the boxes of Christmas decorations thinking I would decorate early this year. I dusted off my Advent devotionals and purchased a few new ones to try. During the week of Thanksgiving I got my Advent wreath out and placed new pure beeswax candles in it - just so I was ready on the Eve of the 1st Sunday of Advent. Normally I take my advent devotionals and put them near the wreath, using my devotional time each day to read them by the light of the purple and pink candles. But this was no normal Advent - and more was not better. Much to my surprise, more quickly became less as I followed that quiet inner prompting. The decorations are still in their boxes (they may come out today). The academic books I was reading got put away and the devotionals replaced them. And the devotionals were read slowly - they were savored - read not like academic works, but like one reads the the sky - or the face of a dear friend. And they were not read at the Advent wreath.
As for my time each day at the Advent wreath - that changed completely. No longer distracted by reading devotionals, I instead lit the requisite candle(s) and then just sat in God's presence. To keep myself honest I used my hour glass to set the time (actually it is a fifteen-minute-glass). The first few days I was fidgety and my mind raced at breakneck pace. But slowly my monkey mind and tense body began to relax and welcome this time with God. No agenda - no list of petitions - no inspirational reading to keep me comfortably distracted - just candlelight and silence and the desire to be in God's presence.
I would like to tell you that because of these new practices circumstances magically changed and the world around me became the longed for peaceable kingdom...that the people I loved were miraculously healed and that suffering was ended. But you know that isn't true. Circumstances on December 23rd for citizens of this country and global village are as scary as they were when Advent began. And dear loved ones still struggle with circumstances that would break mere mortals. And yet...
...and yet I feel a peace deep within me that defies explanation. Clearly this peace is not linked to circumstances. I also feel a joy that again cannot be explained by anything external.
Perhaps this peace and joy will be the foundation from which I can continue the work that slowly - one encounter at a time - births the peaceable kingdom into our world...the work that moves us away from dualistic thinking and embraces the both/and that leads to transformation. The needs are so great - and my personal resources feel so damn inadequate. And yet...somehow...the gifts that God has planted in my heart and the longing for the peaceable kingdom that God nurtures in my soul is enough to empower me to do my part. It is enough. I am enough. God is enough.
Today I love both the hawk and the quail without turning away from either. I watch the snow fall and warm my hands near the flame of a candle that has given both light and warmth for many hours. And I smile as a warmth from deep within me overflows.
With love and warmest wishes for a meaningful Advent and blessed Christmastide,
Kim
