I have always loved Holy Saturday. Whereas Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, and Easter (The Great Vigil of Easter through the Sunrise Service to the Festival Celebration of the Resurrection) are stuffed full of liturgical possibilities, Holy Saturday is -
Empty. Vacant. Still. How does one sacralize thin space - liminal space? Chrysalis time. Womb time - where everything is happening behind the scenes that makes the impending celebration possible. Sabbath rest time. Richard Rohr calls it "the crucial in-between time - when everything actually happens and yet nothing appears to be happening. It is the waiting period when the cake bakes, the movement is made, the transformation takes place" (Wondrous Encounters: Scripture for Lent, p 141). Perhaps it is because there are no set expectations of how this time is meant to be observed that allows for the presence of that intoxicating scent of freedom and possibility.
I pruned rose bushes for Holy Saturday. I simply could not stay indoors on such a glorious day. In the backyard I was serenaded by the birds, and joined God in creating the space for beauty in the near future. Every once in a while the traffic noise from Meridian Road was still, and I could hear the chickens from the farm across the road. Our development doesn't allow chickens, but they encourage spraying the lawns with chemicals to kill the bugs that chickens would naturally eat. Silly rules.
I made a pot of spring vegetable soup. I listened to the birds. I put aloe on the cuts from the thorns. I felt the warmth of the sun seeping deeper into my body, until my joints all seemed to take a deep breath and relax. Nice.
In many ways all of Lent has been thin space for me, so much so that words were not possible. But I notice that the words are back again, so perhaps the cake is almost done. I confess that what is emerging in my soul is unexpected (I thought for sure I put a chocolate cake in the oven, but that's not what I smell)...
...but the fragrance is delightful - mysterious - welcome. I celebrate this unexpected emerging gift.
What new life/new possibilities/new beginning is emerging for you at the end of this sacred journey?
Easter blessings,
Kim
Saturday, March 30, 2013
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Bread of Heaven
Yesterday was bread baking day at the Monastery, which means that every inch of the building - chapel included - was filled with the fragrance of freshly baked bread. Since bread is one of my favorite foods (ever), I find the aroma to be almost intoxicating. Sadly, it is not something I can enjoy right now, so the longing went unfulfilled. Freshly baked bread is not something I can eat; it no longer sustains me. But I still love it, and miss it! Rice bread, or sprouted organic "who knows what" bread just doesn't taste the same as a lovely loaf of oatmeal bread.
When David was growing up I made oatmeal bread with some regularity. One day (when we lived in Taborton), I took two loaves out of the oven and put them on the counter to cool - a stick of margarine next to them that had been used to "butter" the tops of the hot loaves. I went into the other room to read, and a little while later had a sense that I needed to go back into the kitchen. When I turned the corner I found our labrador puppy Cali sitting on the counter starting on her second loaf of bread - her face and paws smeared with what was left of the margarine. I fully understood where she was coming from!
With this longing unfulfilled, I was tempted to go down the "woe is me" path (or "woe unto me" if I wanted to be Biblical), but my better angels encouraged me to instead think about what does and can sustain me.
What is bread for me now - today - at this place in my life? What sustains me, nourishes me, and helps me to be healthy and well? What gives me life? Quickly these questions took me from the realm of whole wheat or rye to the very core of what keeps my soul alive.
I return to Boise tomorrow having spent valuable time here being challenged and nourished - sitting with questions that brought forth important answers. I was embraced by the love and respect of this special community, and go back to my daily life with their prayers and blessings. My experience here is bread for me now; the challenge is to find an equally nourishing source of bread back in Boise.
What is bread for you? Where do you find your sustenance? What gives you life?
Bread for the journey,
Kim
When David was growing up I made oatmeal bread with some regularity. One day (when we lived in Taborton), I took two loaves out of the oven and put them on the counter to cool - a stick of margarine next to them that had been used to "butter" the tops of the hot loaves. I went into the other room to read, and a little while later had a sense that I needed to go back into the kitchen. When I turned the corner I found our labrador puppy Cali sitting on the counter starting on her second loaf of bread - her face and paws smeared with what was left of the margarine. I fully understood where she was coming from!
With this longing unfulfilled, I was tempted to go down the "woe is me" path (or "woe unto me" if I wanted to be Biblical), but my better angels encouraged me to instead think about what does and can sustain me.
What is bread for me now - today - at this place in my life? What sustains me, nourishes me, and helps me to be healthy and well? What gives me life? Quickly these questions took me from the realm of whole wheat or rye to the very core of what keeps my soul alive.
I return to Boise tomorrow having spent valuable time here being challenged and nourished - sitting with questions that brought forth important answers. I was embraced by the love and respect of this special community, and go back to my daily life with their prayers and blessings. My experience here is bread for me now; the challenge is to find an equally nourishing source of bread back in Boise.
What is bread for you? Where do you find your sustenance? What gives you life?
Bread for the journey,
Kim
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Robin repast, and lambs and their choices...
This is the first year I've noticed the flocking habits of robins. They first caught my attention a few weeks ago when the sky darkened outside my office window as no fewer than a hundred robins landed for a feeding frenzy on the crab apple trees adorning the church property (the first time, I might add, that I saw a useful purpose for those @&%! trees)! Although robins have a reputation for being territorial, I watched with utter amazement as they worked together to created Robin Thanksgiving -some bounced on branches and pecked at fruit until it fell onto the ground (which I might add, is the major drawback of these trees) while other birds savored the repast falling from the sky. They stayed about forty-five minutes, flew up into the trees, serenaded us with their lyrical signature tune, and then were gone. It was quite the sight! A smaller group (maybe 25) were feeding outside my window this morning. There was just enough sun hitting the window to keep me obscured from their vision by the glare. They fed within inches of the window, until a cloud passed by and revealed my location - and away they flew! It was nice to share breakfast with them - although I prefer my oat bran to their invertebrate food of choice! A flock of robins pulling spring and new life into the world by their sheer numbers - amazing!
That I noticed the robins this year is a sign that my primary New Year's intention (read: resolution) is continuing to unfold: I set the intention to consciously be more aware - awake - notice - God's presence in the world around me. Since I equate God with that which brings life (and is life), the robins - a traditional harbinger of spring and new life - connect me deeply with God.
It was a quiet day today - ample time for reading and reflection, worship, birdsong, proofing bulletins for worship this Sunday (the wonders of technology) and a long, reflective chat with my spiritual director. It was also the day I asked to borrow "The Book."
"The Book" first caught my attention my first year here at Cottonwood. I had come up for retreat, filled with the usual questions about leadership that pastors like me carry around in their heart, and in the course of a completely unrelated conversation, heard a quote from a book by Ruth Fox, OSB entitled Wisdom Leadership. I was captivated by the quote, and looked for the book in the library (no copy), checked Amazon (never heard of it), did a google search (nada), and finally went to my director and asked if she knew where I could find this book. She loaned me her copy, and I went back to my room and read it in one sitting - thrilled to find a book that talked about leadership in a way that made sense to my heart as well as my head. I knew that this book, and the ideas within it, would guide me into becoming a more effective leader while keeping me true to my values and beliefs. What a gift - and challenge!
Almost every visit back to the Monastery I have asked to borrow "The Book," and dipped into its wisdom on another aspect of leadership (this pastor has no end to her questions about what it means to express healthy leadership in a Christian community). The book always challenges me, and never disappoints me. I once even contacted the author to see if she could locate an extra copy of her book for me - it is the kind of book that belongs on my nightstand! Alas, she knew of no extra copies (it was self-published by the Sacred Heart Monastery in Richardton, North Dakota), and all the copies she had were gone. I accepted that I would only have access to "The Book" while on retreat, and called reading and discussing this book the "leadership seminar" that was part of my retreat time.
As I sat with "The Book" today, I felt compelled to try Amazon one more time - to see if they had a copy. And they did! A library had parted with their copy (fools!) and it was on Amazon for less than lunch at Shangri La. Soon it will be on my nightstand, and can inspire and challenge me daily.
One of today's most precious blessings (even more than Amazon and "The Book") was my time meditating in front of the reredos in the chapel. This amazing reredos is designed to allow the artwork to be changed - I love it when the Hubble/Holy Spirit image is up there - the universality of Spirit is breathtaking. But instead of my favorite image, now there is a painting of Jesus finding and helping a lost lamb. Not my preferred kind of artwork - the standard, barefoot European Jesus romantically helping the lost lamb - ho hum. But today I spent some time with it and noticed...attended...contemplated...and saw that the lamb was scratched and bleeding, and caught in a thorn bush...saw that Jesus was pulling back the branches of thorn bush so the lamb could step back and be free. Will the lamb step out of the thorns into freedom? That, my friends, is the $ 64,000 question posed to all people (and lambs).
The God who pulls back the wounding obstacles and gives us the choice to step away and be free - what a beautiful image of God! How much God must love and respect us to give us that choice - I note with interest that the artist doesn't have Jesus lifting the lamb out of the bush or pulling the lamb into freedom. Instead, Jesus, with bare hands, grasps the thorny branches and holds them back. The rest is up to the lamb. And us.
With love and blessings,
Kim
That I noticed the robins this year is a sign that my primary New Year's intention (read: resolution) is continuing to unfold: I set the intention to consciously be more aware - awake - notice - God's presence in the world around me. Since I equate God with that which brings life (and is life), the robins - a traditional harbinger of spring and new life - connect me deeply with God.
It was a quiet day today - ample time for reading and reflection, worship, birdsong, proofing bulletins for worship this Sunday (the wonders of technology) and a long, reflective chat with my spiritual director. It was also the day I asked to borrow "The Book."
"The Book" first caught my attention my first year here at Cottonwood. I had come up for retreat, filled with the usual questions about leadership that pastors like me carry around in their heart, and in the course of a completely unrelated conversation, heard a quote from a book by Ruth Fox, OSB entitled Wisdom Leadership. I was captivated by the quote, and looked for the book in the library (no copy), checked Amazon (never heard of it), did a google search (nada), and finally went to my director and asked if she knew where I could find this book. She loaned me her copy, and I went back to my room and read it in one sitting - thrilled to find a book that talked about leadership in a way that made sense to my heart as well as my head. I knew that this book, and the ideas within it, would guide me into becoming a more effective leader while keeping me true to my values and beliefs. What a gift - and challenge!
Almost every visit back to the Monastery I have asked to borrow "The Book," and dipped into its wisdom on another aspect of leadership (this pastor has no end to her questions about what it means to express healthy leadership in a Christian community). The book always challenges me, and never disappoints me. I once even contacted the author to see if she could locate an extra copy of her book for me - it is the kind of book that belongs on my nightstand! Alas, she knew of no extra copies (it was self-published by the Sacred Heart Monastery in Richardton, North Dakota), and all the copies she had were gone. I accepted that I would only have access to "The Book" while on retreat, and called reading and discussing this book the "leadership seminar" that was part of my retreat time.
As I sat with "The Book" today, I felt compelled to try Amazon one more time - to see if they had a copy. And they did! A library had parted with their copy (fools!) and it was on Amazon for less than lunch at Shangri La. Soon it will be on my nightstand, and can inspire and challenge me daily.
One of today's most precious blessings (even more than Amazon and "The Book") was my time meditating in front of the reredos in the chapel. This amazing reredos is designed to allow the artwork to be changed - I love it when the Hubble/Holy Spirit image is up there - the universality of Spirit is breathtaking. But instead of my favorite image, now there is a painting of Jesus finding and helping a lost lamb. Not my preferred kind of artwork - the standard, barefoot European Jesus romantically helping the lost lamb - ho hum. But today I spent some time with it and noticed...attended...contemplated...and saw that the lamb was scratched and bleeding, and caught in a thorn bush...saw that Jesus was pulling back the branches of thorn bush so the lamb could step back and be free. Will the lamb step out of the thorns into freedom? That, my friends, is the $ 64,000 question posed to all people (and lambs).
The God who pulls back the wounding obstacles and gives us the choice to step away and be free - what a beautiful image of God! How much God must love and respect us to give us that choice - I note with interest that the artist doesn't have Jesus lifting the lamb out of the bush or pulling the lamb into freedom. Instead, Jesus, with bare hands, grasps the thorny branches and holds them back. The rest is up to the lamb. And us.
With love and blessings,
Kim
Monday, March 4, 2013
Glory
My guardian angels were on active duty today as I drove up the 95 to Cottonwood, Idaho, and a Lenten Retreat with the Sisters of St. Gertrude. Each mile driven took me deeper into the signs of spring and new life, from the adorable lambies at Thompson Ranch and the sweet calvies grazing on the hillsides, to the bald eagle that flew across my path somewhere between New Meadows and Riggins - and the ancient willow shimmering in that new coat of yellow/green. By the time I arrived here I was completely enchanted by what I had seen - creation works her magic yet again! I was probably the most distracted driver on the road today, and it had nothing to do with technology or mind-altering substances. I saw my first bald eagle in flight - incredible!
I settled into my room by pulling the rocker in front of the window so I could savor the view. A visit with my spiritual director reminded me of the importance of rest, prayer, and play (they have an art/play room now - with a sandbox)!!!!! Studies show that this combination of deep relaxation, inspiration and recreation (read: play) sparks creativity as it refreshes the soul. We'll see - right now I'm less worried about outcomes and instead focused on being present, aware and awake for this sacred time with God.
The word for this retreat is kindness - I've been invited to show deep kindness to myself.
After dinner tonight I sat in front of the window and watched a herd of deer cross the meadow as the stars appeared. It is a crisp, clear night, and I found myself being beckoned outside...so with a few words of encouragement to my knee, I bundled up, grabbed two canes, and hobbled out to the hillside. As I looked up at the Milky Way and listened to the deep call of an owl, the only words I could say were glory...
...and amen.
May you know the renewing power of the natural world - and may you see abundant signs of spring!
With love,
Kim
I settled into my room by pulling the rocker in front of the window so I could savor the view. A visit with my spiritual director reminded me of the importance of rest, prayer, and play (they have an art/play room now - with a sandbox)!!!!! Studies show that this combination of deep relaxation, inspiration and recreation (read: play) sparks creativity as it refreshes the soul. We'll see - right now I'm less worried about outcomes and instead focused on being present, aware and awake for this sacred time with God.
The word for this retreat is kindness - I've been invited to show deep kindness to myself.
After dinner tonight I sat in front of the window and watched a herd of deer cross the meadow as the stars appeared. It is a crisp, clear night, and I found myself being beckoned outside...so with a few words of encouragement to my knee, I bundled up, grabbed two canes, and hobbled out to the hillside. As I looked up at the Milky Way and listened to the deep call of an owl, the only words I could say were glory...
...and amen.
May you know the renewing power of the natural world - and may you see abundant signs of spring!
With love,
Kim
Saturday, March 2, 2013
Manna on Thursday
God stopped by my office for a chat on Thursday - a surprise visit, to be sure. That there was a visit to my office scheduled for that time was not the surprise...the unexpected part was that it was God who came along for the visit.
We had been talking only a few minutes when I noticed that this was not going as I had anticipated. Instead, over the course of half a hour, God shared some very important truths with me via my visitor -
- that God had indeed noticed what was going in in my heart and circumstances...
- that God cared deeply about what was happening...
- that I was not alone...
- that I was a capable adult and more than equal to the tasks before me
Noticed - cared for - not alone - capable - what gifts to be offered during this unexpected visit! Just when I think I have God's behaviors and routines all mapped out, I am reminded yet again that God is not a puppet at the end of my strings - but is completely free to surprise me at will and provide me with bread sufficient for the day (and then some).
To be reduced to awe and silence is a great gift. On Thursday I could only smile - there were no words. By Friday I could say "thank you." And today, well, I can say that my soul was fed manna on Thursday, thanks to the the open heart of a person who invited God to accompany them to an appointment with their pastor. They were quite a team!
What would this coming week look like if you invited God to accompany you as you interacted with people? Conversations, meetings, appointments, chance encounters - how might they be transformed if God joined you in the experience?
Still smiling from being noticed, cared for and reassured - bread from heaven -
Kim
We had been talking only a few minutes when I noticed that this was not going as I had anticipated. Instead, over the course of half a hour, God shared some very important truths with me via my visitor -
- that God had indeed noticed what was going in in my heart and circumstances...
- that God cared deeply about what was happening...
- that I was not alone...
- that I was a capable adult and more than equal to the tasks before me
Noticed - cared for - not alone - capable - what gifts to be offered during this unexpected visit! Just when I think I have God's behaviors and routines all mapped out, I am reminded yet again that God is not a puppet at the end of my strings - but is completely free to surprise me at will and provide me with bread sufficient for the day (and then some).
To be reduced to awe and silence is a great gift. On Thursday I could only smile - there were no words. By Friday I could say "thank you." And today, well, I can say that my soul was fed manna on Thursday, thanks to the the open heart of a person who invited God to accompany them to an appointment with their pastor. They were quite a team!
What would this coming week look like if you invited God to accompany you as you interacted with people? Conversations, meetings, appointments, chance encounters - how might they be transformed if God joined you in the experience?
Still smiling from being noticed, cared for and reassured - bread from heaven -
Kim
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