Two steps forward; five steps back. Three step forward; one step back. Two steps forward; three steps back. Six steps forward; four steps back. One step forward; hold ground.
Net gain: 1
I live in hope that one day growth and forward progress will be unencumbered by the ever-present back step. I finished my day and sat down to evaluate my choices and decisions during this week - progress in some areas, regression in other. Huge amount of energy expended. Net gain: 1
I wise person would celebrate this as progress.
But tonight I struggle with the "time" portion of the truth - love - time equation. I do not like that I measure my ability to shift behaviors and gain greater awareness, presence and capacity for love in terms of a huge number of steps that result in Net Gain: 1. My wounded soul says: "that is all you were able to accomplish with what you were given this week - only a net gain of 1!?! Look at all those backward steps - what were you thinking?!?"
How hard it is for me to believe that instead of words of condemnation, the universe rejoices and God holds my face in God's hands and says: "Look what you have done, my beloved. Net Gain: 1! You took one whole step! Well done!"
My heart hears the first voice (failure) while also hearing the second (well done)! I struggle to listen to the encouraging voice - but choose it despite my ambivalence. Each time I choose it, I hear it more clearly...and begin to see grace in one glorious step.
We have many competing inner voices, but not all the voices lead to health and wholeness. The ones we listen to, the ones we "feed" with our attention, are the ones we hear clearly - the ones that then help to set the pattern for our life.
Which voices do you feed - the failure/destructive voices, or the well done/nurturing voices? We do have the choice...
I will write again Sunday evening, as we begin the Holy Week journey.
Blessings,
Kim
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Solo Dios Basta
I seem to be living in and out of linear time right now. Although it is almost Thursday, tonight I am beginning to incorporate an experience I had Monday evening. After I had finished with the computer, I tidied up my papers, spent time with the Examen and then prepared to call it a night. While busy wrapping up the day, I heard it - clear as could be. That inner voice - God voice - wise voice - pay attention voice - speaking clearly in my heart, and saying something I wasn't expecting to hear.
An Epiphany of the most unexpected kind!
It has taken me 'till today to start processing it. I am beginning to sink into the reality that was opened to me - again the downward journey. Where will this realization take me?
I close tonight with a poem of Teresa of Avila, which is quoted in one of my favorite books by Gerald May, entitled The Dark Night of the Soul:
Let nothing disturb you;
Let nothing make you afraid;
All things pass;
But God is unchanging,
Patience
is enough for everything.
You who have God
lack nothing.
God alone is sufficient.
Solo Dios basta.
With love,
Kim
An Epiphany of the most unexpected kind!
It has taken me 'till today to start processing it. I am beginning to sink into the reality that was opened to me - again the downward journey. Where will this realization take me?
I close tonight with a poem of Teresa of Avila, which is quoted in one of my favorite books by Gerald May, entitled The Dark Night of the Soul:
Let nothing disturb you;
Let nothing make you afraid;
All things pass;
But God is unchanging,
Patience
is enough for everything.
You who have God
lack nothing.
God alone is sufficient.
Solo Dios basta.
With love,
Kim
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Thin Places
In the course of my ministry there are moments - painful moments - when I am able to see with my own eyes the capacity of the human heart to hold both unspeakable pain and grief as well as life-giving hope. Those experiences are deeply holy moments, and when I enter one, I want to remove my shoes because I'm standing on holy ground.
There is nothing stronger or more fragile than the human heart. And when the heart shatters into a million shards of emotional glass, it is the hand of God that holds the pieces together until they are whole again - of that I am sure!
New ministers that I've supervised over the years often asked how it was possible to journey with people as they face the tragedies of life without experiencing ministerial burn-out. You can't tell them that they will probably never sense a host of unseen angels filling a room during a committee meeting, nor will they probably sense the healing hand of God at work while working on the Annual Report. But in those moments when they are privileged to journey into the dark, pain-filled places of life, they will quickly discover that they've entered into a "thin place" where the ministering angels are almost visible, and one can feel God holding together the fragile, pain-filled beating hearts - even their own.
God stands in the agony with those who are suffering, and doesn't turn away. And I believe it is that courageous loving presence of God that helps the human heart to experience a glimmer of hope even when shattered by unbearable pain.
Could there be any greater miracle?
Humbled,
Kim
There is nothing stronger or more fragile than the human heart. And when the heart shatters into a million shards of emotional glass, it is the hand of God that holds the pieces together until they are whole again - of that I am sure!
New ministers that I've supervised over the years often asked how it was possible to journey with people as they face the tragedies of life without experiencing ministerial burn-out. You can't tell them that they will probably never sense a host of unseen angels filling a room during a committee meeting, nor will they probably sense the healing hand of God at work while working on the Annual Report. But in those moments when they are privileged to journey into the dark, pain-filled places of life, they will quickly discover that they've entered into a "thin place" where the ministering angels are almost visible, and one can feel God holding together the fragile, pain-filled beating hearts - even their own.
God stands in the agony with those who are suffering, and doesn't turn away. And I believe it is that courageous loving presence of God that helps the human heart to experience a glimmer of hope even when shattered by unbearable pain.
Could there be any greater miracle?
Humbled,
Kim
Monday, March 26, 2012
DESIRE
Desire. I have a short stack of books to read that all relate to the idea of finding God within our desires. This notion is not new in the realm of spirituality, but is certainly new to me.
Oh, I've heard the admonitions before: "Follow your bliss, and it will lead you to God." And everytime I heard that, I would think, "yea, sure - tell me another one."
Ouch! That was cynical...but true. I can locate God in "follow your duty," or "follow what is expected of you," or "follow the rules" or "follow tradition," even "follow what you have to do to meet the needs of others," but follow your bliss? Find God in your desires? It sounds almost hedonistic, and certainly self-centered. And wrong.
But then, slowing down sounded wrong, too, and I'm learning that what sounds wrong to me may just mean that it sounds different - or unexpected - or contrary to what I've done in the past. Or invites change. Wrong is my default label, and it lives up to its name.
Desire. It is amazing to think that (perhaps) God can inspirit the deepest longings of our heart...our core desires...and that as we become aware of them, name them, and embrace them, we grow deeper into our awareness of God.
It raises some interesting questions. What are my deep desires - the longings of my heart? Not the superficial stuff (like an earth box to grow herbs in or a peace treaty with the quails who have taken over the backyard so I can sit outside sometimes) but the things that to even name leave us feeling vulnerable and exposed - the real foundational desires. Can I find them, and name them - can I even say them out loud and offer them to God? Can I embrace them and celebrate them, and pursue them?
Can you?
Hmmmmm......
Kim
Oh, I've heard the admonitions before: "Follow your bliss, and it will lead you to God." And everytime I heard that, I would think, "yea, sure - tell me another one."
Ouch! That was cynical...but true. I can locate God in "follow your duty," or "follow what is expected of you," or "follow the rules" or "follow tradition," even "follow what you have to do to meet the needs of others," but follow your bliss? Find God in your desires? It sounds almost hedonistic, and certainly self-centered. And wrong.
But then, slowing down sounded wrong, too, and I'm learning that what sounds wrong to me may just mean that it sounds different - or unexpected - or contrary to what I've done in the past. Or invites change. Wrong is my default label, and it lives up to its name.
Desire. It is amazing to think that (perhaps) God can inspirit the deepest longings of our heart...our core desires...and that as we become aware of them, name them, and embrace them, we grow deeper into our awareness of God.
It raises some interesting questions. What are my deep desires - the longings of my heart? Not the superficial stuff (like an earth box to grow herbs in or a peace treaty with the quails who have taken over the backyard so I can sit outside sometimes) but the things that to even name leave us feeling vulnerable and exposed - the real foundational desires. Can I find them, and name them - can I even say them out loud and offer them to God? Can I embrace them and celebrate them, and pursue them?
Can you?
Hmmmmm......
Kim
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Moving at the Speed of Rock on the White Knuckle Change Express
I am listening to the sound of the rain on the roof. It isn't a heavy rain that pounds on the roof and leaves you wondering if it will pour into the house and assist with the spring cleaning. It is a "just enough" rain so that the soothing, cleansing sound can be heard over the clicking of the keypad. I watched amazing cloud formations today - the precursors of this storm. I am fascinated by clouds (always have been). I watch them form and move and change with such a fluid grace - adapting and responding and then continuing on their merry cloud way.
If only I could be more like the clouds (in the graceful, adapting and responding way)! Again today I knew I had hit my limit after I had passed it by five miles. I sat at my desk and realized that I didn't have any energy left to get to my car and drive home (ooops). So I sat and watched the tree and the clouds, and then went down to my car and sat for awhile, watching more clouds and the odd squirrel who was busy enjoying the gifts of spring. Then home to rest, but frustrated by the experience! Time to take the speed down another notch - but what operates at the speed between turtle and rock? Augh!
Changes - adjustments - fine tuning - disappointment - adjustment - more fine tuning - more disappointment - adjustment - glimmer of hope - deep breath - adjustment - miscue - changes - more adjustments - looking for the glimmer of hope - having faith that the hope will come - breathing deeply - resting in faith...
There are times in life when all one can do is keep riding the wave of change, while holding on for dear life!
It isn't the most enjoyable ride in the park, but it has unexpected perks. When I remember to stay focused on observing God's movement on this ride, I am not disappointed. God continues to bring grace into my life in the most unexpected ways - the kindness of people, a squirrel ballet, the subtle shift of colors in the sky, enough energy to get from my desk to my car (and that miracle was right up there with the parting of the Red Sea), and the willingness to stay with this phase of the journey to see where it leads.
I would like to tell you that you will never find yourself on this particular ride, but a lie is not right speech. Life has these times, and thank goodness they are not forever. When you find yourself on the "White Knuckle Change Express" hanging on for dear life, look for God in the midst of the experience. You will not be disappointed.
What then is the speed of rock? Well, I guess it depends on what kind of rock we're discussing. The ancient rock along the fault line that runs near Borah Peak moves very slowly - but is moving nonetheless. Sand on a beach at the coast travels much more quickly. It is swept into the water and then sun bathes on the beach. Sometime it plays with the children, provides a home for all manner of life, and molds itself to its environment. Sand is very active rock - experienced rock - wise rock, possessing a perspective that the wise old grandparents making up the mountains of the West do not share. Two different kinds of wisdom - both possessing great value. And sometimes (but not always) the sand can remember when it made its journey from the mountains to the sea, from slow time to dancing in the water to living at the junction of land and sea.
Tonight my mind will dance like sand, while my body moves slowly like the ancient rocks in Custer County. This time will not not last forever, and perhaps I will gain some wisdom and new perspective through this experience - that is the beauty and blessing of change.
Blessings,
Kim
If only I could be more like the clouds (in the graceful, adapting and responding way)! Again today I knew I had hit my limit after I had passed it by five miles. I sat at my desk and realized that I didn't have any energy left to get to my car and drive home (ooops). So I sat and watched the tree and the clouds, and then went down to my car and sat for awhile, watching more clouds and the odd squirrel who was busy enjoying the gifts of spring. Then home to rest, but frustrated by the experience! Time to take the speed down another notch - but what operates at the speed between turtle and rock? Augh!
Changes - adjustments - fine tuning - disappointment - adjustment - more fine tuning - more disappointment - adjustment - glimmer of hope - deep breath - adjustment - miscue - changes - more adjustments - looking for the glimmer of hope - having faith that the hope will come - breathing deeply - resting in faith...
There are times in life when all one can do is keep riding the wave of change, while holding on for dear life!
It isn't the most enjoyable ride in the park, but it has unexpected perks. When I remember to stay focused on observing God's movement on this ride, I am not disappointed. God continues to bring grace into my life in the most unexpected ways - the kindness of people, a squirrel ballet, the subtle shift of colors in the sky, enough energy to get from my desk to my car (and that miracle was right up there with the parting of the Red Sea), and the willingness to stay with this phase of the journey to see where it leads.
I would like to tell you that you will never find yourself on this particular ride, but a lie is not right speech. Life has these times, and thank goodness they are not forever. When you find yourself on the "White Knuckle Change Express" hanging on for dear life, look for God in the midst of the experience. You will not be disappointed.
What then is the speed of rock? Well, I guess it depends on what kind of rock we're discussing. The ancient rock along the fault line that runs near Borah Peak moves very slowly - but is moving nonetheless. Sand on a beach at the coast travels much more quickly. It is swept into the water and then sun bathes on the beach. Sometime it plays with the children, provides a home for all manner of life, and molds itself to its environment. Sand is very active rock - experienced rock - wise rock, possessing a perspective that the wise old grandparents making up the mountains of the West do not share. Two different kinds of wisdom - both possessing great value. And sometimes (but not always) the sand can remember when it made its journey from the mountains to the sea, from slow time to dancing in the water to living at the junction of land and sea.
Tonight my mind will dance like sand, while my body moves slowly like the ancient rocks in Custer County. This time will not not last forever, and perhaps I will gain some wisdom and new perspective through this experience - that is the beauty and blessing of change.
Blessings,
Kim
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Can you feel it?
What a beautiful day to sit outside and watch the hawks soar in their circle dance. It was a magnificent experience, as was the weather. It is hard to have a care on a day like today. I feel myself slowing down - even though my schedule screeched to a halt days ago, it has taken me a while to catch up and stop - almost. I'm not yet completely stopped, but I have definitely slowed down...enough to see the hawks in their sacred dance and an unnamed smallest bird hoping from branch to branch (again and again) in a tall pine tree. I noticed new life on the rose bushes, and new weeds in the garden. My breath is a little bit deeper, and naps come quite easily to me after a little while of activity. I've stopped fighting all these things - perhaps that is why I am slowing down. Finally.
William McNamara, OCD, one of my favorite modern Christian mystics, has long written about the importance of "holy leisure" in the development of the soul. In Wild and Robust, he compares and contrasts a life focused on the Protestant Work Ethic of work, work, and more good work with the expansiveness and creativity that can be achieved when one "wastes time" luxuriating in God's presence - in contemplative awareness. I admit that in the past when I've read the many references McNamara makes to Holy Leisure, I usually skimmed over them and looked for more interesting information. You'd think by now I'd learn that what I choose to skip over usually is my best teacher. And so today I relaxed into the soaring of the hawks - and of God embodied in creation. Instead of making my prayer time a series of petitions offered in the most proper of formats, my prayer today was wordless, and would have been soundless except for a deep sigh as I relaxed back into the soaring wings of God.
Holy leisure - do you allow yourself to relax - to play - to pray wordlessly in God's presence? Or are you always busy attempting many things - many good things? Are you carrying the ever-present Realm of God on your shoulders, or allowing it to sweep you up in its dance? It is a little scary to think about letting go of how we've always done things, but just look at the beauty of this freedom dance...can you feel the music?
I will write again Sunday evening after I spend a bit more time resting with God (and returning to work on Sunday). In the meantime -
Let yourself feel the music, if only for a moment, and be free...
Sigh,
Kim
William McNamara, OCD, one of my favorite modern Christian mystics, has long written about the importance of "holy leisure" in the development of the soul. In Wild and Robust, he compares and contrasts a life focused on the Protestant Work Ethic of work, work, and more good work with the expansiveness and creativity that can be achieved when one "wastes time" luxuriating in God's presence - in contemplative awareness. I admit that in the past when I've read the many references McNamara makes to Holy Leisure, I usually skimmed over them and looked for more interesting information. You'd think by now I'd learn that what I choose to skip over usually is my best teacher. And so today I relaxed into the soaring of the hawks - and of God embodied in creation. Instead of making my prayer time a series of petitions offered in the most proper of formats, my prayer today was wordless, and would have been soundless except for a deep sigh as I relaxed back into the soaring wings of God.
Holy leisure - do you allow yourself to relax - to play - to pray wordlessly in God's presence? Or are you always busy attempting many things - many good things? Are you carrying the ever-present Realm of God on your shoulders, or allowing it to sweep you up in its dance? It is a little scary to think about letting go of how we've always done things, but just look at the beauty of this freedom dance...can you feel the music?
I will write again Sunday evening after I spend a bit more time resting with God (and returning to work on Sunday). In the meantime -
Let yourself feel the music, if only for a moment, and be free...
Sigh,
Kim
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Spiritual Aspirin
It seems that aspirin, the simple medicine that people first extracted from willow bark, has a new and exciting application. Not only does it reduce fevers, inflammation and help with cardiac issues, but now it may also help to prevent certain types of cancer. That is quite a lot of hope and healing packed into one, simple tablet!
In the spiritual life there is an equally simple medicine that helps bring about healing, change and transformation: The formula Truth - Love - Time (or truth - grace - time, as Henry Cloud articulates it in his work on boundaries and change). This is a simple medicine that brings about profound results, but only when all three elements are included in the process. If you try to skip, ignore, or short-change one of the three, the healing process gets stuck. That applies to inner/self healing, and healing relationships (with other people or with God).
Throughout my life, especially during times of transition and transformation, I find myself coming back to this formula - and noticing which one of the three areas I want to shortcut. Sometimes it is truth - there are times when I prefer to ignore or deny the truth that is before me. Other times it is love/grace - easier to extend to others than to myself. Often it is time - I want things to happen/resolve/transform NOW - or yesterday. But all three are necessary ingredients of any healthy healing, change, or transformation.
I invite you think about this multi-purpose soul aspirin of truth-love(grace)-time and apply it to the areas in your life that invite healing, change and transformation. Do you feel resistance in one of the three areas? What is it like to sit with that resistance, and then to move closer to embracing this trinity of healing?
Good medicine, indeed!
Blessings,
Kim
In the spiritual life there is an equally simple medicine that helps bring about healing, change and transformation: The formula Truth - Love - Time (or truth - grace - time, as Henry Cloud articulates it in his work on boundaries and change). This is a simple medicine that brings about profound results, but only when all three elements are included in the process. If you try to skip, ignore, or short-change one of the three, the healing process gets stuck. That applies to inner/self healing, and healing relationships (with other people or with God).
Throughout my life, especially during times of transition and transformation, I find myself coming back to this formula - and noticing which one of the three areas I want to shortcut. Sometimes it is truth - there are times when I prefer to ignore or deny the truth that is before me. Other times it is love/grace - easier to extend to others than to myself. Often it is time - I want things to happen/resolve/transform NOW - or yesterday. But all three are necessary ingredients of any healthy healing, change, or transformation.
I invite you think about this multi-purpose soul aspirin of truth-love(grace)-time and apply it to the areas in your life that invite healing, change and transformation. Do you feel resistance in one of the three areas? What is it like to sit with that resistance, and then to move closer to embracing this trinity of healing?
Good medicine, indeed!
Blessings,
Kim
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Perfect Match
Today was filled with small miracles. I watched the first snowstorm of spring move through the Treasure Valley - I hardly ever take time to watch the snow, but today there was both time and falling snow, so it made for a perfect match. And since it is Boise, the snow melted by late afternoon, and my bird friends came out to feed (sans Hawk strikes) creating a peaceful day in the garden. Tonight I heard from a dear friend who I hadn't heard from in years. What a gift!
Day two of rest hasn't quite been as much rest as is needed, but I'm finding my way, and feeling less resistant. The slower pace allows questions to slowly rise to the surface - questions that are worthy of consideration and answers. Perhaps being busy is a good defense to keep the questions at bay. Another perfect match - I have the time, and here come the questions.
What questions are resting just beneath the surface in your life? When you allow yourself to be still, do they fully emerge and invite your attention? Can you accept their invitation and sit with them? You may be surprised at what great teachers these questions can be.
Listening,
Kim
Day two of rest hasn't quite been as much rest as is needed, but I'm finding my way, and feeling less resistant. The slower pace allows questions to slowly rise to the surface - questions that are worthy of consideration and answers. Perhaps being busy is a good defense to keep the questions at bay. Another perfect match - I have the time, and here come the questions.
What questions are resting just beneath the surface in your life? When you allow yourself to be still, do they fully emerge and invite your attention? Can you accept their invitation and sit with them? You may be surprised at what great teachers these questions can be.
Listening,
Kim
Monday, March 19, 2012
The other side of the story...
There is always a danger in romanticising nature...yes, the Mourning Doves are very mellow and share - yes they have a soothing call. But a quick look around the backyard this morning reminded me that whenever there is a hawk strike, a pile of Mourning Dove feathers is soon to follow. The red-winged jazz band always gets away - ditto for everyone except the doves. Mellow and laid back may not have as many survival advantages as we were led to believe...
...and yes, I'm having a bit of trouble adjusting to "down-time." My brain is ready to keep going; my body, however, is very grateful for the rest, and for the chance to slow down to the speed of sound. I am starting to unwind, and am thankful for some time to just be, and not have to "tough it out or power through."
As I settle into this time of rest and solitude, I find myself reflecting on these words by Henri J.M Nouwen. May you find them helpful as you continue your Lenten Journey:
"Solitude is the furnace of transformation. Without solitude we remain victims of our society and continue to be entangled in the illusions of the false self. Jesus himself entered into this furnace. There he was tempted with the three compulsions of the world: to be relevant (turn stones into loaves), to be spectacular (throw yourself down), and to be powerful (I will give you all these kingdoms). There he affirmed God as the only source of his identity (You must worship the Lord your God and serve him alone). Solitude is the place of the great struggle and the great encounter - the struggle against the compulsions of the false self and the encounter with the loving God who offers himself as the substance of the new self." - Henri J.M Nouwen, Show Me the Way, p 103.
May God bless us as we continue this journey -
Kim
...and yes, I'm having a bit of trouble adjusting to "down-time." My brain is ready to keep going; my body, however, is very grateful for the rest, and for the chance to slow down to the speed of sound. I am starting to unwind, and am thankful for some time to just be, and not have to "tough it out or power through."
As I settle into this time of rest and solitude, I find myself reflecting on these words by Henri J.M Nouwen. May you find them helpful as you continue your Lenten Journey:
"Solitude is the furnace of transformation. Without solitude we remain victims of our society and continue to be entangled in the illusions of the false self. Jesus himself entered into this furnace. There he was tempted with the three compulsions of the world: to be relevant (turn stones into loaves), to be spectacular (throw yourself down), and to be powerful (I will give you all these kingdoms). There he affirmed God as the only source of his identity (You must worship the Lord your God and serve him alone). Solitude is the place of the great struggle and the great encounter - the struggle against the compulsions of the false self and the encounter with the loving God who offers himself as the substance of the new self." - Henri J.M Nouwen, Show Me the Way, p 103.
May God bless us as we continue this journey -
Kim
Sunday, March 18, 2012
The Zen of Mourning Doves
Today was pulpit exchange Sunday, and I spent the morning with the lovely congregation of Wright UCC. They provided warm and welcoming hospitality, and I was able to greet them and be with them on behalf of their sister congregation across town. It is always fun visiting another church and seeing the unique ways they live their faith. One congregant commented on how different our two communities are. Perhaps, but I still think that what we share is greater than our differences - but our differences keep things interesting. Who would want only one flavor of ice cream - the difference possibilities keep things fun.
Sallie McFague spends much time talking about the importance of valuing those differences in her book Body of God. Homogenization may be helpful for milk, but I don't think it serves faith communities well. Let the differences be respected and celebrated instead of watered down to find the common denominator. I think we can cherish the areas in which we are alike, while equally celebrating our differences. We can still live into the UCC motto "that they may all be one" by finding our unity - our "oneness" - in God and not in an attempt to remake each other in our own image.
I've come to appreciate differences all the more as I watch them expressed at the bird feeders. Part of my experiment with resting and "destressing" involves taking a greater interest in my bird friends - since they (mostly) bring a calming presence into my life. The quails spend most of the day under the deck, and make forays over to the feeders - sometimes they race across the lawn, and other times they scoot over to the fence and slowly make their way along the fence to the feeders - stopping to munch around the rose bushes. They stay together in a group, and feed with the many mourning doves who now call the yard their home. The doves line the fences, looking like plump little puff balls carefully spaced along the fence. They fill the trees, looking like odd Christmas ornaments. They cover the ground with this off-white-pewter-gray moving carpet. The sparrows and finches flock in and hit the feeders en mass. And all is well until my red-winged troubadours swoop in and scatter all the birds - except for the Zen Mourning Doves. They look up, sigh, and just keep on keeping on. They are the mellowest birds I've ever seen. Even an invasion of starlings doesn't phase them. In fact, it takes the high speed descent of a sparrow hawk to even get their attention. But as soon as the threat has passed, they are back, cooing and preening and sunning themselves (and eating tons of dove and quail seed) and just enjoying themselves. Relaxing. Being very cool.
They are my role model for the next six days of rest. Yes, the red winged ensemble is far more entertaining - they fly in at speed scattering everything in their wake and make the most amazing music - but then they are gone in a whoosh. The Zen Doves, however, remain, cooing a soothing tune and keeping their blood pressure ever so mellow. They will be my companions during this experiment in rest and healing.
What helps you to rest and unwind? What brings healing and peace into your life? How often do you experience this - how often do you allow yourself to sink deeply into rest and renewal?
The experiment begins tomorrow. Zen Doves, here I come!
With trepidation,
Kim
Sallie McFague spends much time talking about the importance of valuing those differences in her book Body of God. Homogenization may be helpful for milk, but I don't think it serves faith communities well. Let the differences be respected and celebrated instead of watered down to find the common denominator. I think we can cherish the areas in which we are alike, while equally celebrating our differences. We can still live into the UCC motto "that they may all be one" by finding our unity - our "oneness" - in God and not in an attempt to remake each other in our own image.
I've come to appreciate differences all the more as I watch them expressed at the bird feeders. Part of my experiment with resting and "destressing" involves taking a greater interest in my bird friends - since they (mostly) bring a calming presence into my life. The quails spend most of the day under the deck, and make forays over to the feeders - sometimes they race across the lawn, and other times they scoot over to the fence and slowly make their way along the fence to the feeders - stopping to munch around the rose bushes. They stay together in a group, and feed with the many mourning doves who now call the yard their home. The doves line the fences, looking like plump little puff balls carefully spaced along the fence. They fill the trees, looking like odd Christmas ornaments. They cover the ground with this off-white-pewter-gray moving carpet. The sparrows and finches flock in and hit the feeders en mass. And all is well until my red-winged troubadours swoop in and scatter all the birds - except for the Zen Mourning Doves. They look up, sigh, and just keep on keeping on. They are the mellowest birds I've ever seen. Even an invasion of starlings doesn't phase them. In fact, it takes the high speed descent of a sparrow hawk to even get their attention. But as soon as the threat has passed, they are back, cooing and preening and sunning themselves (and eating tons of dove and quail seed) and just enjoying themselves. Relaxing. Being very cool.
They are my role model for the next six days of rest. Yes, the red winged ensemble is far more entertaining - they fly in at speed scattering everything in their wake and make the most amazing music - but then they are gone in a whoosh. The Zen Doves, however, remain, cooing a soothing tune and keeping their blood pressure ever so mellow. They will be my companions during this experiment in rest and healing.
What helps you to rest and unwind? What brings healing and peace into your life? How often do you experience this - how often do you allow yourself to sink deeply into rest and renewal?
The experiment begins tomorrow. Zen Doves, here I come!
With trepidation,
Kim
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Romans Groundhog Day and the Flying Monkeys
Sigh. I ran out of energy at about 4 pm this afternoon, and continued working until 8 pm. When you sit at your desk and have a conversation with yourself about how nice it would be for flying monkeys to come and help you to get to your car, you know you have crossed a line...
...and that's the trouble - I haven't learned how to sense the line before I cross it. It isn't until after it is a mile and a half behind me that I know I'm well on my way to the flying monkey conversation. I seem to be living in a Groundhog Day of Romans 7:15 (the Sinatra passage) loosely translated as: I don't do what I do want to do, and what I do do is what I don't want to do - do be do be do.
I say: "I don't want to cross the line. I won't cross the line. Where did the line go? What - its a mile back - how did that happen? (do be do be do)." I do this again and again and again (be do be do).
I want to learn to see the line coming my way, so I can choose to stop. Or choose to keep going. I want to have a choice about what I do, or don't do. Choice brings freedom.
Most wisdom traditions say (or imply) that choice comes through awareness, and awareness comes through attention. And attention begins with choice - and we've come full circle.
I've agreed to take some medical leave in order to get some rest and see if rest helps reduce chronic stress which helps to heal a tired, sore, ill-beating heart. I will preach on Sunday at Wright UCC, in a pulpit exchange I've been anticipating, but after that, I will rest until the following Sunday. I will resume writing this blog this Sunday night after observing Sabbath, and will happily share with you what I learn about rest and stress reduction as I pursue this experiment.
Part of me wonders if, by day three of this time of rest, I will resemble someone coming off crack - I've gone on vacation and gotten rest, and I've gone on retreat and rested, but I've never rested to rest - no agenda except healing and rest. I have no idea what this will be like (breaking out in a cold sweat as I think about it).
Perhaps you, too, find yourself living this passage from Romans - doing what you don't want to do, and not doing what you want to do - again and again and again (be do). Perhaps you feel as though you are in a rut, and keep ending up in the same place. It has become cliche to say that if you want change, you have to stop doing the same thing over and over again that brings about predictable results. Instead, change it up - change something in the equation - shake it up a bit! I know how to work and "power through," but I don't know how to rest. So I will try something new, and see if altering the equation leads to a different outcome.
What new behavior will you try in order to break the cycle of your Romans Groundhog Day?
I'll see you again Sunday night.
Putting the flying monkeys to bed,
Kim
...and that's the trouble - I haven't learned how to sense the line before I cross it. It isn't until after it is a mile and a half behind me that I know I'm well on my way to the flying monkey conversation. I seem to be living in a Groundhog Day of Romans 7:15 (the Sinatra passage) loosely translated as: I don't do what I do want to do, and what I do do is what I don't want to do - do be do be do.
I say: "I don't want to cross the line. I won't cross the line. Where did the line go? What - its a mile back - how did that happen? (do be do be do)." I do this again and again and again (be do be do).
I want to learn to see the line coming my way, so I can choose to stop. Or choose to keep going. I want to have a choice about what I do, or don't do. Choice brings freedom.
Most wisdom traditions say (or imply) that choice comes through awareness, and awareness comes through attention. And attention begins with choice - and we've come full circle.
I've agreed to take some medical leave in order to get some rest and see if rest helps reduce chronic stress which helps to heal a tired, sore, ill-beating heart. I will preach on Sunday at Wright UCC, in a pulpit exchange I've been anticipating, but after that, I will rest until the following Sunday. I will resume writing this blog this Sunday night after observing Sabbath, and will happily share with you what I learn about rest and stress reduction as I pursue this experiment.
Part of me wonders if, by day three of this time of rest, I will resemble someone coming off crack - I've gone on vacation and gotten rest, and I've gone on retreat and rested, but I've never rested to rest - no agenda except healing and rest. I have no idea what this will be like (breaking out in a cold sweat as I think about it).
Perhaps you, too, find yourself living this passage from Romans - doing what you don't want to do, and not doing what you want to do - again and again and again (be do). Perhaps you feel as though you are in a rut, and keep ending up in the same place. It has become cliche to say that if you want change, you have to stop doing the same thing over and over again that brings about predictable results. Instead, change it up - change something in the equation - shake it up a bit! I know how to work and "power through," but I don't know how to rest. So I will try something new, and see if altering the equation leads to a different outcome.
What new behavior will you try in order to break the cycle of your Romans Groundhog Day?
I'll see you again Sunday night.
Putting the flying monkeys to bed,
Kim
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Sand and Glass
The desert time of Lent provides both a mirror and a lens - a mirror to see ourselves more clearly, and a lens through which we can see the world around us with crisp clarity. Lent invites us to hold up that mirror and take a long hard look without averting our eyes or distracting our mind. At first clear seeing may not seem like much of a gift, but it is the only path to freedom. Ditto with the lens - we miss so much of what is going on around us because we see our world dimly, and sometimes not at all.
When you hold up the mirror, what do you see? When you gaze through the lens, what is around you? What do these miracles of glass teach you about yourself and your world? And what then will you do with this knowledge?
Desert - by Ruth Burgess
The desert waits
ready for those who come,
who come obedient to the Spirit's leading;
or who are driven,
because they will not come any other way.
The desert always waits,
ready to let us know who we are -
the place of self-discovery.
And whilst we fear, and rightly,
the loneliness and emptiness and harshness,
we forget the angels,
whom we cannot see for our blindness,
but who come when God decides
that we need their help;
when we are ready
for what they give us.
Lent is a mirror through which we view our spiritual life reflected in the glass made from the sand of the Lenten desert. It gives us a holy, precious view - if only we will look...
With love,
Kim
When you hold up the mirror, what do you see? When you gaze through the lens, what is around you? What do these miracles of glass teach you about yourself and your world? And what then will you do with this knowledge?
Desert - by Ruth Burgess
The desert waits
ready for those who come,
who come obedient to the Spirit's leading;
or who are driven,
because they will not come any other way.
The desert always waits,
ready to let us know who we are -
the place of self-discovery.
And whilst we fear, and rightly,
the loneliness and emptiness and harshness,
we forget the angels,
whom we cannot see for our blindness,
but who come when God decides
that we need their help;
when we are ready
for what they give us.
Lent is a mirror through which we view our spiritual life reflected in the glass made from the sand of the Lenten desert. It gives us a holy, precious view - if only we will look...
With love,
Kim
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
No need to bring marshmallows...
Tonight I'd like to give a "shout out" to all the angels who showed up for duty today, both in person and via many forms of communication.
When a dear angel begins the motivational talk with "we've been through worse than this," you know you're not standing in the rose garden anymore. And she is right - things have been worse than this. Then she rolled up her sleeves, and got to work - as did the angel who was sitting at the desk trying to make sense of our computer system, and the angel on her cell phone trying to create a web of volunteer support. Several more angels worked the emails and sorted through the next logical step to address our latest test of the chaos theory - putting each piece in place. When I least expected it, another angel who is not even related to our congregation, got word of our dilemma and called to offer assistance.
Whenever I hear the rush of angels' wings, I know a miracle is afoot. But the miracle I experienced today wasn't the gathering of the angels - although that was a vision of great beauty! This miracle is very personal - and one that has probably cost some heavenly host a bit of pocket change (if they bet on me to respond to this work crisis de jour in my usual way). As our motivational/hard working angel was quick to point out, things have been worse before - and we have been in a similar situation before. The last time this happened (half a year ago), I decided to carry the chaos on my shoulders and worked myself into the ground in the process. And the worst part is - I don't think all that effort was efficient or effective, and was personally very costly. This time, the beeping of my friendly heart monitor reminded me that I cannot bench-press this situation. I need to allow others to do the heavy lifting (ouch - it even hurts to write that)!
So here is the miracle - not only did I decide to not carry and control the chaos, I've also agreed to do something I should have done two weeks ago: Take some sick leave and rest, even in the presence of chaos. I will work through Sunday (change is incremental), and rest through the following Saturday. I made this decision before going into work today, and when I arrived, the angels were already on duty, slowly ordering the chaos, and doing holy work. It was a beautiful sight, and one that I will savor for some time to come.
...so the heavenly host that bet I would approach this crisis as I ALWAYS do - in my signature self-destructive style - will have to forgo the smell of burning martyr. There will be no crash and burn this time, so the marshmallows can be left home.
My heart is filled with awe and gratitude. I am thankful to everyone who stepped up and was willing work to turn chaos into creativity. I am thankful to all those who walk with me on my journey and hold the belief that transformation is possible - even when I cannot believe it for myself. I am thankful for my heart monitor (previously referred to in most unflattering ways) that has helped me to make a different choice at a time when the temptation would be overwhelming to do things the known way. And I am most thankful to my spiritual director, who reframed said heart monitor for me - just in the nick of time! She suggested that every time it beeps I should hear it saying "I love you - take care of yourself" (quite the reframe)! Mostly I am grateful to God, for not giving up on me, and providing the grace that makes transformation possible.
I share this as a word of hope and encouragement for anyone who is moving towards personal change and transformation, and finds the road difficult (or damn near impossible). I stepped into change today, and a host of angels rushed in to take care of business. Change happened in my life today - in the life of someone who has worn behavioral pattern "ruts" so deep that you could lose a small planet in them. Change is possible - I've experienced it and can testify to it. And if it can happen in my life, dear friend, it can happen in yours.
Can you see the change - the transformation - you long for in your life? What does it look like? How does it feel when you think about it? Talk about it with God - hold it in your heart. Believe...
Beep!
Kim
When a dear angel begins the motivational talk with "we've been through worse than this," you know you're not standing in the rose garden anymore. And she is right - things have been worse than this. Then she rolled up her sleeves, and got to work - as did the angel who was sitting at the desk trying to make sense of our computer system, and the angel on her cell phone trying to create a web of volunteer support. Several more angels worked the emails and sorted through the next logical step to address our latest test of the chaos theory - putting each piece in place. When I least expected it, another angel who is not even related to our congregation, got word of our dilemma and called to offer assistance.
Whenever I hear the rush of angels' wings, I know a miracle is afoot. But the miracle I experienced today wasn't the gathering of the angels - although that was a vision of great beauty! This miracle is very personal - and one that has probably cost some heavenly host a bit of pocket change (if they bet on me to respond to this work crisis de jour in my usual way). As our motivational/hard working angel was quick to point out, things have been worse before - and we have been in a similar situation before. The last time this happened (half a year ago), I decided to carry the chaos on my shoulders and worked myself into the ground in the process. And the worst part is - I don't think all that effort was efficient or effective, and was personally very costly. This time, the beeping of my friendly heart monitor reminded me that I cannot bench-press this situation. I need to allow others to do the heavy lifting (ouch - it even hurts to write that)!
So here is the miracle - not only did I decide to not carry and control the chaos, I've also agreed to do something I should have done two weeks ago: Take some sick leave and rest, even in the presence of chaos. I will work through Sunday (change is incremental), and rest through the following Saturday. I made this decision before going into work today, and when I arrived, the angels were already on duty, slowly ordering the chaos, and doing holy work. It was a beautiful sight, and one that I will savor for some time to come.
...so the heavenly host that bet I would approach this crisis as I ALWAYS do - in my signature self-destructive style - will have to forgo the smell of burning martyr. There will be no crash and burn this time, so the marshmallows can be left home.
My heart is filled with awe and gratitude. I am thankful to everyone who stepped up and was willing work to turn chaos into creativity. I am thankful to all those who walk with me on my journey and hold the belief that transformation is possible - even when I cannot believe it for myself. I am thankful for my heart monitor (previously referred to in most unflattering ways) that has helped me to make a different choice at a time when the temptation would be overwhelming to do things the known way. And I am most thankful to my spiritual director, who reframed said heart monitor for me - just in the nick of time! She suggested that every time it beeps I should hear it saying "I love you - take care of yourself" (quite the reframe)! Mostly I am grateful to God, for not giving up on me, and providing the grace that makes transformation possible.
I share this as a word of hope and encouragement for anyone who is moving towards personal change and transformation, and finds the road difficult (or damn near impossible). I stepped into change today, and a host of angels rushed in to take care of business. Change happened in my life today - in the life of someone who has worn behavioral pattern "ruts" so deep that you could lose a small planet in them. Change is possible - I've experienced it and can testify to it. And if it can happen in my life, dear friend, it can happen in yours.
Can you see the change - the transformation - you long for in your life? What does it look like? How does it feel when you think about it? Talk about it with God - hold it in your heart. Believe...
Beep!
Kim
Monday, March 12, 2012
Recess, please!
It has been an extremely challenging day - on all fronts. Bill had to get my crutches out of the car so I could get around the house, and my heart monitor has gone off so many times this evening that it will need a new battery before morning (I am now willing to concede that there is a connection between the frequency of heart arrhythmias and stress). New drama exploded on the work front, and I am feeling very, very tired.
There is a white pillowcase on top of the pile of laundry waiting to be folded. I thought of waving it in the air like a combination of a Tibetan prayer flag and a flag of surrender - just to let God know that I had had enough STUFF for one day, thank you very much.
But God didn't cause my knee to pack in, nor is God short-circuiting my heart - or testing the chaos theory at work. Instead, God has lovingly reached out to me in a variety of beautiful ways today. Encouraging emails from friends...a wonderful conversation with my spiritual director that was like a balm to my hurting heart...regular serenades by my bird friends, who have taken to letting me sing with them (my neighbors probably think I'm barking mad, but some mornings, when the red-winged troubadours are in full song, I slip out onto the deck, sit in the rocking chair, and quietly start singing my favorite prayer song: "A song arises out of the earth; A singing, a welcome, a joyfulness.)" Singing together is such a trip!
All of this is to say that by many indicators it has been a perfectly dreadful day, and yet there have also been blessings and moments of grace.
It is never all bad (just as it is never all good). Life is always a mixture of both, even when the scale seems tipped in one direction.
What kind of day did you have today? Can you name both the good and the bad - the blessings and the challenges? Can you offer thanks for what they taught you? (Like me, do you ever long for a day without lessons)? Roll on recess - I'd love for school to be "out" for awhile.
Still smiling,
Kim
There is a white pillowcase on top of the pile of laundry waiting to be folded. I thought of waving it in the air like a combination of a Tibetan prayer flag and a flag of surrender - just to let God know that I had had enough STUFF for one day, thank you very much.
But God didn't cause my knee to pack in, nor is God short-circuiting my heart - or testing the chaos theory at work. Instead, God has lovingly reached out to me in a variety of beautiful ways today. Encouraging emails from friends...a wonderful conversation with my spiritual director that was like a balm to my hurting heart...regular serenades by my bird friends, who have taken to letting me sing with them (my neighbors probably think I'm barking mad, but some mornings, when the red-winged troubadours are in full song, I slip out onto the deck, sit in the rocking chair, and quietly start singing my favorite prayer song: "A song arises out of the earth; A singing, a welcome, a joyfulness.)" Singing together is such a trip!
All of this is to say that by many indicators it has been a perfectly dreadful day, and yet there have also been blessings and moments of grace.
It is never all bad (just as it is never all good). Life is always a mixture of both, even when the scale seems tipped in one direction.
What kind of day did you have today? Can you name both the good and the bad - the blessings and the challenges? Can you offer thanks for what they taught you? (Like me, do you ever long for a day without lessons)? Roll on recess - I'd love for school to be "out" for awhile.
Still smiling,
Kim
Sunday, March 11, 2012
"...all blessings great and small..."
The last time I wrote an academic paper was in the '80's. We used "parenthetical citation" back then - following APA guidelines. Now I'm trying to learn the Chicago Style via my son's doctoral dissertation. David is a great writer, and I find myself looking at his footnotes and bibliography to see how things are done in 2012. Times have indeed changed! Thank goodness our children continue to teach us valuable lessons, long after they are grown up!
This is paper one of two due before May, and is partly theological in nature - pushing me to articulate in as few words as possible my current understand of God. I thought of using the word "mystery" and leaving it at that, but I suspect that might be taking "lucid brevity" to the extreme. Since I worked all day on Saturday, I will stay home tomorrow and write. Preparing for this has kept me reading (and reading) - both new and old texts. I found myself reaching for Letty Russell's book on partnership with God the other day, but I can't find it on my shelf. Sally McFague and Paul Evdokimov have been at the top of my pile of books - Evdokimov is often overlooked, but has some fascinating observations about the spiritual life, especially "interiorized monasticism." One of his quotes on the spiritual life has become one of my favorite Lenten reflections:
"In present conditions, under the burden of overwork and stress, our sensibility is changing. Medical treatment protects and prolongs life, but at the same time it lowers resistance to suffering and privations. Christian asceticism is only a method in the service of life, and it will seek to adapt itself to the new needs. In the desert of the Thebaid, extreme fasts and constraints were imposed. Today, the combat is not the same. We no longer need added pain. Hair shirts, chains and flagellation would risk uselessly breaking us. Today mortification would be liberation from every kind of addiction - speed, noise, alcohol, and all kinds of stimulants. Asceticism would be necessary rest, the discipline of regular periods of calm and silence, when one could regain the ability to stop for prayer and contemplation, even in the heart of all the noise of the world, and above all then to listen to the presence of others. Fasting, instead of doing violence to the flesh, could be our renunciation of the superfluous, our sharing with the poor and a joyful balance in all things." Evdokimov, Ages of the Spiritual Live, p 64.
Before I fell asleep last night I pondered a vocational issue that had me feeling quite blue. As I sat quietly with that issue and shared my feelings with God, I heard a very quiet "reframe" of the situation in my heart that was so profound that I quickly wrote it down on a note card and put it on my nightstand - lest I forget it. When I awoke this morning, the note card with the timely words of wisdom was still there, waiting to help me move through my day. Moving through my day was a challenge, because I couldn't bear any weight on my right knee - it has been almost a year since the knee was this bad! I wanted to get back into bed and just give up, yet I felt a quiet strength sustaining me - one painful step at a time (thank you crutches - you saved the day). And I did indeed get through the day, completing the work that needed to be done. By late afternooon I was in the recliner with my knee packed in ice, thankful that God's grace was sufficient for the day.
Perhaps I need to find a way to add to "mystery" that God is the one whose strength is sufficient for each day, and who whispers truths that are well worth writing down. Not the prose of Tillich or McFague; just the gospel of Kim.
And believe me, this is good news indeed.
If you were righting your gospel - your good news - what would you say? How would you describe your experience of God? What is the good news of your relationship with God?
Offering thanks for blessings great (strength and wisdom) and small (crutches and ice packs),
Kim
This is paper one of two due before May, and is partly theological in nature - pushing me to articulate in as few words as possible my current understand of God. I thought of using the word "mystery" and leaving it at that, but I suspect that might be taking "lucid brevity" to the extreme. Since I worked all day on Saturday, I will stay home tomorrow and write. Preparing for this has kept me reading (and reading) - both new and old texts. I found myself reaching for Letty Russell's book on partnership with God the other day, but I can't find it on my shelf. Sally McFague and Paul Evdokimov have been at the top of my pile of books - Evdokimov is often overlooked, but has some fascinating observations about the spiritual life, especially "interiorized monasticism." One of his quotes on the spiritual life has become one of my favorite Lenten reflections:
"In present conditions, under the burden of overwork and stress, our sensibility is changing. Medical treatment protects and prolongs life, but at the same time it lowers resistance to suffering and privations. Christian asceticism is only a method in the service of life, and it will seek to adapt itself to the new needs. In the desert of the Thebaid, extreme fasts and constraints were imposed. Today, the combat is not the same. We no longer need added pain. Hair shirts, chains and flagellation would risk uselessly breaking us. Today mortification would be liberation from every kind of addiction - speed, noise, alcohol, and all kinds of stimulants. Asceticism would be necessary rest, the discipline of regular periods of calm and silence, when one could regain the ability to stop for prayer and contemplation, even in the heart of all the noise of the world, and above all then to listen to the presence of others. Fasting, instead of doing violence to the flesh, could be our renunciation of the superfluous, our sharing with the poor and a joyful balance in all things." Evdokimov, Ages of the Spiritual Live, p 64.
Before I fell asleep last night I pondered a vocational issue that had me feeling quite blue. As I sat quietly with that issue and shared my feelings with God, I heard a very quiet "reframe" of the situation in my heart that was so profound that I quickly wrote it down on a note card and put it on my nightstand - lest I forget it. When I awoke this morning, the note card with the timely words of wisdom was still there, waiting to help me move through my day. Moving through my day was a challenge, because I couldn't bear any weight on my right knee - it has been almost a year since the knee was this bad! I wanted to get back into bed and just give up, yet I felt a quiet strength sustaining me - one painful step at a time (thank you crutches - you saved the day). And I did indeed get through the day, completing the work that needed to be done. By late afternooon I was in the recliner with my knee packed in ice, thankful that God's grace was sufficient for the day.
Perhaps I need to find a way to add to "mystery" that God is the one whose strength is sufficient for each day, and who whispers truths that are well worth writing down. Not the prose of Tillich or McFague; just the gospel of Kim.
And believe me, this is good news indeed.
If you were righting your gospel - your good news - what would you say? How would you describe your experience of God? What is the good news of your relationship with God?
Offering thanks for blessings great (strength and wisdom) and small (crutches and ice packs),
Kim
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Holy War and College Football
We were driving through Boise on the way to a quiet lunch at Shangri La Tearoom when I saw two men standing at the side of the road holding a huge blue and orange sign that read "Abortion kills future Broncos." I was shocked by the sign, then enraged. Two men standing at a busy crossroads holding a sign that links this serious and highly volatile issue with the local college football team - what were they thinking?
First I felt the flash of anger - then I felt the rage. I suggested that Bill not let me roll down my window (I rolled it down anyway). I wanted to shout something (I didn't, thank goodness) because I also didn't want to shout something (higher reasoning still present). My hand went out the window and I gave a thumbs down sign (believe me, it could have been much worse). They didn't see me, and the gesture didn't make me feel a bit better.
I thought of having Bill pull the car over so I could get out and talk with them (too angry). I thought of having Bill drive around a very large block until I calmed down and then go back to where they were so I could have a word with them. I started to think about what I would say, post rage. Would I remember to pose a question instead of lecturing them on my viewpoint? Would I be able to see them as persons and hear their point of view respectfully? Or would all my "pushed buttons" cause me to react in a way that kept me from seeing them as beloved children of God? My guess is that it would have been the latter, so I didn't ask Bill to drive back. There was nothing I would say to them that would bring more light and life - just heat.
I am enraged by the proposed bill requiring all women who have an abortion in Idaho to first have an ultrasound before the abortion. Most people I associate with are positively staggered by this new reality that decades-old hard won victories for women's health care are now up for grabs - again. Young women today have no memory of a time when a woman's reproductive and contraceptive care were outside of their personal control, and debated and determined by (primarily) men. Now these matters are again being decided and debated by predominately male politicians and religious leaders. How did this happen?
Silly question - a historical and political analysis shows exactly how this happened. Answering that question can give us valuable data on how to keep this from happening again. But a more important question is: What do we do about it now?
There was a rally at the Capitol today (which, I think, is why the men where several blocks away holding the offensive blue and orange sign linking abortion with disadvantaging our prized football team). I didn't go - mostly for health reasons, but also because as much as I love a good rally, I'm not sure it advances the cause of dialogue any further. It provides a vehicle for expressing an opinion, but does it create a climate for dialogue? If you close your eyes and listen to the "emotion" at a tea party rally or most rallies for "liberal" causes, the emotional tone is the same. If you watch the two events on TV and read the expressions on the faces of the participants, you see similar emotions. If you listen to the content, you hear similar rhetoric, with the topic and names of the enemy changed in keeping with the circumstances. "The country is going to hell in a hand basket, and it is those liberal, socialist/communist, debt-loving East Coast Ivy League elites driving the bus to hell." Or, "the country is going to hell in a hand basket, and it is those reactionary, conservative/libertarian, judgmental, fundamentalist, intolerant knuckle-draggers who are blowing it to kingdom come."
We need to find common ground where we can begin a process of dialogue more than we need opportunities to express our passionate points of view.
It would be nice if this were the part of the blog where I could describe, in simple prose, how we find that common ground and starting place of dialogue on all issues - women's health and reproductive care, role of government in the life of all citizens, war, poverty, taxes, health care, immigration, racism, civil rights for those who are LGBT, global warming and our current environmental catastrophe. The truth is, I have no great plan for how we get there. But get there we must, one step at a time.
It was good (although not very therapeutic) that I didn't scream at the men who were equating an issue as serious as women's health care with college football. And in the spirit of Jesus' instruction to pray for my enemies, I will remember them in prayer tonight (it will be a stretch). But that isn't enough - it is a good start, but it is only a first step. I have to grow to the point where I can hold my truth passionately and honor it while being able to engage those who have power and hold an entirely different equally passionate point of view, and enter into conversation - with my blood pressure staying within the recognized range for human beings, and my heart open to an honest conversation.
The truth is, there is a part of me that doesn't want honest conversation. I want to yell and verbally defend my viewpoint with as much passion (and aggression) as I can. For me it feels like a sacred cause - a holy war. A just war. And therein lies the problem - I've just gone to war. While I am part of the problem, I will be unable to be part of the solution.
And so I begin again...and sit with the questions...and listen to the still voice of wisdom deep within the silence. And work to keep my heart soft and open - even when it hurts.
I will write again Sunday evening (taking a Sabbath break on Friday and Saturday). Until then, I invite you to think about how, as a citizens of planet earth (or the US, or Idaho, or Boise - or wherever you call home) you can be part of the solution to the deeply entrenched cultural, social, economic, religious, and political polarization that is our reality. How do we find common ground on the critical issues, so we can stop turning each other into the enemy and resolving our conflicts by going to "war?"
With more questions than answers...but a willingness to sit with the questions,
Kim
First I felt the flash of anger - then I felt the rage. I suggested that Bill not let me roll down my window (I rolled it down anyway). I wanted to shout something (I didn't, thank goodness) because I also didn't want to shout something (higher reasoning still present). My hand went out the window and I gave a thumbs down sign (believe me, it could have been much worse). They didn't see me, and the gesture didn't make me feel a bit better.
I thought of having Bill pull the car over so I could get out and talk with them (too angry). I thought of having Bill drive around a very large block until I calmed down and then go back to where they were so I could have a word with them. I started to think about what I would say, post rage. Would I remember to pose a question instead of lecturing them on my viewpoint? Would I be able to see them as persons and hear their point of view respectfully? Or would all my "pushed buttons" cause me to react in a way that kept me from seeing them as beloved children of God? My guess is that it would have been the latter, so I didn't ask Bill to drive back. There was nothing I would say to them that would bring more light and life - just heat.
I am enraged by the proposed bill requiring all women who have an abortion in Idaho to first have an ultrasound before the abortion. Most people I associate with are positively staggered by this new reality that decades-old hard won victories for women's health care are now up for grabs - again. Young women today have no memory of a time when a woman's reproductive and contraceptive care were outside of their personal control, and debated and determined by (primarily) men. Now these matters are again being decided and debated by predominately male politicians and religious leaders. How did this happen?
Silly question - a historical and political analysis shows exactly how this happened. Answering that question can give us valuable data on how to keep this from happening again. But a more important question is: What do we do about it now?
There was a rally at the Capitol today (which, I think, is why the men where several blocks away holding the offensive blue and orange sign linking abortion with disadvantaging our prized football team). I didn't go - mostly for health reasons, but also because as much as I love a good rally, I'm not sure it advances the cause of dialogue any further. It provides a vehicle for expressing an opinion, but does it create a climate for dialogue? If you close your eyes and listen to the "emotion" at a tea party rally or most rallies for "liberal" causes, the emotional tone is the same. If you watch the two events on TV and read the expressions on the faces of the participants, you see similar emotions. If you listen to the content, you hear similar rhetoric, with the topic and names of the enemy changed in keeping with the circumstances. "The country is going to hell in a hand basket, and it is those liberal, socialist/communist, debt-loving East Coast Ivy League elites driving the bus to hell." Or, "the country is going to hell in a hand basket, and it is those reactionary, conservative/libertarian, judgmental, fundamentalist, intolerant knuckle-draggers who are blowing it to kingdom come."
We need to find common ground where we can begin a process of dialogue more than we need opportunities to express our passionate points of view.
It would be nice if this were the part of the blog where I could describe, in simple prose, how we find that common ground and starting place of dialogue on all issues - women's health and reproductive care, role of government in the life of all citizens, war, poverty, taxes, health care, immigration, racism, civil rights for those who are LGBT, global warming and our current environmental catastrophe. The truth is, I have no great plan for how we get there. But get there we must, one step at a time.
It was good (although not very therapeutic) that I didn't scream at the men who were equating an issue as serious as women's health care with college football. And in the spirit of Jesus' instruction to pray for my enemies, I will remember them in prayer tonight (it will be a stretch). But that isn't enough - it is a good start, but it is only a first step. I have to grow to the point where I can hold my truth passionately and honor it while being able to engage those who have power and hold an entirely different equally passionate point of view, and enter into conversation - with my blood pressure staying within the recognized range for human beings, and my heart open to an honest conversation.
The truth is, there is a part of me that doesn't want honest conversation. I want to yell and verbally defend my viewpoint with as much passion (and aggression) as I can. For me it feels like a sacred cause - a holy war. A just war. And therein lies the problem - I've just gone to war. While I am part of the problem, I will be unable to be part of the solution.
And so I begin again...and sit with the questions...and listen to the still voice of wisdom deep within the silence. And work to keep my heart soft and open - even when it hurts.
I will write again Sunday evening (taking a Sabbath break on Friday and Saturday). Until then, I invite you to think about how, as a citizens of planet earth (or the US, or Idaho, or Boise - or wherever you call home) you can be part of the solution to the deeply entrenched cultural, social, economic, religious, and political polarization that is our reality. How do we find common ground on the critical issues, so we can stop turning each other into the enemy and resolving our conflicts by going to "war?"
With more questions than answers...but a willingness to sit with the questions,
Kim
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
What Matters...
In previous posts I've talked about the examen - a spiritual discipline that helps to deepen one's awareness of God presence while enhancing the ability to express gratitude. It is simply a matter of taking some time at the end of the day and inviting God to show you those places where you experienced God's love most clearly (consolation), and those places where you did not experience God's love at all (desolation).
Consequently moments of grace are very much on my mind right now, as I draw my day to a close. I was awakened with a soothing, melodic bird song this morning, as a robin temporarily displaced my red-winged friends and their edgy WAKE UP riff. This morning grace came to me through a person who patiently takes the time to help me see new possibilities in my life, even when I cannot see them for myself. This afternoon someone else took the time to help me feel empowered and strong by"safely" lifting weights and doing some cardio (oh how I miss the rehab pool)! The tree outside my office window gave some lovely wee birds a place to perch and preen while I worked my way through bulletin drafts, glancing up at their beauty now and then. And tonight the stars and moon were so clear and crisp - all I could do was take a deep breath as I gazed upward and offer thanks.
Nature and people - God's beauty and supportive love just when I needed it - in just the right way.
I am so thankful that these people showed up - and cared - and were willing to share their wisdom and experience with me. Even though it was part of their job to show up, their kindness and care went above and beyond, and continues to make a huge difference in my life. I am also deeply grateful that the beauty of God's created world can be enjoyed - each bird and star and tree is such a gift!
Where did you make a difference today? How did God work through you to provide just what was needed at just the right time? Whose life was touched because you showed up - right where you are? It is humbling to think that the God of the Cosmos is able to touch us through others...and that we can reach out to others, be in partnership with this God and make a difference. I am awed by this reality, and oh so grateful!
May you show up for your life, so God can work with you and through you to change the world - one act of love and compassion at a time. It all matters! You matter!
With gratitude,
Kim
Consequently moments of grace are very much on my mind right now, as I draw my day to a close. I was awakened with a soothing, melodic bird song this morning, as a robin temporarily displaced my red-winged friends and their edgy WAKE UP riff. This morning grace came to me through a person who patiently takes the time to help me see new possibilities in my life, even when I cannot see them for myself. This afternoon someone else took the time to help me feel empowered and strong by"safely" lifting weights and doing some cardio (oh how I miss the rehab pool)! The tree outside my office window gave some lovely wee birds a place to perch and preen while I worked my way through bulletin drafts, glancing up at their beauty now and then. And tonight the stars and moon were so clear and crisp - all I could do was take a deep breath as I gazed upward and offer thanks.
Nature and people - God's beauty and supportive love just when I needed it - in just the right way.
I am so thankful that these people showed up - and cared - and were willing to share their wisdom and experience with me. Even though it was part of their job to show up, their kindness and care went above and beyond, and continues to make a huge difference in my life. I am also deeply grateful that the beauty of God's created world can be enjoyed - each bird and star and tree is such a gift!
Where did you make a difference today? How did God work through you to provide just what was needed at just the right time? Whose life was touched because you showed up - right where you are? It is humbling to think that the God of the Cosmos is able to touch us through others...and that we can reach out to others, be in partnership with this God and make a difference. I am awed by this reality, and oh so grateful!
May you show up for your life, so God can work with you and through you to change the world - one act of love and compassion at a time. It all matters! You matter!
With gratitude,
Kim
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Graceland
Who knew the red-winged alarm clocks could read, and would take my blog so literally! They were outside my window early this morning and woke me in style! I smiled as I heard them - our bird feeders seem to be a regular stop on their daily rounds. They were one of the bright spots of my day, as were some beautiful clouds and a light flurry of snow later this afternoon. I have a blue spruce right outside my office window that is often filled with sparrows and finches. Add a light dusting of snow, and you have the perfect Christmas card picture.
Except that it is March. Winter and spring continue their dance where first one leads and then the other takes over. Today winter claimed the day (tomorrow, too, so the weather reader says). Spring by the weekend? One never knows. It is a gift to be able to watch this dance, and enjoy the passion it contains.
Today was a hard health day, so I am thankful for the glimpses of grace that carried me through, with the view out nearby windows providing my ticket to graceland. And grace was there - delightfully there. I wish I could tell you that it made all the difficulties better, but that would be a lie. It did, however, make them easier to bear. Tonight I listen to the sound of the wind rattling the windows and howling around the corners of the house. It is a different music from the funky bird scat, but it has its own charm. I close my eyes and listen, and soon I feel myself howling like the wind, just like I hear myself singing with the birds. Today I watched the hawk soaring overhead, and felt the wind lifting my arms as I, too, soared...and for a moment, I felt one with creation, and less aware of the burdens bending my shoulders low. I accept these moments as the precious gift they are, and offer thanks to the One who meets me even in the sound of the wind.
Prayer (from Earth Gospel, by Sam Hamilton Poore
Erase all the lines, O God,
that I have drawn in my mind
to separate the life that is "not-me"
from the life that is "me."
Enlarge the boundaries of my heart
to include soil and water,
air and animals,
friend and stranger -
all that, in Christ, you've called me
to love and nourish.
Tonight I will ride the wind, and then rest in the arms of my Creator.
Where and how did you encounter grace today? I invite you to acknowledge this gift, and offer thanks.
With gratitude,
Kim
Except that it is March. Winter and spring continue their dance where first one leads and then the other takes over. Today winter claimed the day (tomorrow, too, so the weather reader says). Spring by the weekend? One never knows. It is a gift to be able to watch this dance, and enjoy the passion it contains.
Today was a hard health day, so I am thankful for the glimpses of grace that carried me through, with the view out nearby windows providing my ticket to graceland. And grace was there - delightfully there. I wish I could tell you that it made all the difficulties better, but that would be a lie. It did, however, make them easier to bear. Tonight I listen to the sound of the wind rattling the windows and howling around the corners of the house. It is a different music from the funky bird scat, but it has its own charm. I close my eyes and listen, and soon I feel myself howling like the wind, just like I hear myself singing with the birds. Today I watched the hawk soaring overhead, and felt the wind lifting my arms as I, too, soared...and for a moment, I felt one with creation, and less aware of the burdens bending my shoulders low. I accept these moments as the precious gift they are, and offer thanks to the One who meets me even in the sound of the wind.
Prayer (from Earth Gospel, by Sam Hamilton Poore
Erase all the lines, O God,
that I have drawn in my mind
to separate the life that is "not-me"
from the life that is "me."
Enlarge the boundaries of my heart
to include soil and water,
air and animals,
friend and stranger -
all that, in Christ, you've called me
to love and nourish.
Tonight I will ride the wind, and then rest in the arms of my Creator.
Where and how did you encounter grace today? I invite you to acknowledge this gift, and offer thanks.
With gratitude,
Kim
Monday, March 5, 2012
Red-Winged Alarm Clocks (and metaphorical medicine)
Sometimes it is hard to get my attention, especially if I'm heading in another direction (or avoiding something). It is extremely easy for me to get focused on all kinds of stuff - the taxes need to be finished (bla), work-related paperwork (bla), just the sheer number of things that go into the work day (not all bla), the endless tasks involved in managing a home and getting through the day - dishes and laundry and driving and mail and shopping and sleeping and eating (not all bla, but some serious bla in the mix). It is easy for the routine and priorities of the day to become a self-perpetuating cycle that invites one to lose sight of why these things were done in the first place!
I'm convinced that churches (and other institutions) fall into the same trap. They get so filled with things that need to be done that all resources get devoted to doing those things - to perpetuating the system - with little thought as to why the church is doing what it is doing.
Then something gets your attention and wakes you up!
I spent the day doing some very good things at the church - important documents were created, meeting were taken, and stuff was done (a little bit of bla). I came home TIRED, as whatever is going on with my heart comes with a hefty dose of fatigue. Once settled at home, I was getting ready to start doing more stuff before resting in the chair, when all of a sudden I heard a faint sound of something familiar coming from out back. I dismissed it at first, but the flavor of the memory it triggered was very sweet and transported me back to that parking lot at Whole Foods in San Raphael. Hooked, I headed out onto the back deck to hear the sound of a HUGE flock of red-winged blackbirds holding forth in the large tree across the road (where the red-tailed hawks nest). What an amazing riot of sound! It completely masked the traffic sounds from Meridian Road at rush hour! I settled down in the rocking chair and listened to my favorite funky birdsong, felt the tension leave my body, and woke up. I've missed my bird friends - I've missed being outdoors. I've missed the way God speaks to me through the beauty of nature. It has been very quiet lately on the God front - I've missed the connection. I've been busy perpetuating stuff.
Sitting in that rocking chair enjoying the birdsong serenade reminded me of why I'm here (in birdville). It isn't about stuff and things, about perpetuating systems and meeting expectations (although I imagine that I will always play a role in taking care of stuff and things and perpetuating any number of systems, institutions, and expectations). Right now it is about learning to live in my heart, see with the eyes of my heart, assisting others to find their "heart space" - for that is where we experience both our true self and God.
Ouch. It isn't comfortable for me to think about hearts right now, as mine continues to beat in an odd way and sometimes hurts. In the past, when body parts have "failed," I have responded with anger and rejection. You can do that with a gallbladder - not that I'm suggesting that kind of negativity, but there is more latitude to diss a gallbladder than one's own heart. So although I haven't brought rejection and negativity into this experience, I haven't befriended my sore, mis-beating heart, either. I've actually tried to ignore it.
Instead, perhaps I might try to soothe it. Be kind to it. Understand it, and listen to the story it has to tell. No, I'm not trading in the heart monitor and cardiologist for metaphorical medicine, but perhaps there is a story here that needs to be heard, and acknowledged, and released. Perhaps I have some more heart work to do.
The black birds reminded me today that I have not been listening to what really matters, and I've forgotten the plot yet again. It is not about the stuff and expectations and perpetuating the cycle of more stuff. It is about listening to and with my heart, and seeing through my heart, and speaking from my heart, and living in my heart (both the mis-beating heart and the center-of-my being heart).
What a blessing it is that when I do forget the plot, God gently sends just the right messenger to get my attention - again and again. God bless those red-winged alarm clocks!
How does God get your attention? When was the last time you looked deeper at something that was happening in your life, because within it there was a message or lesson just for you (not that I believe God causes difficult things to happen, but I do believe God works with whatever material is available)? What is it like to hear, and see, and live in your heart? To sense the heartbeat of creation...? To feel the heartbeat of God...?
Which one of those five questions gets your attention? Sit with that question, and...
listen...
Beginning again,
Kim
I'm convinced that churches (and other institutions) fall into the same trap. They get so filled with things that need to be done that all resources get devoted to doing those things - to perpetuating the system - with little thought as to why the church is doing what it is doing.
Then something gets your attention and wakes you up!
I spent the day doing some very good things at the church - important documents were created, meeting were taken, and stuff was done (a little bit of bla). I came home TIRED, as whatever is going on with my heart comes with a hefty dose of fatigue. Once settled at home, I was getting ready to start doing more stuff before resting in the chair, when all of a sudden I heard a faint sound of something familiar coming from out back. I dismissed it at first, but the flavor of the memory it triggered was very sweet and transported me back to that parking lot at Whole Foods in San Raphael. Hooked, I headed out onto the back deck to hear the sound of a HUGE flock of red-winged blackbirds holding forth in the large tree across the road (where the red-tailed hawks nest). What an amazing riot of sound! It completely masked the traffic sounds from Meridian Road at rush hour! I settled down in the rocking chair and listened to my favorite funky birdsong, felt the tension leave my body, and woke up. I've missed my bird friends - I've missed being outdoors. I've missed the way God speaks to me through the beauty of nature. It has been very quiet lately on the God front - I've missed the connection. I've been busy perpetuating stuff.
Sitting in that rocking chair enjoying the birdsong serenade reminded me of why I'm here (in birdville). It isn't about stuff and things, about perpetuating systems and meeting expectations (although I imagine that I will always play a role in taking care of stuff and things and perpetuating any number of systems, institutions, and expectations). Right now it is about learning to live in my heart, see with the eyes of my heart, assisting others to find their "heart space" - for that is where we experience both our true self and God.
Ouch. It isn't comfortable for me to think about hearts right now, as mine continues to beat in an odd way and sometimes hurts. In the past, when body parts have "failed," I have responded with anger and rejection. You can do that with a gallbladder - not that I'm suggesting that kind of negativity, but there is more latitude to diss a gallbladder than one's own heart. So although I haven't brought rejection and negativity into this experience, I haven't befriended my sore, mis-beating heart, either. I've actually tried to ignore it.
Instead, perhaps I might try to soothe it. Be kind to it. Understand it, and listen to the story it has to tell. No, I'm not trading in the heart monitor and cardiologist for metaphorical medicine, but perhaps there is a story here that needs to be heard, and acknowledged, and released. Perhaps I have some more heart work to do.
The black birds reminded me today that I have not been listening to what really matters, and I've forgotten the plot yet again. It is not about the stuff and expectations and perpetuating the cycle of more stuff. It is about listening to and with my heart, and seeing through my heart, and speaking from my heart, and living in my heart (both the mis-beating heart and the center-of-my being heart).
What a blessing it is that when I do forget the plot, God gently sends just the right messenger to get my attention - again and again. God bless those red-winged alarm clocks!
How does God get your attention? When was the last time you looked deeper at something that was happening in your life, because within it there was a message or lesson just for you (not that I believe God causes difficult things to happen, but I do believe God works with whatever material is available)? What is it like to hear, and see, and live in your heart? To sense the heartbeat of creation...? To feel the heartbeat of God...?
Which one of those five questions gets your attention? Sit with that question, and...
listen...
Beginning again,
Kim
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Polarization and Prayer
The 8:30 am Sunday worship service at Boise First is a very unique service. When I began leading it back in 2009, I envisioned it transitioning into a contemplative service - lots of silence, lectio as the approach to scripture, and perhaps a bit of Taize-like prayer chants (clearly my preference is showing). And although the group kindly accommodates some silence and reflection, their preferred mode of worship involves discussion - they want to get into the scripture and preach it with me, discussing and debating, sharing and sorting through implications of what it means to walk through this world as followers of Rabbi Jesus. It has the flavor of the base communities of liberation theology, and is very refreshing!
Today the national and world events of this past week led us quickly to a discussion of the polarization in American society, and how one engages in civil discourse around issues that evoke passion on both sides. A certain radio talk show host was mentioned more than once - with our group wondering what we can/should do with the anger we feel. How do we confront such extreme views without being equally strident and angry? Or is it ok to be strident and angry? Is it righteous anger when I do it in defense of my cause (because I am right) but an extreme reaction on the part of the other when they do it (because they are wrong). After all, Jesus would agree with me...
There are many strategies we can adopt to face the complex and polarized political world of 2012. We can engage in political process designed to advance a particular perspective, and do it with respect, kindness, and compassion. We might do this through how we vote, or through peaceful demonstration and positive social engagement, or writing letters, or lobbying elected officials, or making lifestyle changes that promote the perspective that we feel is best for all (not just best for me).
We can learn from the Buddhist approach to right speech and be sure that our words and actions are consistent with our core values, engaging others through the process of posing questions, instead of putting forth a fixed viewpoint Furthermore, we can attempt to stand in the shoes of the person whose viewpoint is very different from our own, and develop compassion and understanding as we see through their eyes.
But the hardest yet most powerful thing we can do in these polarized times is pray for those whom we identify as our enemies - bringing them into our heart and then into the very heart of God. Henri Nouwen reminds us that of all Jesus' commandments, the commandment to love our enemies is perhaps the most radical (Show Me The Way - Daily Lenten Readings, 46-49). Once we consistently take an "enemy" into our heart and into God's heart, the gulf between us is reduced, and over time, the intensity of the feelings soften. Taking this first step of praying for our enemies does not mean abandoning what we know to be true or putting ourselves in a position where our enemy can harm us - healthy boundaries play an important safety role in highly polarized situations. Instead, it is a step of empowerment, as we choose to not engage in dualistic thinking, and instead look to relate to others in a more integrated way.
How do we challenge the despot and bully without engaging in their tactics? How do we speak the truth with a clear, loving voice without responding with anger when challenged? How do we find that common ground in our polarized society...world...close relationships? Can praying for those who act as our enemies truly be the start of transformation?
It is what Jesus preached and lived, even as he died. Perhaps it is worth a try...
I invite you to think of someone you would identify as an enemy - someone who challenges you in a primal way and invites a response of anger and defensiveness. What would it be like to pray for that person every day for the rest of Lent? The thought of it makes me very uncomfortable in that "growing edge kind of way."
I will give it a try. Will you join me?
With love,
Kim
Today the national and world events of this past week led us quickly to a discussion of the polarization in American society, and how one engages in civil discourse around issues that evoke passion on both sides. A certain radio talk show host was mentioned more than once - with our group wondering what we can/should do with the anger we feel. How do we confront such extreme views without being equally strident and angry? Or is it ok to be strident and angry? Is it righteous anger when I do it in defense of my cause (because I am right) but an extreme reaction on the part of the other when they do it (because they are wrong). After all, Jesus would agree with me...
There are many strategies we can adopt to face the complex and polarized political world of 2012. We can engage in political process designed to advance a particular perspective, and do it with respect, kindness, and compassion. We might do this through how we vote, or through peaceful demonstration and positive social engagement, or writing letters, or lobbying elected officials, or making lifestyle changes that promote the perspective that we feel is best for all (not just best for me).
We can learn from the Buddhist approach to right speech and be sure that our words and actions are consistent with our core values, engaging others through the process of posing questions, instead of putting forth a fixed viewpoint Furthermore, we can attempt to stand in the shoes of the person whose viewpoint is very different from our own, and develop compassion and understanding as we see through their eyes.
But the hardest yet most powerful thing we can do in these polarized times is pray for those whom we identify as our enemies - bringing them into our heart and then into the very heart of God. Henri Nouwen reminds us that of all Jesus' commandments, the commandment to love our enemies is perhaps the most radical (Show Me The Way - Daily Lenten Readings, 46-49). Once we consistently take an "enemy" into our heart and into God's heart, the gulf between us is reduced, and over time, the intensity of the feelings soften. Taking this first step of praying for our enemies does not mean abandoning what we know to be true or putting ourselves in a position where our enemy can harm us - healthy boundaries play an important safety role in highly polarized situations. Instead, it is a step of empowerment, as we choose to not engage in dualistic thinking, and instead look to relate to others in a more integrated way.
How do we challenge the despot and bully without engaging in their tactics? How do we speak the truth with a clear, loving voice without responding with anger when challenged? How do we find that common ground in our polarized society...world...close relationships? Can praying for those who act as our enemies truly be the start of transformation?
It is what Jesus preached and lived, even as he died. Perhaps it is worth a try...
I invite you to think of someone you would identify as an enemy - someone who challenges you in a primal way and invites a response of anger and defensiveness. What would it be like to pray for that person every day for the rest of Lent? The thought of it makes me very uncomfortable in that "growing edge kind of way."
I will give it a try. Will you join me?
With love,
Kim
Thursday, March 1, 2012
The view at 25 mph
The speed limit changed again today as I had to acknowledge that I am tired, and need to rest. Writing those words feels more like a confession or admission of guilt than just stating an obvious fact. I will stay home and rest for the next two days, in the hopes of building up some energy reserves for Sunday.
This is a very new experience for me. I've never felt "bone tired" like this before. I start to do a task and if feels like something drains away all my energy (energy vampires). It is an odd, unsettled feeling - like trying to swim in molasses. So tomorrow and Saturday I'm going to give up swimming laps in the molasses pool, and just rest. Doing this is conterintuitive right down to my DNA, but we'll see how it works. My mind accepts this possibility better when I call it an experiment...
Today's blessings came in many forms, and I counted each and every one! A tree full of red-winged blackbirds (with a little bit of talk-back), amazing cloud formations, beautiful snow fall, warm and soothing water at the rehab pool, and (I've saved the best for last) - David sailed his defense and is only a graduation ceremony away from his PhD. I felt each tick of the clock during his hour-long defense, remembering a little kindergarten child who amused himself by memorizing the names of the American Presidents and Vice Presidents in chronological order (ascending or descending). I remembered being called in to speak with his kindergarten teacher (with my heart in my throat wondering what was wrong) only to be asked if I knew that my five-year-old woke early each morning so he could read the President's page in his dictionary (one of his favorite books). I didn't know that - but did know that he had a gift for learning, and an interest in American History. Now he will teach a new generation about his passion, and I couldn't be more proud. Well done, David!
Looking back over his journey, the path is now obvious and easy to see. Isn't hindsight an amazing gift! I can assure you that there were many times in the midst of the journey that the path was anything but obvious. When things felt confused, David learned to follow his heart - and that led him to where he is today. That accomplishment - learning to follow his heart - rivals his PhD. Well done, indeed!
All the great mystics of the faith talk about the importance of following one's heart as a way to to know oneself, experience God and discern a wise way forward. I have discovered that the language of the heart is harder to hear and understand at 75 mph. But at 25 mph, it is a totally different experience. The view at 25mph is extremely enlightening!
I will write again on Sunday night after some Sabbath rest. May you find a way to slow down and learn the language of your heart - and follow it's wise leading. Through it you will find not only yourself and your path, but you will also find God.
With love,
Kim
This is a very new experience for me. I've never felt "bone tired" like this before. I start to do a task and if feels like something drains away all my energy (energy vampires). It is an odd, unsettled feeling - like trying to swim in molasses. So tomorrow and Saturday I'm going to give up swimming laps in the molasses pool, and just rest. Doing this is conterintuitive right down to my DNA, but we'll see how it works. My mind accepts this possibility better when I call it an experiment...
Today's blessings came in many forms, and I counted each and every one! A tree full of red-winged blackbirds (with a little bit of talk-back), amazing cloud formations, beautiful snow fall, warm and soothing water at the rehab pool, and (I've saved the best for last) - David sailed his defense and is only a graduation ceremony away from his PhD. I felt each tick of the clock during his hour-long defense, remembering a little kindergarten child who amused himself by memorizing the names of the American Presidents and Vice Presidents in chronological order (ascending or descending). I remembered being called in to speak with his kindergarten teacher (with my heart in my throat wondering what was wrong) only to be asked if I knew that my five-year-old woke early each morning so he could read the President's page in his dictionary (one of his favorite books). I didn't know that - but did know that he had a gift for learning, and an interest in American History. Now he will teach a new generation about his passion, and I couldn't be more proud. Well done, David!
Looking back over his journey, the path is now obvious and easy to see. Isn't hindsight an amazing gift! I can assure you that there were many times in the midst of the journey that the path was anything but obvious. When things felt confused, David learned to follow his heart - and that led him to where he is today. That accomplishment - learning to follow his heart - rivals his PhD. Well done, indeed!
All the great mystics of the faith talk about the importance of following one's heart as a way to to know oneself, experience God and discern a wise way forward. I have discovered that the language of the heart is harder to hear and understand at 75 mph. But at 25 mph, it is a totally different experience. The view at 25mph is extremely enlightening!
I will write again on Sunday night after some Sabbath rest. May you find a way to slow down and learn the language of your heart - and follow it's wise leading. Through it you will find not only yourself and your path, but you will also find God.
With love,
Kim
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