The speed limit changed again today as I had to acknowledge that I am tired, and need to rest. Writing those words feels more like a confession or admission of guilt than just stating an obvious fact. I will stay home and rest for the next two days, in the hopes of building up some energy reserves for Sunday.
This is a very new experience for me. I've never felt "bone tired" like this before. I start to do a task and if feels like something drains away all my energy (energy vampires). It is an odd, unsettled feeling - like trying to swim in molasses. So tomorrow and Saturday I'm going to give up swimming laps in the molasses pool, and just rest. Doing this is conterintuitive right down to my DNA, but we'll see how it works. My mind accepts this possibility better when I call it an experiment...
Today's blessings came in many forms, and I counted each and every one! A tree full of red-winged blackbirds (with a little bit of talk-back), amazing cloud formations, beautiful snow fall, warm and soothing water at the rehab pool, and (I've saved the best for last) - David sailed his defense and is only a graduation ceremony away from his PhD. I felt each tick of the clock during his hour-long defense, remembering a little kindergarten child who amused himself by memorizing the names of the American Presidents and Vice Presidents in chronological order (ascending or descending). I remembered being called in to speak with his kindergarten teacher (with my heart in my throat wondering what was wrong) only to be asked if I knew that my five-year-old woke early each morning so he could read the President's page in his dictionary (one of his favorite books). I didn't know that - but did know that he had a gift for learning, and an interest in American History. Now he will teach a new generation about his passion, and I couldn't be more proud. Well done, David!
Looking back over his journey, the path is now obvious and easy to see. Isn't hindsight an amazing gift! I can assure you that there were many times in the midst of the journey that the path was anything but obvious. When things felt confused, David learned to follow his heart - and that led him to where he is today. That accomplishment - learning to follow his heart - rivals his PhD. Well done, indeed!
All the great mystics of the faith talk about the importance of following one's heart as a way to to know oneself, experience God and discern a wise way forward. I have discovered that the language of the heart is harder to hear and understand at 75 mph. But at 25 mph, it is a totally different experience. The view at 25mph is extremely enlightening!
I will write again on Sunday night after some Sabbath rest. May you find a way to slow down and learn the language of your heart - and follow it's wise leading. Through it you will find not only yourself and your path, but you will also find God.
With love,
Kim
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