We were driving through Boise on the way to a quiet lunch at Shangri La Tearoom when I saw two men standing at the side of the road holding a huge blue and orange sign that read "Abortion kills future Broncos." I was shocked by the sign, then enraged. Two men standing at a busy crossroads holding a sign that links this serious and highly volatile issue with the local college football team - what were they thinking?
First I felt the flash of anger - then I felt the rage. I suggested that Bill not let me roll down my window (I rolled it down anyway). I wanted to shout something (I didn't, thank goodness) because I also didn't want to shout something (higher reasoning still present). My hand went out the window and I gave a thumbs down sign (believe me, it could have been much worse). They didn't see me, and the gesture didn't make me feel a bit better.
I thought of having Bill pull the car over so I could get out and talk with them (too angry). I thought of having Bill drive around a very large block until I calmed down and then go back to where they were so I could have a word with them. I started to think about what I would say, post rage. Would I remember to pose a question instead of lecturing them on my viewpoint? Would I be able to see them as persons and hear their point of view respectfully? Or would all my "pushed buttons" cause me to react in a way that kept me from seeing them as beloved children of God? My guess is that it would have been the latter, so I didn't ask Bill to drive back. There was nothing I would say to them that would bring more light and life - just heat.
I am enraged by the proposed bill requiring all women who have an abortion in Idaho to first have an ultrasound before the abortion. Most people I associate with are positively staggered by this new reality that decades-old hard won victories for women's health care are now up for grabs - again. Young women today have no memory of a time when a woman's reproductive and contraceptive care were outside of their personal control, and debated and determined by (primarily) men. Now these matters are again being decided and debated by predominately male politicians and religious leaders. How did this happen?
Silly question - a historical and political analysis shows exactly how this happened. Answering that question can give us valuable data on how to keep this from happening again. But a more important question is: What do we do about it now?
There was a rally at the Capitol today (which, I think, is why the men where several blocks away holding the offensive blue and orange sign linking abortion with disadvantaging our prized football team). I didn't go - mostly for health reasons, but also because as much as I love a good rally, I'm not sure it advances the cause of dialogue any further. It provides a vehicle for expressing an opinion, but does it create a climate for dialogue? If you close your eyes and listen to the "emotion" at a tea party rally or most rallies for "liberal" causes, the emotional tone is the same. If you watch the two events on TV and read the expressions on the faces of the participants, you see similar emotions. If you listen to the content, you hear similar rhetoric, with the topic and names of the enemy changed in keeping with the circumstances. "The country is going to hell in a hand basket, and it is those liberal, socialist/communist, debt-loving East Coast Ivy League elites driving the bus to hell." Or, "the country is going to hell in a hand basket, and it is those reactionary, conservative/libertarian, judgmental, fundamentalist, intolerant knuckle-draggers who are blowing it to kingdom come."
We need to find common ground where we can begin a process of dialogue more than we need opportunities to express our passionate points of view.
It would be nice if this were the part of the blog where I could describe, in simple prose, how we find that common ground and starting place of dialogue on all issues - women's health and reproductive care, role of government in the life of all citizens, war, poverty, taxes, health care, immigration, racism, civil rights for those who are LGBT, global warming and our current environmental catastrophe. The truth is, I have no great plan for how we get there. But get there we must, one step at a time.
It was good (although not very therapeutic) that I didn't scream at the men who were equating an issue as serious as women's health care with college football. And in the spirit of Jesus' instruction to pray for my enemies, I will remember them in prayer tonight (it will be a stretch). But that isn't enough - it is a good start, but it is only a first step. I have to grow to the point where I can hold my truth passionately and honor it while being able to engage those who have power and hold an entirely different equally passionate point of view, and enter into conversation - with my blood pressure staying within the recognized range for human beings, and my heart open to an honest conversation.
The truth is, there is a part of me that doesn't want honest conversation. I want to yell and verbally defend my viewpoint with as much passion (and aggression) as I can. For me it feels like a sacred cause - a holy war. A just war. And therein lies the problem - I've just gone to war. While I am part of the problem, I will be unable to be part of the solution.
And so I begin again...and sit with the questions...and listen to the still voice of wisdom deep within the silence. And work to keep my heart soft and open - even when it hurts.
I will write again Sunday evening (taking a Sabbath break on Friday and Saturday). Until then, I invite you to think about how, as a citizens of planet earth (or the US, or Idaho, or Boise - or wherever you call home) you can be part of the solution to the deeply entrenched cultural, social, economic, religious, and political polarization that is our reality. How do we find common ground on the critical issues, so we can stop turning each other into the enemy and resolving our conflicts by going to "war?"
With more questions than answers...but a willingness to sit with the questions,
Kim
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