The winter rains are here! They arrived like a mist that clung to everything and made all life glisten with moist possibility... and then it began to rain. The earth rejoices, but I found myself remembering what happens when arthritic joints meet cold, damp weather. I feel like the Tin Man in the Wizard of Oz who is rusted in the meadow (where is that oil can)!
Despite my rust, today was my day for an Epiphany - welcome, painful to birth, and most unexpected. It began in class this morning when I found myself having an uncharacteristic over-reaction to the simplest of exercises. I've been around the block enough to know that reactions like this usually indicate an iceberg lurking somewhere just under the surface of consciousness: Iceberg Warning! I puzzled and thought - and even was fairly sure I had identified yon iceberg. But I couldn't have been more wrong! In Practicum today it was my turn to be the one who shared something in my "story" that had some "energy" about it, and allow one of the other students to practice their skills at guiding me through the experience in order to gain greater clarity and understanding of God's working in my life. While we do this, the other students and instructor look on and provide prayerful support (and feedback when the exercise is completed). I have enough trust in our group that I was willing to "unfold" this morning's experience, never dreaming it would take me where it did. But as each layer unfolded, a deeper awareness was present - and I had an opportunity to acknowledge some pain I thought I had already released and say out loud things I rarely voice to anyone but God. There is great power in speaking one's truth aloud to be heard by God and others. I ended in a very different place than I started - with the intervening part a complete surprise! But a good surprise...a healing surprise...a gift of Grace.
I gained some unexpected insight today that I will ponder for some time - a true gift. Healing and insight came when I least expected it, and in a form I was not anticipating. I don't know why it always surprises me when the Spirit works in community! After all, that is one of the primary purposes of community - to be a vessel/container for God's people through which the Spirit works.
It is true that we never enter the same river twice. I came here to learn new skills/tools, to be exposed to new ideas, and to meet and collaborate with new colleagues - to expand my collegeal community. These things have certainly happened...but so much more has also taken place. My soul has found stillness and nourishment, and my vocation has come into clearer focus. Some wounds, both old and recent, have been lanced and cleaned, and allowed to heal in the light and air of a spacious, gracious community. I have come to know, love and respect myself with greater depth, and appreciation. I have also begun understanding my needs as both clergy and child of God, with greater tenderness and clarity - and acceptance.
In chapel we sang the prayer song: "Lord God heal me. Heal me O my Lord, that I might fulfill all your plans for me." The joy of all healing is that it frees us to be our true selves, and from that point of health and strength to be of service to others.
What heart and soul wounds are like icebergs that sometimes lurk just under the surface of your awareness? What would it be like if they surfaced - were acknowledged - were tended to and allowed to heal? How would that free you to be yourself and fulfill your unique reason for being here?
Hildegard of Bingen spoke of the greening power of God - viriditas - that which makes us shimmer with life. All around me, without and within, I see viriditas, and I rejoice!
With viriditas and love,
Kim
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