At first I thought it was caused by the sleep deprivation, or the natural decompression that followed an extremely stressful week. Perhaps it was the fact that Holy Week was about to descend like an a grand piano being dropped from the International Space Station.
Or maybe it was grace. Somewhere between the first worship service and the second, I found myself accepting an invitation to stop methodically working through my pre-worship-mile-long-worry list and instead just - just - enjoy the experience of worship.
The invitation was to play, and to see each part of the experience as an opportunity for surprise, and wonder, and to encounter God in a fresh and new way.
Suddenly each part of the service became my favorite part of the service. The choir sounded magnificent, and each time the congregation sang, the music they created was amazing. I experienced the congregation more directly - felt their changes of mood - and thoroughly enjoyed what we were creating together. The time with the new members was magical, and communion was a joy. If I could dance I would have danced through the church (perhaps my limitations in that regard are a blessing in disguise)! Instead my heart danced, and despite those nagging voices that forever warn me to stop having fun, I continued in the experience, moving into deep joy.
This has never happened to me when I was in the role of leading worship. I have experienced this joy as a participant in worship, but never when leading the experience.
So...was it the sleep deprivation/coming down from extreme stress, the onslaught of Holy Week, or an experience of grace?
The skeptic in me wants to opt for doors one or two, but my heart says we'll go with door number three!
To allow oneself to be in the moment (and not distracted by the zillion other things trying to hold attention) and experience joy - what a gift!
Do you allow yourself to be present and stay open to joy? To play? To see the amazing wonder all around us?
Look!
Kim
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