I've been trying to use the "gratitude" discipline on both pleasant and hard days. On pleasant days it is easy. On hard days...well...not so easy. At first I wondered if I was being dishonest with myself (I always cringed at the "fake it 'till you make it" approach). Is focusing on the blessings a way of ignoring the pain and difficulties - a martyr's form of denial? As the fire is lit, Joan of Arc takes a deep whiff of the smoke and is heard to say "oak - is that oak I smell - ah, I love the smell of an oak fire..."
No, it isn't denial. Even in the midst of a bad day, there are blessings. Even when enraptured by a glorious day, there are challenges. It is always both/and, like it/or not.
Today was a tough day. And there were blessings - for which I am grateful. The tough parts of today will require a level of flexibility, adaptation, and acceptance that are beyond my capability tonight. Fortunately, tomorrow is another day, and I suspect that both the grace and strength will be there to do what needs to be done - tomorrow. Tonight, I'm just going to let it be what it is, trust that God is willing to share my pain, and then we'll sort it out tomorrow.
"Fear and worry are understandable at times. It would be stupid not to be concerned for our personal well-being, and selfish not to be concerned for others. Feeling concern is a natural part of human goodness. But when it prevents us from accepting our life, fear is crippling. We find ourselves saying no to the world; no to our karma; no, no, no to everything - which is a very painful way to live. When we spend our life wishing it were different, it's like living someone else's life. Or, we could say, it's like living our life despite ourselves. Meanwhile, the full spectrum of our life experience goes by unnoticed. - Dzigar Kongtrul, It's Up to You
"When we spend our life wishing it were different, it's like living someone else's life." Dzigar Kongtrul Rinpoche is wise. But I will embrace his wisdom tomorrow.
Present,
Kim
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