I am sitting in front of the window in the Jerome and Paula Room of the Spirit Center. From here I look East across the Camas Prairie towards what I think is the Bitterroot Range, or some such mountains that lead to Montana. Immediately outside the window are trees filled with birds, a small creek with a bridge, and big sky. Sigh.
The first thing I always do when I arrive in my room is move the gliding chair right in front of the window. The second thing I do is raise the blinds on the floor-to-ceiling window all the way to the top, so I can see every bit of sky. Then I sit back in the chair, take a deep breath...and just sit and gaze at God's beautiful creation.
When I got out of the car tonight I thought I had been transported forward in time to August. The heat, bugs, and stillness in the air reminded me of high summer. The drive was uneventful, but took much longer than usual. I did not have the stamina for a reprise of my "road warrior" persona, so instead I puddled my way up here, stopping more frequently than ever before, and driving at a speed that would have embarrassed my family of origin. Bill offered to drive me here (knowing that I'm not feeling all that well), but there was a part of me that wanted to see if I could still do it - could manage a small road trip with bags full of books (or is that baggage?) and arrive in one piece. And I did.
My bird friends are here, and have greeted me warmly. I have plenty of projects to do and a stack of books to attack. And a paper to write. And a course assignment to do - should I feel led to work.
And, of course, birds and a wee creek to watch.
Normally I go over to chapel three times a day for services - it is a very important rhythm for me. This time, though, I'm not sure. I pray fairly well right in front of this window, so this is as far as I might get. I brought plenty of sodium free, fat free, low protein, oxalate free (taste free - ooops, sorry) food, so I can eat my meals in the little lounge next to my room without walking over to the Monastery - should I choose to. We'll see what tomorrow brings. At 6 am I will speak with the folks at Duke who lead this program I've enrolled in to learn new healthy ways of taking care of my heart. It will be my first conference, so I'm a bit excited about that. Mercifully, the calls will be each Tuesday at 7 am when I'm back in Boise! And I'll have a session with my spiritual director while I'm here, which is always a joy.
I normally come on retreat with an agenda (items needing discernment, work to do (which I did bring), new prayer techniques to learn etc, but not this time. This time God can take my retreat in whatever direction God chooses. If that means not opening a book and spending long hours praying and napping in front of this window, so be it (although I'll need some heavenly assistance with the guilt...).
In the words of one of my favorite prayer songs: "The time has come - the time is now to stop and feel the pull of the Lord. O Shepherd speak to me." May God speak in whatever way God chooses - both to me, and to you.
Watching the wee creek gently pass by my window -
Kim
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