Power Tools

I am feeling very mortal today.  Despite the best of intentions, some very good self care, and clearly documented progress in the making some key health-promoting changes, it all fell apart today at a most inopportune time - during worship.  I have no warning prior to the arrhythmia kicking in (at least none I've been able to detect), and so off it went, and there I was trying to maintain a sense of calm and control when my heart was clearly out of control.  I started coughing, kept trying to breathe deeply, and prayed that it would pass quickly. 

And it passed - not quickly enough, but it did pass.  I got through it, even though it happened in the middle of the sermon.  So here is where I start counting my blessings - I wasn't preaching today!  Instead, I got to enjoy a most beautiful sight - an emerging vocation.  Nothing touches a preacher's heart like watching a vocation emerge in another person (even this ill-beating heart of mine).

I am mellowing (shock!), which may be enough to prove the efficacy of prayer.  What once invited anger (personal illness) now produces acceptance and compassion 95% of the time (easier, I confess,  when illness doesn't present during worship).  Instead of plastering on my "game face" and proving to myself that I am invincible, I finished the service, greeted some folk at the door, and then headed to the office without making what would have been a sacrificial pass through the dining room to "meet and greet" and prove that I could do it.  I went to my office and put my head on my desk, and then quietly did paperwork.  The feelings were still there (guilt, inadequacy) as was the internal chorus ("just tough it out - its just a minor problem - deal with it and stop being such a wimp").  I didn't even get angry with the chorus - instead I gave them a hug and let them be.  They were so shocked that they didn't know what to do!  And so they stopped talking, and I had inner peace.  Amazing!

Compassion and acceptance (not anger or judgment) empowers change.  Loving myself and being kind to myself has motivated more change (in a shorter period of time) than years worth of angry "drill sergeant" self-talk ever produced.  Jesus and the Buddhists got it right!

I count today's self-encounter as a wee miracle, and offer thanks for the strength and transformative power of compassion and acceptance.  Directed inward, it shifts deeply entrenched patterns.  Directed outward, it changes the world.

Compassion and acceptance - two of the most powerful forces in our reality.  How are they at work in your life?

If I am able, I will be on retreat for the next several days.  I will probably write while on retreat, as my ability to sense God's activity is always heightened during retreat.  But if I don't write until Thursday evening, please know that I've been led into deep silence, and will write again when I emerge.

Blessings,
Kim