It is unfortunate that some good advice feels counter intuitive, and therefore easy to dismiss. The first time I flew on an airplane (I was fifteen) and heard the cheerful flight attendants (then know as stewardesses) give their perky description of what to do in case of an in-flight tragedy, I was stopped in my tracks by the instructions regarding oxygen masks: save yourself before you help someone else. Really? Didn't these people know that is was more heroic to help others first before tending to your own needs? Did we really want to encourage masses of people to behave selfishly, instead of selflessly? (My mental rant continued...) What self respecting parent would take care of themselves before taking care of their child? Clearly, society was stuffed into one tidy little hand basket of selfishness traveling headlong into the jaws of hell. (At fifteen I liked melodrama).
Despite the obvious fact that fifteen is two year shy of forty years ago, the early lessons that paved the way for a fifteen year old to consider sacrificing herself so that she could assist every person on that plane with their oxygen mask (while heroically holding her breath) before drawing one selfish breath of her own didn't simply slip into oblivion in some dark corner of my brain. If only! No, the refinement of age allowed me to channel those particular demons into less melodramatic but equally destructive scenes in my life. Sometimes the pattern is easy to see - or hard to miss, depending on how I feel about the outcome. But often it is subtle...
After yesterday's "interesting" day, I decided to begin today with some self care. As soon as I moved in the direction of putting my oxygen mask on, the internal chorus from Apocalypse Now unleashed its fury - one does not take care of oneself before all of one's obligations are met. But I did it anyway, sensing that if I first did some healthy things to take care of myself, the rest of the day would be better (know matter how "interesting" it got). So I did, and it was, and the chorus has slunk back into its waiting room, just looking for the next cue to perform.
Today was a better day. And part of that was because I took steps to nurture and care for myself in a healthy way before stepping into the needs of others. It did make a difference - even though I felt guilty at first...and still do (a little bit)...
...but not enough to keep me from doing it again. And I believe with each repetition of healthy behavior, the guilt will diminish. And eventually, the internal chorus of blame and shame will become bored with nothing to do, and either let go, or learn a new song.
Did you remember today to put your own oxygen mask on before helping others? Or are you holding your breath right now? It took Jesus awhile to learn a healthy pattern for his interactions with people who were in need, but he eventually found a rhythm between self care and service. We would be wise to follow his example.
Breathing deeply,
Kim
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