Wisdom came to visit me today, aware that, perhaps, I had exhausted myself enough that I could now listen to her voice. She wanted to talk about the brick wall that had become the focus of most of my energy.
The wall arrived in December, and has been the dominant feature on my landscape since its arrival - mostly because of my conviction that the road for my journey continued on the other side of the wall - heading due north. In a manner consistent with my training and personality, I've approached the wall like an obstacle to my progress - a challenge to overcome. And for these many months I have resourcefully and tenaciously sought to defeat the wall so I could continue with my journey.
I tried to go around the wall (too wide), made many attempts to climb over the wall (few hand holds and very slippery), and resourcefully tried to tunnel under the wall - but the wall continued underground. I beat on the wall, screamed at the wall, hated the wall for being an obstacle in my progress, and finally resorted to the only recourse I knew - I repeatedly ran head first into the wall, hoping that, over time, I would crack the wall and break through - and free.
But the wall just absorbed the blows, leaving me more tired than when I started.
It is so easy to continue with futile action, and so hard to stop and regroup...
Wisdom waited quietly and patiently (and with no small amount of heartbreak) until I had exhausted myself by running into the wall. And when all my striving was expended and I sat quietly in the pain, Wisdom finally had the space in which to speak:
Perhaps the wall isn't an obstacle keeping you from continuing due north on your journey. Perhaps the wall is the very hand of God, telling you that your journey doesn't take you due north. Look in the other directions and see what is there...
So instead keeping my tunnel vision I looked to the left, and to the right, and saw vistas of possibilities in either direction! And I laughed - one of those deep soul laughs - as I realized that I was missing the very guidance I had asked for because instead of turning my head, I insisted on ramming it into yon brick wall.
The path heading west looks very interesting, so I think I'll head that way for awhile. Before I set off I went up to touch the wall one last time - to touch the hand of God and say thank you for the boundary.
It will take a little time to heal - even my hard head is sore from my latest contact sport. And travelling this unknown road will take a bit of adjustment...and flexibility...and some time for it to feel familiar. But even though it is unfamiliar, it looks very inviting. I confess to being a bit excited to see what awaits me, as I journey in a new way.
Brick walls can be the Hand of God - my, my, my... and Wisdom can help us discern when the obstacle needs to be overcome, and when it is a source of redirection.
With gratitude to Wisdom, and a tired by joyful heart,
Kim
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