"Enoughness" - and Hitching Posts

I absolutely love this word - enoughness.  It leapt off the page as I read today's meditation in Joan Chittister's daily devotional entitled "The Rule of Benedict:  A Spirituality for the 21st Century."  In the same paragraph she uses a word that I like far less:  dependence.  She manages to put them together in a way that invites further reflection:

"We live in a culture that sees having things as the measure of our success.  We strive for a life that sees eliminating things as the measure of internal wealth.  Enoughness is a value long dead in Western society.  Dependence on God is a value long lost.  Yet, enoughness and dependence on God may be what is lacking in a society where consumerism and accumulation have become the root diseases of a world in which everything is not enough and nothing satisfies."  (p 235).

Ouch.  I feel the pinch of enoughness as I go through the ritual of sorting through "stuff" - what is saved, what is given away, what is sold?  How much is enough?  I usually find downsizing to feel liberating, but for some reason I am not there - yet.  Instead, I am finding memories and their "things" to be a bit sticky, and hard to release.  Yesterday I spent a few hours in the yarn closet, sorting out yarn for the sale I am having next weekend.  I picked up a cone of wool purchased in Orkney in 2000; silk from my studies in Denmark; cotton from my favorite place in Arizona; amazing wool from northern New Mexico - the week I spent learning rug weaving in Los Ojos.  I did not speak Spanish, and the woman on the loom next to mine did not speak English, yet she taught me so much about feeling the weaving - it was an amazing experience.  Wool from Iran that I bought from the teacher in London who spent a week teaching me how to tie knots for Persian rugs - she had learned the art in Iran, and brought back wool, tools, and many memories.  She shared them with me as I made thousands of knots - trying to teach my fingers to weave in a new way.  So many memories - yesterday my fingers ached to hold a shuttle and be part of weaving cloth.  Maybe sometime soon; right now I am busy weaving my life.

I do not know what to do with Joan's call to dependence on God.  I never know where to draw that line, thinking of the Sufi saying:  Praise Allah, and tie your camel to a post.  I pray the Prayer of Abandonment each day, but often end it with "but please know that I am willing to do my part - and will - as soon as I know exactly what that part is."  I do not want to be a lazy disciple (I tell myself).  I am willing to do the work - God does not have to do it for me (I even feel virtuous saying that).

Then I remember that here in the wilderness, it is not my hard work, virtue, or cleverness that is going to move me through this experience.  Instead, it is openness, awareness, and my willingness to respond to God's presence that will make the difference.  Unless I slow down and pay attention, I will miss the water and honey, and subtle directions that lead me home - wherever home is.

What would it mean to integrate enoughness and dependence on God - to make one of two, as the Gospel of Thomas would say.  What might that look like?

Resting for the night - and then walking on,
Kim