You know that "stuck" feeling you get when you try to tighten a nut onto a screw when it isn't threaded onto the screw properly...ditto for a jar lid...STUCK!
Why is our initial reaction to try to tighten it more, instead of stopping and releasing the pressure?
Force is a crude intervention. Flow is better.
My post-migraine brain thinks that this might apply to more things than just the batten on my loom beater, or a jar of peanut butter. It certainly applies to relationships: You will love me! I must forgive them! She needs to address this now or else! Stuck Lid Syndrome - force it, and the stuckness increases.
It most certainly applies to personal growth and healing: OK - I am done feeling broken and want to be healed and whole now. I will take all the steps/do all the things/read all the books/practice all the exercises so I can heal and be whole NOW. Am I not making myself clear - do I have to try harder? MAYBE INCREASE MY EFFORT? INTENSITY? (clearly that doesn't work).
It absolutely applies to churches: Force a church to change - really? Even if it is desired change - doesn't matter. Change isn't necessarily what churches resist - it is the torque applied to achieve that change that (I think) fuels resistance. And torque can take many forms - including the most wonderful plans - even plans with buy-in.
Part of my problem is the dynamic of intermittent reinforcement. If I try something ten times and coincidence results in a success in one instance when I am applying force, then some corner of my primitive brain makes an unhelpful connection and encourages me to use this approach in any/all situations. I will absolutely force myself to eat three servings of fruit and four serving of veggies every day. I will do my pt exercises three times a day without fail. I WILL STOP WORRYING! (uh huh - try again).
What if force is indeed a crude intervention that works occasionally, probably by coincidence, but usually results in greater stuckness - no matter what the arena? Is flow - going with God's Spirit and finding that amazing resonance and release - really the answer?
My Protestant-work-ethic-ACOA-hyper-responsible-maternal-messiah-brain finds the concepts of release, surrender and abandonment to be...well...wrong! DANGEROUS! IRRESPONSIBLE. After all, I am supposed to do something! NOW!
What a lie! All my experience (data) demonstrates again and again that it is through relaxing into God's Spirit that positive things happen - good stuff gets done. Force achieves the opposite result.
So today I relax into the flow of God's Spirit, even with a chorus of angry P-W-E-ACOA-H-R-M-M-B voices telling me I should bla bla bla. The word "should" is their tell - it always gives them away. Let them shout - they will tire themselves out (or the healthy voices in the chorus will make judicious use of duct tape, and a different dynamic requiring intervention will emerge), and all will be well. I cannot make them stop shouting (force), but I can choose whether or not I am going to listen.
They have nothing new to say, and what they say doesn't work. Time to listen to the music of the Spirit.
Releasing,
Kim
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