I was at the Elks pool at 7:10 am - hoping for a little relief from the pain. The water felt particularly warm and soothing today, which was a nice blessing. I watched the people around me struggling to cope with whatever illness or disability was "inviting" them to the Elks pool before sunrise. I don't have to look hard or far to see evidence of grace and courage, as people try to find ways to cope with whatever cards are in their hand. And in the midst of the courage and determination, there is humor:
Elderly Rehab patient to one of the volunteers: "The wife and I were talking about what it would be like to be the one left behind if the other one dies first - how we would cope. We came up with this solution - the one who dies first has to take the kids... "
Lots of laughs followed as stories were shared about the desire to maintain independence from the kids who "know it all, " and the strategies for coping to maintain the highest quality of life possible. I listen (I'm treated like one of the kids, and for many in the pool, I could, at 52, be their grandchild)! The desire to maintain balance, independence, and quality of life is such a strong inner motivation. We've all seen situations where these desires were taken to an unhealthy extreme - perhaps we've done this ourselves. Yet there is something in the human psyche that longs for freedom...
Balance. Quality of life. Healthy independence. I think about these aspects of life, and wonder: What are those things I can do with my own life and schedule - those choices I can make on a regular basis - that help to maintain balance, quality of life, and healthy independence?
Thinking of this leads me back to a topic we talked about many months ago at our Boise First Spirituality Group - a Rule of Life. Our group reacted to the title "Rule of Life" because it sounded so strict and unyielding - almost like a straight-jacket. This happens when we use descriptions that made perfect sense 1500 years ago, but are now lost in translation. A Rule of Life is nothing more than a plan - a strategy - an approach for how to structure your time and activities in a way that will maintain balance and quality of life - and open the heart to a deeper experience of God. It can be developed through experimentation (you try something and find that it works well, so you bring it into your regular experience). It is developed over time.
Over my lifetime (but especially during the past three years) I have gained insight into what needs to be in my schedule to help maintain a sense of balance and quality of life, and what is best left out. It is very good for me to start and end the day with prayer - pausing mid day to pray is a helpful bonus! I work best with a reasonable amount of sleep each night. I need regular experiences of silence and solitude, or my edges get crispy. Watching TV in the evening interferes with my ability to sleep, while reading does not. Exercise every day is better than a lot of exercise three days a week. Attending worship each week someplace where I'm not in charge is very good for me - and if icons and incense are present, even better! As I accept each new discovery and bring it into my daily life, I experience greater balance and enhanced quality of life. And freedom - which, as the great mystics of the Christian Church remind us, is God desire for all of us. To be free - free from our fears, free from all that binds and imprisons us, free to be ourselves - is what our heart longs for. And having a Rule of Life is a tool to help us find that greater freedom. It sounds like a paradox - a structure that invites freedom - but it is nonetheless true.
Do you long for a greater inner freedom? What activities/schedule/rhythms brings you greater balance and enhanced quality of life? What can you commit to doing on a regular basis that will ultimately give you greater freedom? Can you imagine a plan - a rule of life - that will help you grow in all ways? Can you see it - write it down - share it with God - commit to it? Can you lean into freedom...
Leaning with love and prayers,
Kim
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Monday, January 30, 2012
TPS
Re-entry. I was reminded today that the space shuttle had a heat shield (TPS - thermal protection system) in order to survive the experience of re-entry. Re-entering the earth's atmosphere creates a great deal of friction and heat, and without that protection, the shuttle could not survive re-entry. I was thankful for my own heart's version of the heat shield as I turned on the computer at work and started going through almost a month's worth of emails, and messages, and minutes from meetings, and tried to reconcile what I had on my calendar before I left with what is on my calendar now...and met with people...and answered phone calls...and remembered to breathe...and remembered to pray...and remembered to laugh about how hard we can make life with all our busy-ness.
I remembered to take my cd's (by the musician who led worship at Chapel during my intensive) and play them in the car as I drove to/from work. "May every word that I speak to everyone that I meet be filled with tenderness" lodged in my mind and heart and kept playing internally long after I was out of my car. A good thing, given some of the responses I might have otherwise made to emails! With helpful internal music, my responses were far more measured then they might have otherwise been, and I remembered to keep breathing. I applied some of the skills from my contemplative listening work to my meetings today, and found that I was hearing a different inner melody in the conversations that I might have otherwise missed - very interesting! I continue to ground myself with prayer time at the beginning and ending of the day, and keep working on a daily examen - a very powerful tool. It is becoming second-nature to me to ask the question: What has given me joy and opened me to love today (consolation), and what has blocked the flow of love today (desolation). I am becoming more aware of the items that make up my collective "heat shield," and will work with them to make sure I spend less time "crispy around the edges." Crispy is not a good emotional/spiritual state for humans.
So what are the components of your heat shield - your thermal protection system? What helps you to stay refreshed and renewed, and prevents "crispiness?" Are you taking steps to identify the components of your TPS, and strengthening those components? Or are you in need of new heat tiles? If so, allow God to show you what might help you handle the heat and friction of the atmosphere you live in.
The greatest blessing for me today (my consolation) happened at 2:20 pm, as I slowly limped down the stairs into the warm waters of the Elk's Rehab Hospital therapeutic pool. Once the warm water started to work its magic, I started to walk...and walk...and walk some more. Within 30 minutes I was jogging in the deeper water, and by 45 minutes I was moving freely in the deep end, dancing and cycling and cross-country skiing to the music - and having the time of my life! Now I'm limping again, but the water will be waiting for me tomorrow morning, and I'll experience an hour of freedom again. What a gift.
What was your greatest gift today? Name it and lift it up with thanks. And then take a few moments to savor that gift - let the memory renew you, and prepare you for rest.
Sweet dreams,
Kim
I remembered to take my cd's (by the musician who led worship at Chapel during my intensive) and play them in the car as I drove to/from work. "May every word that I speak to everyone that I meet be filled with tenderness" lodged in my mind and heart and kept playing internally long after I was out of my car. A good thing, given some of the responses I might have otherwise made to emails! With helpful internal music, my responses were far more measured then they might have otherwise been, and I remembered to keep breathing. I applied some of the skills from my contemplative listening work to my meetings today, and found that I was hearing a different inner melody in the conversations that I might have otherwise missed - very interesting! I continue to ground myself with prayer time at the beginning and ending of the day, and keep working on a daily examen - a very powerful tool. It is becoming second-nature to me to ask the question: What has given me joy and opened me to love today (consolation), and what has blocked the flow of love today (desolation). I am becoming more aware of the items that make up my collective "heat shield," and will work with them to make sure I spend less time "crispy around the edges." Crispy is not a good emotional/spiritual state for humans.
So what are the components of your heat shield - your thermal protection system? What helps you to stay refreshed and renewed, and prevents "crispiness?" Are you taking steps to identify the components of your TPS, and strengthening those components? Or are you in need of new heat tiles? If so, allow God to show you what might help you handle the heat and friction of the atmosphere you live in.
The greatest blessing for me today (my consolation) happened at 2:20 pm, as I slowly limped down the stairs into the warm waters of the Elk's Rehab Hospital therapeutic pool. Once the warm water started to work its magic, I started to walk...and walk...and walk some more. Within 30 minutes I was jogging in the deeper water, and by 45 minutes I was moving freely in the deep end, dancing and cycling and cross-country skiing to the music - and having the time of my life! Now I'm limping again, but the water will be waiting for me tomorrow morning, and I'll experience an hour of freedom again. What a gift.
What was your greatest gift today? Name it and lift it up with thanks. And then take a few moments to savor that gift - let the memory renew you, and prepare you for rest.
Sweet dreams,
Kim
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Wagon Ruts are Over-Rated
I wondered how I'd feel today after a month's absence from leading worship - the longest I've been out of the pulpit in recent memory. I pondered if it would be difficult trying to find words to express all that I had heard and seen during the past several weeks. And I worried that all the good insights, intentions and commitments I've made to reflect these upgraded ministry tools and spiritual experiences would evaporate in the ethos of the familiar.
Phew! Worries unfounded. It felt good to be back and see everyone, and good to preach again (even if it was only a meditation and not a full sermon). And I felt "different" - still me, but different. It was a good feeling. I found myself listening "differently" - a striking and surprising experience. I liked it. Taking this different road instead of walking back into the wagon ruts worn deep from years of use still is a bit scary - but also very exciting. And peaceful. And "me." Oh how good it feels to be me!
Before leaving for San Anselmo I noticed the topic I'd preach from upon my return - Jesus and the healing of the man with the "unclean spirit." I sighed and wondered what in the world I would ever say about such a challenging topic. Today, the words flowed easily because they came from my heart - I do indeed believe in a God of healing and transformation. Not only have I seen it in others, I have lived it myself. What a gift that this ministry of healing and transformation wasn't limited to a few brief years during the adult life of Jesus, but is part of the very nature of all life embraced by our Creator. To this reality I am happy to testify.
Now comes the hard part - living up to the personal and professional goals I have set for myself. Goals blessed by my supervisor (as long as I don't start judging myself when meeting them is a challenge), and goals that will stretch me because they keep me walking down my road less traveled. I'll take it one day at a time, and perhaps in a few months I will be able to testify to the reality of changing life-long behavior patters. Can I learn to do things differently? Can I learn new behaviors?
Can you? Can you find one or two places that leave you feeling stuck and blocked from the energizing, healing love of God? Can you imagine a different way of living/seeing/reacting and responding that might help shift that stuck and blocked reality? Can you imagine positive, health promoting and grace supported change?
See it - embrace it - find your own road less traveled. I invite you to step out of one of your own well-worn ruts, and enjoy walking through the grass in God's garden.
With love,
Kim
Phew! Worries unfounded. It felt good to be back and see everyone, and good to preach again (even if it was only a meditation and not a full sermon). And I felt "different" - still me, but different. It was a good feeling. I found myself listening "differently" - a striking and surprising experience. I liked it. Taking this different road instead of walking back into the wagon ruts worn deep from years of use still is a bit scary - but also very exciting. And peaceful. And "me." Oh how good it feels to be me!
Before leaving for San Anselmo I noticed the topic I'd preach from upon my return - Jesus and the healing of the man with the "unclean spirit." I sighed and wondered what in the world I would ever say about such a challenging topic. Today, the words flowed easily because they came from my heart - I do indeed believe in a God of healing and transformation. Not only have I seen it in others, I have lived it myself. What a gift that this ministry of healing and transformation wasn't limited to a few brief years during the adult life of Jesus, but is part of the very nature of all life embraced by our Creator. To this reality I am happy to testify.
Now comes the hard part - living up to the personal and professional goals I have set for myself. Goals blessed by my supervisor (as long as I don't start judging myself when meeting them is a challenge), and goals that will stretch me because they keep me walking down my road less traveled. I'll take it one day at a time, and perhaps in a few months I will be able to testify to the reality of changing life-long behavior patters. Can I learn to do things differently? Can I learn new behaviors?
Can you? Can you find one or two places that leave you feeling stuck and blocked from the energizing, healing love of God? Can you imagine a different way of living/seeing/reacting and responding that might help shift that stuck and blocked reality? Can you imagine positive, health promoting and grace supported change?
See it - embrace it - find your own road less traveled. I invite you to step out of one of your own well-worn ruts, and enjoy walking through the grass in God's garden.
With love,
Kim
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Heels Clicked Together Three Times...
There is something about seeing the Snake River Canyon...the mountains in the distance...and then Boise! Granted, it looks very different from San Anselmo, but, unlike San Anselmo, it looks like home.
I found myself feeling sad as we drove to San Jose - SFTS has been a place where I was exposed to God's fire and experienced some transformation. It was hard to leave...but also good to be on my way. You cannot stay on the mountaintop forever - life may be sustained and inspired by those mountaintop experiences, but life is lived back down in the community. As Jesus reminded the disciples after the experience of Transfiguration on Mount Tabor, you can't build houses and stay up there. You have to come down the mountain and live life.
The traffic was light on the drive from San Anselmo to San Jose (a rare gift). The San Jose airport is easy (even for me), and in no time we were waiting by our gate, where I witnessed the most amazing example of adaptability I've ever seen! There is a small flock of blackbirds living in Terminal B (poor things)! My heart broke when I saw them "imprisoned" in the terminal, but then I started watching these clever little birds. As soon as a human finished using the water fountain, a blackbird would fly over to the "birdbath" and get a drink and a splash (what the health department thinks of this is any one's guess). They navigate crowds with the agility of bats, and have an ample supply of crumbs under the seats in the gate waiting areas. And just when you could consider being annoyed by their sanitary habits (or lack thereof by human standards), one perches on the back of a seat and serenades you. I sure hope they are given some gentle assistance so they regain their freedom. But in the meantime, they remind all of us that, no matter where we are, there are ways to adapt, to survive, thrive - and sing! Although they lack the musical sophistication of my bird friends back in the Whole Foods parking lot in San Raphael, their clear, beautiful song lifted my heart.
Tomorrow I return to Boise First (just in time for the Annual Meeting). It will take me a long time to put my recent experiences into words. I pray that God may help me find my voice tomorrow, and that what I share may also be clear and lift the heart.
As you look back over your day, what is the one thing (of everything that happened today) that most opened your heart to love? What was the one thing that closed your heart down? And was there anything that made you want to "sing your song?" If so, what did you "sing" - and to whom?
I sang: "There is no place like home..."
With love and gratitude for traveling mercies,
Kim
I found myself feeling sad as we drove to San Jose - SFTS has been a place where I was exposed to God's fire and experienced some transformation. It was hard to leave...but also good to be on my way. You cannot stay on the mountaintop forever - life may be sustained and inspired by those mountaintop experiences, but life is lived back down in the community. As Jesus reminded the disciples after the experience of Transfiguration on Mount Tabor, you can't build houses and stay up there. You have to come down the mountain and live life.
The traffic was light on the drive from San Anselmo to San Jose (a rare gift). The San Jose airport is easy (even for me), and in no time we were waiting by our gate, where I witnessed the most amazing example of adaptability I've ever seen! There is a small flock of blackbirds living in Terminal B (poor things)! My heart broke when I saw them "imprisoned" in the terminal, but then I started watching these clever little birds. As soon as a human finished using the water fountain, a blackbird would fly over to the "birdbath" and get a drink and a splash (what the health department thinks of this is any one's guess). They navigate crowds with the agility of bats, and have an ample supply of crumbs under the seats in the gate waiting areas. And just when you could consider being annoyed by their sanitary habits (or lack thereof by human standards), one perches on the back of a seat and serenades you. I sure hope they are given some gentle assistance so they regain their freedom. But in the meantime, they remind all of us that, no matter where we are, there are ways to adapt, to survive, thrive - and sing! Although they lack the musical sophistication of my bird friends back in the Whole Foods parking lot in San Raphael, their clear, beautiful song lifted my heart.
Tomorrow I return to Boise First (just in time for the Annual Meeting). It will take me a long time to put my recent experiences into words. I pray that God may help me find my voice tomorrow, and that what I share may also be clear and lift the heart.
As you look back over your day, what is the one thing (of everything that happened today) that most opened your heart to love? What was the one thing that closed your heart down? And was there anything that made you want to "sing your song?" If so, what did you "sing" - and to whom?
I sang: "There is no place like home..."
With love and gratitude for traveling mercies,
Kim
Friday, January 27, 2012
Endings as Beginnings
I have officially completed my first intensive set of courses towards my DMin. I spent today in sessions where we experienced closure and articulated the lasting meaning we had found in our work during these past three years. My class (first years) walked the labyrinth together and shed a few tears as we wished each other well. I had my supervision assessment this afternoon (a wonderfully empowering experience - pure grace!) and approached someone and asked him to be my field work supervisor (and he said yes!). And I drove up to the top of the hill one last time for my one last appointment...
...and there was no parking space! I laughed so hard that I almost cried - on the last day at the last appointment - no space! If that had happened my first or second week, my anxiety level would have been through the roof. Instead, I created a "non-traditional" parking place, and went to my meeting. Thankfully, the car was still there when I came out!
In the midst of all the goodbyes and good wishes, I was able to review a preaching/worship resource geared to social justice/peace themes (it is wonderful), and I got my GTU library card, and online access to the library. I felt like a kid at Christmas as I typed in my ID number and had access to zillions of books and articles. What a gift!
The bags are packed, and as it is a 5 am start tomorrow, it will soon be time for bed. My next blog entry will be from Boise, where I now have the challenge of integrating all this tremendous material. My blog entries may be less frequent once I am back, but I will still be longing to see our world through the Eyes of the Weaver.
I close tonight with a Marilyn Nelson poem that calls us all into a new relationship with God - and life.
"The Simple Wisdom" by Marilyn Nelson
Abba Jacob said;
There's a big difference between
the mentalities of magic and of alliance.
People who spend their lives searching for God
have a magical mentality. They need a sign, a proof,
a puff of smoke, an irrefutable miracle.
People who have an alliance mentality
know God by loving.
As we embraced tonight and wished each other well, we knew that God was indeed experienced powerfully through loving.
May you know God as you love another, love all who are in need, and love God's beautiful creation. May you love justice and peace so much that you change your own life in order to bring it to pass. May you love yourself enough that you see yourself through God's eyes and treat yourself with dignity, respect and grace. Amen.
With love,
Kim
...and there was no parking space! I laughed so hard that I almost cried - on the last day at the last appointment - no space! If that had happened my first or second week, my anxiety level would have been through the roof. Instead, I created a "non-traditional" parking place, and went to my meeting. Thankfully, the car was still there when I came out!
In the midst of all the goodbyes and good wishes, I was able to review a preaching/worship resource geared to social justice/peace themes (it is wonderful), and I got my GTU library card, and online access to the library. I felt like a kid at Christmas as I typed in my ID number and had access to zillions of books and articles. What a gift!
The bags are packed, and as it is a 5 am start tomorrow, it will soon be time for bed. My next blog entry will be from Boise, where I now have the challenge of integrating all this tremendous material. My blog entries may be less frequent once I am back, but I will still be longing to see our world through the Eyes of the Weaver.
I close tonight with a Marilyn Nelson poem that calls us all into a new relationship with God - and life.
"The Simple Wisdom" by Marilyn Nelson
Abba Jacob said;
There's a big difference between
the mentalities of magic and of alliance.
People who spend their lives searching for God
have a magical mentality. They need a sign, a proof,
a puff of smoke, an irrefutable miracle.
People who have an alliance mentality
know God by loving.
As we embraced tonight and wished each other well, we knew that God was indeed experienced powerfully through loving.
May you know God as you love another, love all who are in need, and love God's beautiful creation. May you love justice and peace so much that you change your own life in order to bring it to pass. May you love yourself enough that you see yourself through God's eyes and treat yourself with dignity, respect and grace. Amen.
With love,
Kim
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Signs, Spirit and Sweetcakes
Tonight I sat outside on the concrete retaining wall and looked at the stars. I smiled when I saw the moon - to use Scots parlance, the new moon is lying in the old moon's oxters (armpits) - meaning (to Scottish farmers) bad weather is coming. Thinking of that reminds me of a dear Scottish farmer back in Aberdeenshire who would study the moon and come back with the weather forecast most Sunday mornings during winter. He was often more accurate than the Met Office (and certainly more interesting)! He knew how to "read the signs" and would use them to predict the weather.
It was a good (exhausting) day today. Classes are now done, and the first of my two assessments went very, very well - extremely affirming, encouraging, and provided excellent suggestions. Nothing opens the heart like being known and affirmed for who you are. I smile even as I write this, and think back to our meeting today, and a moment in the midst of it when I had an "ah ha" realization - compliments of the facilitators. I was so excited and filled with joy that I thought I would burst (feet "happy dancing" and racing at a hundred miles a second), as they lovingly and gently held that joyous space with me while we celebrated a step that I hadn't even realized I had taken! Based on this realization, I'll be starting a very different kind of journal when I get home - a journal unlike any I've ever kept before. I can't wait! I will carry these experiences in my heart for some time to come. When I see the joy, feel the renewal, and sense my heart opening, I can read these signs as indicators that God's healing Spirit is at work in my life. Reading the signs and knowing what they predict gives me great hope!
So there is much joy in my heart today. To celebrate this with you, I share a poem that was given to us today in class. May you hear God's voice speaking to you in these words, and feel the freedom that is God's gift to us all.
"God Says Yes To Me" - by Kaylin Haught
I asked God if it was okay to be melodramatic
and she said yes
I asked her if it was okay to be short
and she said it sure is
I asked her if I could wear nail polish or not wear nail polish
and she said honey
she calls me that sometimes
she said you can do just exactly
what you want to
Thanks God I said
And is it okay if I don't paragraph
my letters
Sweetcakes God said
who knows where she picked that up
what I'm telling you is
Yes Yes Yes
With love and gratitude for the God who says Yes,
Kim
It was a good (exhausting) day today. Classes are now done, and the first of my two assessments went very, very well - extremely affirming, encouraging, and provided excellent suggestions. Nothing opens the heart like being known and affirmed for who you are. I smile even as I write this, and think back to our meeting today, and a moment in the midst of it when I had an "ah ha" realization - compliments of the facilitators. I was so excited and filled with joy that I thought I would burst (feet "happy dancing" and racing at a hundred miles a second), as they lovingly and gently held that joyous space with me while we celebrated a step that I hadn't even realized I had taken! Based on this realization, I'll be starting a very different kind of journal when I get home - a journal unlike any I've ever kept before. I can't wait! I will carry these experiences in my heart for some time to come. When I see the joy, feel the renewal, and sense my heart opening, I can read these signs as indicators that God's healing Spirit is at work in my life. Reading the signs and knowing what they predict gives me great hope!
So there is much joy in my heart today. To celebrate this with you, I share a poem that was given to us today in class. May you hear God's voice speaking to you in these words, and feel the freedom that is God's gift to us all.
"God Says Yes To Me" - by Kaylin Haught
I asked God if it was okay to be melodramatic
and she said yes
I asked her if it was okay to be short
and she said it sure is
I asked her if I could wear nail polish or not wear nail polish
and she said honey
she calls me that sometimes
she said you can do just exactly
what you want to
Thanks God I said
And is it okay if I don't paragraph
my letters
Sweetcakes God said
who knows where she picked that up
what I'm telling you is
Yes Yes Yes
With love and gratitude for the God who says Yes,
Kim
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Freefall
It was a very busy and intense day, with the morning spent delving into the depths of suffering, and the afternoon spent in our final small group practicum practicing the zillion new skills we have learned. Both experiences were very positive but intense (I think I've said intense once already, but my mind struggles to find more words, given the intensity of today). Tonight I try to string coherent thoughts together as I fill out my assessment paperwork. I am once again awed by the thoroughness of the paperwork (enough said). Tomorrow morning is class, then assessments in the afternoon, with the final assessment Friday afternoon. We close with a party Friday night. Then home on Saturday, and a different kind of work begins!
In class today our instructor shared the following poem as "consolation" following our difficult discussion on suffering. May it cause your spirit to soar!
The Avowal, by Denise Levertov (one of my new favorite poets)
As swimmers dare
to lie face to the sky
and water bears them,
as hawks rest upon air
and air sustains them,
so would I learn to attain
freefall, and float
into Creator Spirit's deep embrace,
knowing no effort earns
that all-surrounding grace.
With love and prayers,
Kim
In class today our instructor shared the following poem as "consolation" following our difficult discussion on suffering. May it cause your spirit to soar!
The Avowal, by Denise Levertov (one of my new favorite poets)
As swimmers dare
to lie face to the sky
and water bears them,
as hawks rest upon air
and air sustains them,
so would I learn to attain
freefall, and float
into Creator Spirit's deep embrace,
knowing no effort earns
that all-surrounding grace.
With love and prayers,
Kim
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