The last time I wrote an academic paper was in the '80's. We used "parenthetical citation" back then - following APA guidelines. Now I'm trying to learn the Chicago Style via my son's doctoral dissertation. David is a great writer, and I find myself looking at his footnotes and bibliography to see how things are done in 2012. Times have indeed changed! Thank goodness our children continue to teach us valuable lessons, long after they are grown up!
This is paper one of two due before May, and is partly theological in nature - pushing me to articulate in as few words as possible my current understand of God. I thought of using the word "mystery" and leaving it at that, but I suspect that might be taking "lucid brevity" to the extreme. Since I worked all day on Saturday, I will stay home tomorrow and write. Preparing for this has kept me reading (and reading) - both new and old texts. I found myself reaching for Letty Russell's book on partnership with God the other day, but I can't find it on my shelf. Sally McFague and Paul Evdokimov have been at the top of my pile of books - Evdokimov is often overlooked, but has some fascinating observations about the spiritual life, especially "interiorized monasticism." One of his quotes on the spiritual life has become one of my favorite Lenten reflections:
"In present conditions, under the burden of overwork and stress, our sensibility is changing. Medical treatment protects and prolongs life, but at the same time it lowers resistance to suffering and privations. Christian asceticism is only a method in the service of life, and it will seek to adapt itself to the new needs. In the desert of the Thebaid, extreme fasts and constraints were imposed. Today, the combat is not the same. We no longer need added pain. Hair shirts, chains and flagellation would risk uselessly breaking us. Today mortification would be liberation from every kind of addiction - speed, noise, alcohol, and all kinds of stimulants. Asceticism would be necessary rest, the discipline of regular periods of calm and silence, when one could regain the ability to stop for prayer and contemplation, even in the heart of all the noise of the world, and above all then to listen to the presence of others. Fasting, instead of doing violence to the flesh, could be our renunciation of the superfluous, our sharing with the poor and a joyful balance in all things." Evdokimov, Ages of the Spiritual Live, p 64.
Before I fell asleep last night I pondered a vocational issue that had me feeling quite blue. As I sat quietly with that issue and shared my feelings with God, I heard a very quiet "reframe" of the situation in my heart that was so profound that I quickly wrote it down on a note card and put it on my nightstand - lest I forget it. When I awoke this morning, the note card with the timely words of wisdom was still there, waiting to help me move through my day. Moving through my day was a challenge, because I couldn't bear any weight on my right knee - it has been almost a year since the knee was this bad! I wanted to get back into bed and just give up, yet I felt a quiet strength sustaining me - one painful step at a time (thank you crutches - you saved the day). And I did indeed get through the day, completing the work that needed to be done. By late afternooon I was in the recliner with my knee packed in ice, thankful that God's grace was sufficient for the day.
Perhaps I need to find a way to add to "mystery" that God is the one whose strength is sufficient for each day, and who whispers truths that are well worth writing down. Not the prose of Tillich or McFague; just the gospel of Kim.
And believe me, this is good news indeed.
If you were righting your gospel - your good news - what would you say? How would you describe your experience of God? What is the good news of your relationship with God?
Offering thanks for blessings great (strength and wisdom) and small (crutches and ice packs),
Kim
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Holy War and College Football
We were driving through Boise on the way to a quiet lunch at Shangri La Tearoom when I saw two men standing at the side of the road holding a huge blue and orange sign that read "Abortion kills future Broncos." I was shocked by the sign, then enraged. Two men standing at a busy crossroads holding a sign that links this serious and highly volatile issue with the local college football team - what were they thinking?
First I felt the flash of anger - then I felt the rage. I suggested that Bill not let me roll down my window (I rolled it down anyway). I wanted to shout something (I didn't, thank goodness) because I also didn't want to shout something (higher reasoning still present). My hand went out the window and I gave a thumbs down sign (believe me, it could have been much worse). They didn't see me, and the gesture didn't make me feel a bit better.
I thought of having Bill pull the car over so I could get out and talk with them (too angry). I thought of having Bill drive around a very large block until I calmed down and then go back to where they were so I could have a word with them. I started to think about what I would say, post rage. Would I remember to pose a question instead of lecturing them on my viewpoint? Would I be able to see them as persons and hear their point of view respectfully? Or would all my "pushed buttons" cause me to react in a way that kept me from seeing them as beloved children of God? My guess is that it would have been the latter, so I didn't ask Bill to drive back. There was nothing I would say to them that would bring more light and life - just heat.
I am enraged by the proposed bill requiring all women who have an abortion in Idaho to first have an ultrasound before the abortion. Most people I associate with are positively staggered by this new reality that decades-old hard won victories for women's health care are now up for grabs - again. Young women today have no memory of a time when a woman's reproductive and contraceptive care were outside of their personal control, and debated and determined by (primarily) men. Now these matters are again being decided and debated by predominately male politicians and religious leaders. How did this happen?
Silly question - a historical and political analysis shows exactly how this happened. Answering that question can give us valuable data on how to keep this from happening again. But a more important question is: What do we do about it now?
There was a rally at the Capitol today (which, I think, is why the men where several blocks away holding the offensive blue and orange sign linking abortion with disadvantaging our prized football team). I didn't go - mostly for health reasons, but also because as much as I love a good rally, I'm not sure it advances the cause of dialogue any further. It provides a vehicle for expressing an opinion, but does it create a climate for dialogue? If you close your eyes and listen to the "emotion" at a tea party rally or most rallies for "liberal" causes, the emotional tone is the same. If you watch the two events on TV and read the expressions on the faces of the participants, you see similar emotions. If you listen to the content, you hear similar rhetoric, with the topic and names of the enemy changed in keeping with the circumstances. "The country is going to hell in a hand basket, and it is those liberal, socialist/communist, debt-loving East Coast Ivy League elites driving the bus to hell." Or, "the country is going to hell in a hand basket, and it is those reactionary, conservative/libertarian, judgmental, fundamentalist, intolerant knuckle-draggers who are blowing it to kingdom come."
We need to find common ground where we can begin a process of dialogue more than we need opportunities to express our passionate points of view.
It would be nice if this were the part of the blog where I could describe, in simple prose, how we find that common ground and starting place of dialogue on all issues - women's health and reproductive care, role of government in the life of all citizens, war, poverty, taxes, health care, immigration, racism, civil rights for those who are LGBT, global warming and our current environmental catastrophe. The truth is, I have no great plan for how we get there. But get there we must, one step at a time.
It was good (although not very therapeutic) that I didn't scream at the men who were equating an issue as serious as women's health care with college football. And in the spirit of Jesus' instruction to pray for my enemies, I will remember them in prayer tonight (it will be a stretch). But that isn't enough - it is a good start, but it is only a first step. I have to grow to the point where I can hold my truth passionately and honor it while being able to engage those who have power and hold an entirely different equally passionate point of view, and enter into conversation - with my blood pressure staying within the recognized range for human beings, and my heart open to an honest conversation.
The truth is, there is a part of me that doesn't want honest conversation. I want to yell and verbally defend my viewpoint with as much passion (and aggression) as I can. For me it feels like a sacred cause - a holy war. A just war. And therein lies the problem - I've just gone to war. While I am part of the problem, I will be unable to be part of the solution.
And so I begin again...and sit with the questions...and listen to the still voice of wisdom deep within the silence. And work to keep my heart soft and open - even when it hurts.
I will write again Sunday evening (taking a Sabbath break on Friday and Saturday). Until then, I invite you to think about how, as a citizens of planet earth (or the US, or Idaho, or Boise - or wherever you call home) you can be part of the solution to the deeply entrenched cultural, social, economic, religious, and political polarization that is our reality. How do we find common ground on the critical issues, so we can stop turning each other into the enemy and resolving our conflicts by going to "war?"
With more questions than answers...but a willingness to sit with the questions,
Kim
First I felt the flash of anger - then I felt the rage. I suggested that Bill not let me roll down my window (I rolled it down anyway). I wanted to shout something (I didn't, thank goodness) because I also didn't want to shout something (higher reasoning still present). My hand went out the window and I gave a thumbs down sign (believe me, it could have been much worse). They didn't see me, and the gesture didn't make me feel a bit better.
I thought of having Bill pull the car over so I could get out and talk with them (too angry). I thought of having Bill drive around a very large block until I calmed down and then go back to where they were so I could have a word with them. I started to think about what I would say, post rage. Would I remember to pose a question instead of lecturing them on my viewpoint? Would I be able to see them as persons and hear their point of view respectfully? Or would all my "pushed buttons" cause me to react in a way that kept me from seeing them as beloved children of God? My guess is that it would have been the latter, so I didn't ask Bill to drive back. There was nothing I would say to them that would bring more light and life - just heat.
I am enraged by the proposed bill requiring all women who have an abortion in Idaho to first have an ultrasound before the abortion. Most people I associate with are positively staggered by this new reality that decades-old hard won victories for women's health care are now up for grabs - again. Young women today have no memory of a time when a woman's reproductive and contraceptive care were outside of their personal control, and debated and determined by (primarily) men. Now these matters are again being decided and debated by predominately male politicians and religious leaders. How did this happen?
Silly question - a historical and political analysis shows exactly how this happened. Answering that question can give us valuable data on how to keep this from happening again. But a more important question is: What do we do about it now?
There was a rally at the Capitol today (which, I think, is why the men where several blocks away holding the offensive blue and orange sign linking abortion with disadvantaging our prized football team). I didn't go - mostly for health reasons, but also because as much as I love a good rally, I'm not sure it advances the cause of dialogue any further. It provides a vehicle for expressing an opinion, but does it create a climate for dialogue? If you close your eyes and listen to the "emotion" at a tea party rally or most rallies for "liberal" causes, the emotional tone is the same. If you watch the two events on TV and read the expressions on the faces of the participants, you see similar emotions. If you listen to the content, you hear similar rhetoric, with the topic and names of the enemy changed in keeping with the circumstances. "The country is going to hell in a hand basket, and it is those liberal, socialist/communist, debt-loving East Coast Ivy League elites driving the bus to hell." Or, "the country is going to hell in a hand basket, and it is those reactionary, conservative/libertarian, judgmental, fundamentalist, intolerant knuckle-draggers who are blowing it to kingdom come."
We need to find common ground where we can begin a process of dialogue more than we need opportunities to express our passionate points of view.
It would be nice if this were the part of the blog where I could describe, in simple prose, how we find that common ground and starting place of dialogue on all issues - women's health and reproductive care, role of government in the life of all citizens, war, poverty, taxes, health care, immigration, racism, civil rights for those who are LGBT, global warming and our current environmental catastrophe. The truth is, I have no great plan for how we get there. But get there we must, one step at a time.
It was good (although not very therapeutic) that I didn't scream at the men who were equating an issue as serious as women's health care with college football. And in the spirit of Jesus' instruction to pray for my enemies, I will remember them in prayer tonight (it will be a stretch). But that isn't enough - it is a good start, but it is only a first step. I have to grow to the point where I can hold my truth passionately and honor it while being able to engage those who have power and hold an entirely different equally passionate point of view, and enter into conversation - with my blood pressure staying within the recognized range for human beings, and my heart open to an honest conversation.
The truth is, there is a part of me that doesn't want honest conversation. I want to yell and verbally defend my viewpoint with as much passion (and aggression) as I can. For me it feels like a sacred cause - a holy war. A just war. And therein lies the problem - I've just gone to war. While I am part of the problem, I will be unable to be part of the solution.
And so I begin again...and sit with the questions...and listen to the still voice of wisdom deep within the silence. And work to keep my heart soft and open - even when it hurts.
I will write again Sunday evening (taking a Sabbath break on Friday and Saturday). Until then, I invite you to think about how, as a citizens of planet earth (or the US, or Idaho, or Boise - or wherever you call home) you can be part of the solution to the deeply entrenched cultural, social, economic, religious, and political polarization that is our reality. How do we find common ground on the critical issues, so we can stop turning each other into the enemy and resolving our conflicts by going to "war?"
With more questions than answers...but a willingness to sit with the questions,
Kim
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
What Matters...
In previous posts I've talked about the examen - a spiritual discipline that helps to deepen one's awareness of God presence while enhancing the ability to express gratitude. It is simply a matter of taking some time at the end of the day and inviting God to show you those places where you experienced God's love most clearly (consolation), and those places where you did not experience God's love at all (desolation).
Consequently moments of grace are very much on my mind right now, as I draw my day to a close. I was awakened with a soothing, melodic bird song this morning, as a robin temporarily displaced my red-winged friends and their edgy WAKE UP riff. This morning grace came to me through a person who patiently takes the time to help me see new possibilities in my life, even when I cannot see them for myself. This afternoon someone else took the time to help me feel empowered and strong by"safely" lifting weights and doing some cardio (oh how I miss the rehab pool)! The tree outside my office window gave some lovely wee birds a place to perch and preen while I worked my way through bulletin drafts, glancing up at their beauty now and then. And tonight the stars and moon were so clear and crisp - all I could do was take a deep breath as I gazed upward and offer thanks.
Nature and people - God's beauty and supportive love just when I needed it - in just the right way.
I am so thankful that these people showed up - and cared - and were willing to share their wisdom and experience with me. Even though it was part of their job to show up, their kindness and care went above and beyond, and continues to make a huge difference in my life. I am also deeply grateful that the beauty of God's created world can be enjoyed - each bird and star and tree is such a gift!
Where did you make a difference today? How did God work through you to provide just what was needed at just the right time? Whose life was touched because you showed up - right where you are? It is humbling to think that the God of the Cosmos is able to touch us through others...and that we can reach out to others, be in partnership with this God and make a difference. I am awed by this reality, and oh so grateful!
May you show up for your life, so God can work with you and through you to change the world - one act of love and compassion at a time. It all matters! You matter!
With gratitude,
Kim
Consequently moments of grace are very much on my mind right now, as I draw my day to a close. I was awakened with a soothing, melodic bird song this morning, as a robin temporarily displaced my red-winged friends and their edgy WAKE UP riff. This morning grace came to me through a person who patiently takes the time to help me see new possibilities in my life, even when I cannot see them for myself. This afternoon someone else took the time to help me feel empowered and strong by"safely" lifting weights and doing some cardio (oh how I miss the rehab pool)! The tree outside my office window gave some lovely wee birds a place to perch and preen while I worked my way through bulletin drafts, glancing up at their beauty now and then. And tonight the stars and moon were so clear and crisp - all I could do was take a deep breath as I gazed upward and offer thanks.
Nature and people - God's beauty and supportive love just when I needed it - in just the right way.
I am so thankful that these people showed up - and cared - and were willing to share their wisdom and experience with me. Even though it was part of their job to show up, their kindness and care went above and beyond, and continues to make a huge difference in my life. I am also deeply grateful that the beauty of God's created world can be enjoyed - each bird and star and tree is such a gift!
Where did you make a difference today? How did God work through you to provide just what was needed at just the right time? Whose life was touched because you showed up - right where you are? It is humbling to think that the God of the Cosmos is able to touch us through others...and that we can reach out to others, be in partnership with this God and make a difference. I am awed by this reality, and oh so grateful!
May you show up for your life, so God can work with you and through you to change the world - one act of love and compassion at a time. It all matters! You matter!
With gratitude,
Kim
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Graceland
Who knew the red-winged alarm clocks could read, and would take my blog so literally! They were outside my window early this morning and woke me in style! I smiled as I heard them - our bird feeders seem to be a regular stop on their daily rounds. They were one of the bright spots of my day, as were some beautiful clouds and a light flurry of snow later this afternoon. I have a blue spruce right outside my office window that is often filled with sparrows and finches. Add a light dusting of snow, and you have the perfect Christmas card picture.
Except that it is March. Winter and spring continue their dance where first one leads and then the other takes over. Today winter claimed the day (tomorrow, too, so the weather reader says). Spring by the weekend? One never knows. It is a gift to be able to watch this dance, and enjoy the passion it contains.
Today was a hard health day, so I am thankful for the glimpses of grace that carried me through, with the view out nearby windows providing my ticket to graceland. And grace was there - delightfully there. I wish I could tell you that it made all the difficulties better, but that would be a lie. It did, however, make them easier to bear. Tonight I listen to the sound of the wind rattling the windows and howling around the corners of the house. It is a different music from the funky bird scat, but it has its own charm. I close my eyes and listen, and soon I feel myself howling like the wind, just like I hear myself singing with the birds. Today I watched the hawk soaring overhead, and felt the wind lifting my arms as I, too, soared...and for a moment, I felt one with creation, and less aware of the burdens bending my shoulders low. I accept these moments as the precious gift they are, and offer thanks to the One who meets me even in the sound of the wind.
Prayer (from Earth Gospel, by Sam Hamilton Poore
Erase all the lines, O God,
that I have drawn in my mind
to separate the life that is "not-me"
from the life that is "me."
Enlarge the boundaries of my heart
to include soil and water,
air and animals,
friend and stranger -
all that, in Christ, you've called me
to love and nourish.
Tonight I will ride the wind, and then rest in the arms of my Creator.
Where and how did you encounter grace today? I invite you to acknowledge this gift, and offer thanks.
With gratitude,
Kim
Except that it is March. Winter and spring continue their dance where first one leads and then the other takes over. Today winter claimed the day (tomorrow, too, so the weather reader says). Spring by the weekend? One never knows. It is a gift to be able to watch this dance, and enjoy the passion it contains.
Today was a hard health day, so I am thankful for the glimpses of grace that carried me through, with the view out nearby windows providing my ticket to graceland. And grace was there - delightfully there. I wish I could tell you that it made all the difficulties better, but that would be a lie. It did, however, make them easier to bear. Tonight I listen to the sound of the wind rattling the windows and howling around the corners of the house. It is a different music from the funky bird scat, but it has its own charm. I close my eyes and listen, and soon I feel myself howling like the wind, just like I hear myself singing with the birds. Today I watched the hawk soaring overhead, and felt the wind lifting my arms as I, too, soared...and for a moment, I felt one with creation, and less aware of the burdens bending my shoulders low. I accept these moments as the precious gift they are, and offer thanks to the One who meets me even in the sound of the wind.
Prayer (from Earth Gospel, by Sam Hamilton Poore
Erase all the lines, O God,
that I have drawn in my mind
to separate the life that is "not-me"
from the life that is "me."
Enlarge the boundaries of my heart
to include soil and water,
air and animals,
friend and stranger -
all that, in Christ, you've called me
to love and nourish.
Tonight I will ride the wind, and then rest in the arms of my Creator.
Where and how did you encounter grace today? I invite you to acknowledge this gift, and offer thanks.
With gratitude,
Kim
Monday, March 5, 2012
Red-Winged Alarm Clocks (and metaphorical medicine)
Sometimes it is hard to get my attention, especially if I'm heading in another direction (or avoiding something). It is extremely easy for me to get focused on all kinds of stuff - the taxes need to be finished (bla), work-related paperwork (bla), just the sheer number of things that go into the work day (not all bla), the endless tasks involved in managing a home and getting through the day - dishes and laundry and driving and mail and shopping and sleeping and eating (not all bla, but some serious bla in the mix). It is easy for the routine and priorities of the day to become a self-perpetuating cycle that invites one to lose sight of why these things were done in the first place!
I'm convinced that churches (and other institutions) fall into the same trap. They get so filled with things that need to be done that all resources get devoted to doing those things - to perpetuating the system - with little thought as to why the church is doing what it is doing.
Then something gets your attention and wakes you up!
I spent the day doing some very good things at the church - important documents were created, meeting were taken, and stuff was done (a little bit of bla). I came home TIRED, as whatever is going on with my heart comes with a hefty dose of fatigue. Once settled at home, I was getting ready to start doing more stuff before resting in the chair, when all of a sudden I heard a faint sound of something familiar coming from out back. I dismissed it at first, but the flavor of the memory it triggered was very sweet and transported me back to that parking lot at Whole Foods in San Raphael. Hooked, I headed out onto the back deck to hear the sound of a HUGE flock of red-winged blackbirds holding forth in the large tree across the road (where the red-tailed hawks nest). What an amazing riot of sound! It completely masked the traffic sounds from Meridian Road at rush hour! I settled down in the rocking chair and listened to my favorite funky birdsong, felt the tension leave my body, and woke up. I've missed my bird friends - I've missed being outdoors. I've missed the way God speaks to me through the beauty of nature. It has been very quiet lately on the God front - I've missed the connection. I've been busy perpetuating stuff.
Sitting in that rocking chair enjoying the birdsong serenade reminded me of why I'm here (in birdville). It isn't about stuff and things, about perpetuating systems and meeting expectations (although I imagine that I will always play a role in taking care of stuff and things and perpetuating any number of systems, institutions, and expectations). Right now it is about learning to live in my heart, see with the eyes of my heart, assisting others to find their "heart space" - for that is where we experience both our true self and God.
Ouch. It isn't comfortable for me to think about hearts right now, as mine continues to beat in an odd way and sometimes hurts. In the past, when body parts have "failed," I have responded with anger and rejection. You can do that with a gallbladder - not that I'm suggesting that kind of negativity, but there is more latitude to diss a gallbladder than one's own heart. So although I haven't brought rejection and negativity into this experience, I haven't befriended my sore, mis-beating heart, either. I've actually tried to ignore it.
Instead, perhaps I might try to soothe it. Be kind to it. Understand it, and listen to the story it has to tell. No, I'm not trading in the heart monitor and cardiologist for metaphorical medicine, but perhaps there is a story here that needs to be heard, and acknowledged, and released. Perhaps I have some more heart work to do.
The black birds reminded me today that I have not been listening to what really matters, and I've forgotten the plot yet again. It is not about the stuff and expectations and perpetuating the cycle of more stuff. It is about listening to and with my heart, and seeing through my heart, and speaking from my heart, and living in my heart (both the mis-beating heart and the center-of-my being heart).
What a blessing it is that when I do forget the plot, God gently sends just the right messenger to get my attention - again and again. God bless those red-winged alarm clocks!
How does God get your attention? When was the last time you looked deeper at something that was happening in your life, because within it there was a message or lesson just for you (not that I believe God causes difficult things to happen, but I do believe God works with whatever material is available)? What is it like to hear, and see, and live in your heart? To sense the heartbeat of creation...? To feel the heartbeat of God...?
Which one of those five questions gets your attention? Sit with that question, and...
listen...
Beginning again,
Kim
I'm convinced that churches (and other institutions) fall into the same trap. They get so filled with things that need to be done that all resources get devoted to doing those things - to perpetuating the system - with little thought as to why the church is doing what it is doing.
Then something gets your attention and wakes you up!
I spent the day doing some very good things at the church - important documents were created, meeting were taken, and stuff was done (a little bit of bla). I came home TIRED, as whatever is going on with my heart comes with a hefty dose of fatigue. Once settled at home, I was getting ready to start doing more stuff before resting in the chair, when all of a sudden I heard a faint sound of something familiar coming from out back. I dismissed it at first, but the flavor of the memory it triggered was very sweet and transported me back to that parking lot at Whole Foods in San Raphael. Hooked, I headed out onto the back deck to hear the sound of a HUGE flock of red-winged blackbirds holding forth in the large tree across the road (where the red-tailed hawks nest). What an amazing riot of sound! It completely masked the traffic sounds from Meridian Road at rush hour! I settled down in the rocking chair and listened to my favorite funky birdsong, felt the tension leave my body, and woke up. I've missed my bird friends - I've missed being outdoors. I've missed the way God speaks to me through the beauty of nature. It has been very quiet lately on the God front - I've missed the connection. I've been busy perpetuating stuff.
Sitting in that rocking chair enjoying the birdsong serenade reminded me of why I'm here (in birdville). It isn't about stuff and things, about perpetuating systems and meeting expectations (although I imagine that I will always play a role in taking care of stuff and things and perpetuating any number of systems, institutions, and expectations). Right now it is about learning to live in my heart, see with the eyes of my heart, assisting others to find their "heart space" - for that is where we experience both our true self and God.
Ouch. It isn't comfortable for me to think about hearts right now, as mine continues to beat in an odd way and sometimes hurts. In the past, when body parts have "failed," I have responded with anger and rejection. You can do that with a gallbladder - not that I'm suggesting that kind of negativity, but there is more latitude to diss a gallbladder than one's own heart. So although I haven't brought rejection and negativity into this experience, I haven't befriended my sore, mis-beating heart, either. I've actually tried to ignore it.
Instead, perhaps I might try to soothe it. Be kind to it. Understand it, and listen to the story it has to tell. No, I'm not trading in the heart monitor and cardiologist for metaphorical medicine, but perhaps there is a story here that needs to be heard, and acknowledged, and released. Perhaps I have some more heart work to do.
The black birds reminded me today that I have not been listening to what really matters, and I've forgotten the plot yet again. It is not about the stuff and expectations and perpetuating the cycle of more stuff. It is about listening to and with my heart, and seeing through my heart, and speaking from my heart, and living in my heart (both the mis-beating heart and the center-of-my being heart).
What a blessing it is that when I do forget the plot, God gently sends just the right messenger to get my attention - again and again. God bless those red-winged alarm clocks!
How does God get your attention? When was the last time you looked deeper at something that was happening in your life, because within it there was a message or lesson just for you (not that I believe God causes difficult things to happen, but I do believe God works with whatever material is available)? What is it like to hear, and see, and live in your heart? To sense the heartbeat of creation...? To feel the heartbeat of God...?
Which one of those five questions gets your attention? Sit with that question, and...
listen...
Beginning again,
Kim
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Polarization and Prayer
The 8:30 am Sunday worship service at Boise First is a very unique service. When I began leading it back in 2009, I envisioned it transitioning into a contemplative service - lots of silence, lectio as the approach to scripture, and perhaps a bit of Taize-like prayer chants (clearly my preference is showing). And although the group kindly accommodates some silence and reflection, their preferred mode of worship involves discussion - they want to get into the scripture and preach it with me, discussing and debating, sharing and sorting through implications of what it means to walk through this world as followers of Rabbi Jesus. It has the flavor of the base communities of liberation theology, and is very refreshing!
Today the national and world events of this past week led us quickly to a discussion of the polarization in American society, and how one engages in civil discourse around issues that evoke passion on both sides. A certain radio talk show host was mentioned more than once - with our group wondering what we can/should do with the anger we feel. How do we confront such extreme views without being equally strident and angry? Or is it ok to be strident and angry? Is it righteous anger when I do it in defense of my cause (because I am right) but an extreme reaction on the part of the other when they do it (because they are wrong). After all, Jesus would agree with me...
There are many strategies we can adopt to face the complex and polarized political world of 2012. We can engage in political process designed to advance a particular perspective, and do it with respect, kindness, and compassion. We might do this through how we vote, or through peaceful demonstration and positive social engagement, or writing letters, or lobbying elected officials, or making lifestyle changes that promote the perspective that we feel is best for all (not just best for me).
We can learn from the Buddhist approach to right speech and be sure that our words and actions are consistent with our core values, engaging others through the process of posing questions, instead of putting forth a fixed viewpoint Furthermore, we can attempt to stand in the shoes of the person whose viewpoint is very different from our own, and develop compassion and understanding as we see through their eyes.
But the hardest yet most powerful thing we can do in these polarized times is pray for those whom we identify as our enemies - bringing them into our heart and then into the very heart of God. Henri Nouwen reminds us that of all Jesus' commandments, the commandment to love our enemies is perhaps the most radical (Show Me The Way - Daily Lenten Readings, 46-49). Once we consistently take an "enemy" into our heart and into God's heart, the gulf between us is reduced, and over time, the intensity of the feelings soften. Taking this first step of praying for our enemies does not mean abandoning what we know to be true or putting ourselves in a position where our enemy can harm us - healthy boundaries play an important safety role in highly polarized situations. Instead, it is a step of empowerment, as we choose to not engage in dualistic thinking, and instead look to relate to others in a more integrated way.
How do we challenge the despot and bully without engaging in their tactics? How do we speak the truth with a clear, loving voice without responding with anger when challenged? How do we find that common ground in our polarized society...world...close relationships? Can praying for those who act as our enemies truly be the start of transformation?
It is what Jesus preached and lived, even as he died. Perhaps it is worth a try...
I invite you to think of someone you would identify as an enemy - someone who challenges you in a primal way and invites a response of anger and defensiveness. What would it be like to pray for that person every day for the rest of Lent? The thought of it makes me very uncomfortable in that "growing edge kind of way."
I will give it a try. Will you join me?
With love,
Kim
Today the national and world events of this past week led us quickly to a discussion of the polarization in American society, and how one engages in civil discourse around issues that evoke passion on both sides. A certain radio talk show host was mentioned more than once - with our group wondering what we can/should do with the anger we feel. How do we confront such extreme views without being equally strident and angry? Or is it ok to be strident and angry? Is it righteous anger when I do it in defense of my cause (because I am right) but an extreme reaction on the part of the other when they do it (because they are wrong). After all, Jesus would agree with me...
There are many strategies we can adopt to face the complex and polarized political world of 2012. We can engage in political process designed to advance a particular perspective, and do it with respect, kindness, and compassion. We might do this through how we vote, or through peaceful demonstration and positive social engagement, or writing letters, or lobbying elected officials, or making lifestyle changes that promote the perspective that we feel is best for all (not just best for me).
We can learn from the Buddhist approach to right speech and be sure that our words and actions are consistent with our core values, engaging others through the process of posing questions, instead of putting forth a fixed viewpoint Furthermore, we can attempt to stand in the shoes of the person whose viewpoint is very different from our own, and develop compassion and understanding as we see through their eyes.
But the hardest yet most powerful thing we can do in these polarized times is pray for those whom we identify as our enemies - bringing them into our heart and then into the very heart of God. Henri Nouwen reminds us that of all Jesus' commandments, the commandment to love our enemies is perhaps the most radical (Show Me The Way - Daily Lenten Readings, 46-49). Once we consistently take an "enemy" into our heart and into God's heart, the gulf between us is reduced, and over time, the intensity of the feelings soften. Taking this first step of praying for our enemies does not mean abandoning what we know to be true or putting ourselves in a position where our enemy can harm us - healthy boundaries play an important safety role in highly polarized situations. Instead, it is a step of empowerment, as we choose to not engage in dualistic thinking, and instead look to relate to others in a more integrated way.
How do we challenge the despot and bully without engaging in their tactics? How do we speak the truth with a clear, loving voice without responding with anger when challenged? How do we find that common ground in our polarized society...world...close relationships? Can praying for those who act as our enemies truly be the start of transformation?
It is what Jesus preached and lived, even as he died. Perhaps it is worth a try...
I invite you to think of someone you would identify as an enemy - someone who challenges you in a primal way and invites a response of anger and defensiveness. What would it be like to pray for that person every day for the rest of Lent? The thought of it makes me very uncomfortable in that "growing edge kind of way."
I will give it a try. Will you join me?
With love,
Kim
Thursday, March 1, 2012
The view at 25 mph
The speed limit changed again today as I had to acknowledge that I am tired, and need to rest. Writing those words feels more like a confession or admission of guilt than just stating an obvious fact. I will stay home and rest for the next two days, in the hopes of building up some energy reserves for Sunday.
This is a very new experience for me. I've never felt "bone tired" like this before. I start to do a task and if feels like something drains away all my energy (energy vampires). It is an odd, unsettled feeling - like trying to swim in molasses. So tomorrow and Saturday I'm going to give up swimming laps in the molasses pool, and just rest. Doing this is conterintuitive right down to my DNA, but we'll see how it works. My mind accepts this possibility better when I call it an experiment...
Today's blessings came in many forms, and I counted each and every one! A tree full of red-winged blackbirds (with a little bit of talk-back), amazing cloud formations, beautiful snow fall, warm and soothing water at the rehab pool, and (I've saved the best for last) - David sailed his defense and is only a graduation ceremony away from his PhD. I felt each tick of the clock during his hour-long defense, remembering a little kindergarten child who amused himself by memorizing the names of the American Presidents and Vice Presidents in chronological order (ascending or descending). I remembered being called in to speak with his kindergarten teacher (with my heart in my throat wondering what was wrong) only to be asked if I knew that my five-year-old woke early each morning so he could read the President's page in his dictionary (one of his favorite books). I didn't know that - but did know that he had a gift for learning, and an interest in American History. Now he will teach a new generation about his passion, and I couldn't be more proud. Well done, David!
Looking back over his journey, the path is now obvious and easy to see. Isn't hindsight an amazing gift! I can assure you that there were many times in the midst of the journey that the path was anything but obvious. When things felt confused, David learned to follow his heart - and that led him to where he is today. That accomplishment - learning to follow his heart - rivals his PhD. Well done, indeed!
All the great mystics of the faith talk about the importance of following one's heart as a way to to know oneself, experience God and discern a wise way forward. I have discovered that the language of the heart is harder to hear and understand at 75 mph. But at 25 mph, it is a totally different experience. The view at 25mph is extremely enlightening!
I will write again on Sunday night after some Sabbath rest. May you find a way to slow down and learn the language of your heart - and follow it's wise leading. Through it you will find not only yourself and your path, but you will also find God.
With love,
Kim
This is a very new experience for me. I've never felt "bone tired" like this before. I start to do a task and if feels like something drains away all my energy (energy vampires). It is an odd, unsettled feeling - like trying to swim in molasses. So tomorrow and Saturday I'm going to give up swimming laps in the molasses pool, and just rest. Doing this is conterintuitive right down to my DNA, but we'll see how it works. My mind accepts this possibility better when I call it an experiment...
Today's blessings came in many forms, and I counted each and every one! A tree full of red-winged blackbirds (with a little bit of talk-back), amazing cloud formations, beautiful snow fall, warm and soothing water at the rehab pool, and (I've saved the best for last) - David sailed his defense and is only a graduation ceremony away from his PhD. I felt each tick of the clock during his hour-long defense, remembering a little kindergarten child who amused himself by memorizing the names of the American Presidents and Vice Presidents in chronological order (ascending or descending). I remembered being called in to speak with his kindergarten teacher (with my heart in my throat wondering what was wrong) only to be asked if I knew that my five-year-old woke early each morning so he could read the President's page in his dictionary (one of his favorite books). I didn't know that - but did know that he had a gift for learning, and an interest in American History. Now he will teach a new generation about his passion, and I couldn't be more proud. Well done, David!
Looking back over his journey, the path is now obvious and easy to see. Isn't hindsight an amazing gift! I can assure you that there were many times in the midst of the journey that the path was anything but obvious. When things felt confused, David learned to follow his heart - and that led him to where he is today. That accomplishment - learning to follow his heart - rivals his PhD. Well done, indeed!
All the great mystics of the faith talk about the importance of following one's heart as a way to to know oneself, experience God and discern a wise way forward. I have discovered that the language of the heart is harder to hear and understand at 75 mph. But at 25 mph, it is a totally different experience. The view at 25mph is extremely enlightening!
I will write again on Sunday night after some Sabbath rest. May you find a way to slow down and learn the language of your heart - and follow it's wise leading. Through it you will find not only yourself and your path, but you will also find God.
With love,
Kim
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